I Refuse to Raise a Brat: Straightforward Advice on Parenting in an Age of Overindulgence (Hardcover)

by Marilu Henner (Author), Ruth Velikovsky Sharon (Author) "May 12, 1994. I remember it will..." (more)
Key Phrases: big brats, been overindulged, New York, Sharon's View Parents

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
Marilu Henner, costar of the TV sitcom Taxi turned bestselling self-help author, has a strong message for doting parents: stop spoiling your children. Many of today's moms and dads confuse placating with loving, spurred by a desire to give their kids the world on a silver platter. Cowritten by Henner (mother of two boys) and her personal psychoanalyst Dr. Ruth Sharon, I Refuse to Raise a Brat explores the long-term effects of overgratifying youngsters and offers a wealth of situational advice.

Henner and Sharon theorize that a child's ability to balance independence and cooperation directly results from the parent-child relationship; too much negotiation, too many toys, exaggerated praise, and overprotection do not help that child in the long run. Instead of learning compliance, the child will learn that everything is open to discussion; in place of gratitude, the child learns greed (either physical greed for more "stuff" or emotional greed for more of the spotlight); and instead of feeling safe, the child will learn helplessness.

The women incorporate a question/answer style throughout their book's 12 somewhat disjointed chapters. Questions such as "Our 18-month old wakes up at five every morning and then he wants to play. What do I do?" receive a practical two- to four-sentence response from Dr. Sharon (Answer: "Don't blame your baby.... If he gets nine or ten hours' sleep, he has every right to wake up at 5 a.m.") Then Marilu responds--sometimes serious, often with a humorous anecdote or one-liner, or at times with a completely unrelated comment. Perhaps not the most authoritative resource, this book will still please, inform, and strike familiar chords in parents who seek nonphysical ways to gain and keep respect. --Liane Thomas

From Library Journal
Actress Henner, who entered the realm of authorship with a couple of health books, now offers her advice on parenting. A supporter of psychoanalyst Ruth Sharon, Henner's basic philosophy is that children are overindulged and thus do not develop into independent adults. Through a Q&A format, Henner relates Sharon's theories about many childhood concerns such as sleep and discipline, adding anecdotes from her own experiences with her two preschool-age sons. Like other books of this nature, this one has some nuggets of useful advice. The overall presentation, however, is impractical with its black-and-white view of parenting. While real-life examples can personalize otherwise dry information, Henner becomes grating and self-serving when talking about her own children. In addition, she provides misleading information about breastfeeding. The most interesting portions are her memories of her own colorful childhood, making the listener hope that Henner's next writing venture will be an autobiography. While this program can supplement well-rounded parenting collections, it should not replace more comprehensive manuals.
-Susan McCaffrey, Haslett H.S., MI
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Collins Living (October 6, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060392665
• ISBN-13: 978-0060392666
• Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 7.4 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 2.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (53 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,598,727 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

54 of 57 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing advice,misleading information, January 6, 2000

By	H. Dana (portland, oregon United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

While I have always enjoyed Marilu Henner on T.V. I will never look to her for parenting advice. This book is too simplistic and adheres to a one size fits all mindset. While I was happy to see that she promotes breastfeeding, some of the information is completely false. For example, it is extremely rare for a woman not to make enough milk and drinking more water is not what makes a good milk supply. Allowing your baby to feed on cue does. Also, practices like co-sleeping (the family bed) are not what make children bratty and dependent (in fact the research proves the opposite to be true)parents produce brats by failing to establish who is the voice of authority in their household, fearing they will hurt the child's "self esteem". Why won't parenting "experts" stop blaming certain practices for ruining children? It is an overall indulgent lifestyle that is to blame. The family bed, extended breastfeeding, or other nurturing parenting styles used for thousands of years all over the world should not be used as the scapegoat because parents don't want to take the time to raise their children. I'm sure Marilu Henner is a wonderful mother but she assumes in her book that because her way worked for her it must work for all. Please do not give this book to new parents. Instead buy Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small and Mothering and Fathering by Tine Thevenin.

59 of 64 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Therapist and Henner Tag-team advice, December 28, 1999

By	Amy J - See all my reviews

I agree with some of Marilu Henner's health advice but can't agree with much of the childrearing advice given in this book. To make pat judgements about so many topics that are person-specific is wrong and unfair - for example, Dr Sharon states that allowing a teenager to sleep in on the weekends will result absolutely in a lazy adult. Both Henner and Sharon feel that it is unacceptable to allow a child to take a mental-health day from school. Attitudes expressed about theories and practices that are well-accepted in many other countries of the world (breastfeeding to a later toddler age, the family bed) seem flippant and harsh. Just because certain attitudes prevail in America does NOT mean that they are correct or healthier. While the question and answer format has worked well in other childrearing books, it seemed forced and flip here. I can appreciate that Henner is a comedienne and that a sense of humor is important, but I didn't always find the sense of humor in this book appropriate and often found it grating. There are more comprehensive childrearing books on the market.

25 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Not a Helpful Book, January 11, 2000

By A Customer

As a parent of three children, I found this book to be obnoxious. What Marilu and Dr. Sharon consider to be "overindulgence", in many instances, I call "nuturing". They don't take into account that you can be a disciplinarian as well as respecting your children for who they are, even when they are young babies. It would be better to buy a comprehensive book on the different stages a child goes through by age since there is no one "right" way that guarantees good behavior in every child. Marilu doesn't have any real qualifications for writing a parenting book other than having two small children of her own. This is not a book to give as a gift to any parent, it is very subjective and could be offensive.