Customer Reviews

I Refuse to Raise a Brat

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(30)

 

 

I agree with some of Marilu Henner's health advice but can't agree with much of the childrearing advice given in this book. To make pat judgements about so many topics that are person-specific is wrong and unfair - for example, Dr Sharon states that allowing a teenager to sleep in on the weekends will result absolutely in a lazy adult. Both Henner and Sharon feel that it is unacceptable to allow a child to take a mental-health day from school. Attitudes expressed about theories and practices that are well-accepted in many other countries of the world (breastfeeding to a later toddler age, the family bed) seem flippant and harsh. Just because certain attitudes prevail in America does NOT mean that they are correct or healthier. While the question and answer format has worked well in other childrearing books, it seemed forced and flip here. I can appreciate that Henner is a comedienne and that a sense of humor is important, but I didn't always find the sense of humor in this book appropriate and often found it grating. There are more comprehensive childrearing books on the market.

While I have always enjoyed Marilu Henner on T.V. I will never look to her for parenting advice. This book is too simplistic and adheres to a one size fits all mindset. While I was happy to see that she promotes breastfeeding, some of the information is completely false. For example, it is extremely rare for a woman not to make enough milk and drinking more water is not what makes a good milk supply. Allowing your baby to feed on cue does. Also, practices like co-sleeping (the family bed) are not what make children bratty and dependent (in fact the research proves the opposite to be true)parents produce brats by failing to establish who is the voice of authority in their household, fearing they will hurt the child's "self esteem". Why won't parenting "experts" stop blaming certain practices for ruining children? It is an overall indulgent lifestyle that is to blame. The family bed, extended breastfeeding, or other nurturing parenting styles used for thousands of years all over the world should not be used as the scapegoat because parents don't want to take the time to raise their children. I'm sure Marilu Henner is a wonderful mother but she assumes in her book that because her way worked for her it must work for all. Please do not give this book to new parents. Instead buy Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small and Mothering and Fathering by Tine Thevenin.

As a parent of three children, I found this book to be obnoxious. What Marilu and Dr. Sharon consider to be "overindulgence", in many instances, I call "nuturing". They don't take into account that you can be a disciplinarian as well as respecting your children for who they are, even when they are young babies. It would be better to buy a comprehensive book on the different stages a child goes through by age since there is no one "right" way that guarantees good behavior in every child. Marilu doesn't have any real qualifications for writing a parenting book other than having two small children of her own. This is not a book to give as a gift to any parent, it is very subjective and could be offensive.

The premise of this book belies common sense and leading research into what makes babies thrive. Henner and her therapist contend that responding immediately to a baby's needs will produce a "bratty" child, when in fact, a secure babyhood leads to a child who is more sensitive and open to gentle guidance from parents. Babies don't need discipline and they aren't "brats."

Additionally, the breastfeeding advice in this book is just plain misleading and will cause grief for a lot of families out there.

A wonderful counterpoint to this book (and one that will also offer info on how to raise a well-behaved child) is Attachment Parenting by Katie Allison Granju/William Sears

Where do I begin? There were some very bizarre claims the authors made. For instance, it was claimed that a child who has not broken a pacifier (thumb-sucking) habit may be doomed to smoke cigarettes in his/her adult years. One parent who had a teen asking for advice on how to get the teen off cigarettes (unclear if the teen was on a pacifier as a child), but the problem was that the parent was on cigarettes for many of the teen's early years. Dr. Sharon's advice? To ask the pediatrician to tell the teen how harmful cigarettes are. As if the pediatrician will have more persuasion power then a parent! It will be a sad day when children have more respect for their pediatricians than their parents.

Other claims included that if you let a child over-sleep, the child will become a lazy adult. That the body will adjust to whatever amount of sleep you provide it. I challenge Marilou to go without sleep and have her body adjust to that!

What's the deal on co-sleeping? Humans have been doing it since the beginning of time, yet Marilou decides to tell this story about a father who accidentally stuck his elbow into his infant's neck so that the infant had to be revived. This one story is supposed to scare humanity away from a practice that has been going on for thousands of years?

And what was the deal on preschools which have multiple toilets in the same big room (without dividers) leading children to become voyeurs and exhibitionists later in life? Are these people for real? Do they know how many preschools have communal no-privacy-stalls bathrooms? And what if a preschooler falls into the toilet? How is the teacher supposed to quickly get to the child?

Just to be clear, I do not co-sleep, I personally was on a pacifier until the age of 3 and am not a smoker, and I've tried getting away with 5-6 hours of sleep every day for 3 years and it doesn't work! In addition, I clearly remember being in a preschool that had at least 7 toilets lined up along the wall without stalls and I certainly am not either a voyeur or exhibitionist!

This book just assumes that everyone is the same and it's a good idea to stick all children through a cookie-cutter system and voila! you'll have perfect kids!

I am *not* a permissive parent, but I'm not at all like the type of parent that these authors want us all to be. Everywhere I go (either to other parts of the US or to other parts of the world) people always complement me on how well-adjusted my daughter is. There is some advice in the book that I follow, but it's all common sense. The danger of trying to find the good advise is to *know* which ones are in fact good and which ones are garbage!

I had high hopes for this book, but there was just so many ludicrously bizarre snippets of advice that I had to put the book down because I was laughing so hard.

Give me a break! Apparently Marilu's therapist gave her some parenting tips, then wrote a book using the star's name (and cheesy advice). Downright pitiful. Let us not forget that Marilu has been a mother for a whopping 5 whole years, hardly long enough to consider her an expert.

The worst thing about this book was that they make no distinction between newborns, infants, children and teens. All are covered with pat, easy answers to some very complex questions. The "family bed" answer was dreadful, pompous and ignorant. All breastfeeding advice was suspect, if not downright wrong. I walked away from this book praying that no one else would read it.

I hope that Ms. Henner outgrows her "holier-parent-than-thou" phase as quickly as most children outgrow their unpleasant behaviors.

A far better book for parenting disipline is Sal Severe's "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too". I don't care for his style either but at least he knows the difference between a 3 year old and a 13 year old.

Too bad there isn't a "no star" rating. This book deserved it!

First of all, i second the opinion NOT to supplement with formula to cure a low milk supply! This advice could ruin yuor attempt to breastfeed. The rest of this book is nothing more than the opinionated ramblings of a moter-nothing more. I found her opinions to be rather detached and very parent-centered, rarely taking into account the feelings of a child. What is seen as indulgent is actually just putting a child's needs first. Is that so awful to do sometimes?

Finally, I found her "research" on the family bed to be one-sided and weak.

I honestly thought after reading the first couple of chapters that this book was a parody. It reminded me of some skit "Saturday Night Live" would do on parenting. The answers were short in words and substance. There were also a lot of contradictory statements. The book made me question the credentials of Dr. Sharon. If Marilu and Dr. Sharon felt they HAD to collaborate on a book, then perhaps the better approach would have been for Marilu to pen a book on her views of succesful acting, with Dr. Sharon offering asides to THAT topic.

Although I agree with the idea that overindulgence can cause a child many problems, I found that Ms. Sharon and Ms. Henner often contradicted each other. Most importantly, PLEASE ignore any breastfeeding advice you may read in this book! Ms. Sharon's advice to supplement with formula for a low milk supply is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!! She may be a trained psychologist, but she knows nothing about breastfeeding! Please, if you need advice about breastfeeding, call your local La Leche League!

I can give this book one star since it takes effort to write a book. I was angered by the selfishness of this author. I admit that I did not read the entire book. I was too offended by the first three chapters to continue. The author and her "Doctor" seemed to take good ideas and warp them. Raising children should not be for the selfish. Getting children used to the "real-world" by refusing to rock them to sleep when they are babies is not only wrong, it is hard-hearted. The author uses stories about her own childhood and how difficult it was at times as justification for not attending to the needs of her own child; such as advising to not bother trying to be quiet when her baby was asleep, after all, the "real-world" isn't a quiet place. Sayings like, "I just did not have time to give that kind of attention to my child." is quite the statement on the author's parenting skills. I tried to give this book a chance but three chapters was enough to convince me that it was not worth my time. After all, I have a baby to attend to.