9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Best Relationship Advice I've Heard, November 20, 2009
This review is from: Regret-Free Living: Hope for Past Mistakes and Freedom From Unhealthy Patterns (Hardcover)
Regret-Free Living, by Stephen Arterburn
For many, if not all, of us our greatest desire is to come to the end of our life and declare, "I have NO regrets."
Our minds begin to replay all those incidents that brought pain, shame, regret, and also those that made us laugh and produced feelings of happiness. How can we insure that the last days of our lives won't be lived in constant anguish over what could have been? Perhaps that failed marriage, the estranged friendships or strained parent-child relationships. Maybe the career choices that...well, didn't quite measure up to those "world-changing," at least "leaving our mark" declarations we made as teenagers.
Stephen Arterburn explores many of these, and more mixed with personal and professional experiences he's witnessed in his adult life. He is tender when needed, yet blunt and honest as well.
His book, Regret-Free Living, opens with him sharing one of his greatest regrets and how he dealt with it. Moving from there, he shares the warning signs of unhealthy relationships, then takes his readers--us--on the journey to take responsibility, to embrace our past and who we are, to recognize that though we may have some culpability it does "take two to tango."
He shares with us how to know when we should fight for the relationship and how to fight for it in a God-honoring fashion. There also comes a time to pack it in. Then he brings us to the point of healing with forgiveness, both for self and the other; truly loving as God loves us; restoration and making restitution where necessary.
What I love most about this book is the abundance of Scripture and Mr. Arterburn's insistence that God must be at the center of our world. He emphatically instructs that "Before you can stand up straight before another person, you have to fall on your knees before God." (p.196)
There were various times while reading, I felt as though I was in his office, receiving counsel; looking into the mirror he held before me where I could take an honest look into my life and see clearly for the first time certain areas of my heart that needed redemption and healing.
By the close of the book, my soul resonated Mr. Arterburn's sentiments, "...But I know that money can't even begin to make a down payment on what really counts in life. It isn't accruing awards or accolades. It's knowing you're okay with God, that you're pleasing to him, that you're living your life in accordance with his will and desire.
"Without that, you have nothing.
"Without that you have even worse than nothing. You have regrets." (p.227-228)
I'm thankful for Bethany House Publishers for the opportunity to receive this book, without charge, for review. Had I purchased it, I would still be recommending this book to friends and family who may be battling with regrets in their own life.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Shed the Baggage of Regret, November 19, 2009
This review is from: Regret-Free Living: Hope for Past Mistakes and Freedom From Unhealthy Patterns (Hardcover)
This book gives us tools to use to change our regrets and live regret-free. Arterburn tells us that not only must we forgive others but the biggest obstacle to the life that God plans for us is our inability to forgive ourselves. He actually relates a incident from his past to illustrate this concept. He is very open and honest in relating this major event and the process he had to go through in order to forgive himself and receive forgiveness from the other person involved in the situation. By following this process he shows the reader how much work is involved in the process but how satisfying his life became once he was able to find true self-forgiveness.
I enjoyed this book because it helped me release past regrets from my own life. In parts of the book I felt as though Arterburn was speaking directly to me Perhaps the most important and helpful information I gleaned from reading this book was when I read "don't take on more responsibilty than you actually own for a situation with another person." I have a tendency to focus on my mistakes and deceive myself into thinking I am the sole cause for a situation in my relationships. After reading this book, I will make a conscious effort to accept only my part in a problem.
This book was reviewed for Bethany House Publishers.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Self Help Success, November 10, 2009
This review is from: Regret-Free Living: Hope for Past Mistakes and Freedom From Unhealthy Patterns (Hardcover)
As a Christian Counselor, Stephen Arterburn offers help in the area of relationships. His newest book, Regret-Free Living, is a great resource for those with unhealthy relationships. We all have them. Whether it is a co-worker, family member, or spouse, we are involved in a relationship that doesn't feel right.
Arterburn begins by discussing the "markers of defective relationships (p. 23)" by helping you identify what it is that is creating the unhealthy patterns in your relationships. Whether it's putting yourself first, secrecy, or resentment to name a few, the reader can put themselves in thought as to what is wrong in their failing relationship.
From there, the author helps the reader to admit their mistakes and how to fix the situation. "Living a regret-free life means being honest about everything you did to help create regrets and honest about how you felt when someone else was hurtful to you (p.93)." A person must turn to God for help so that person can be honest and face their mistakes.
Sometimes, though, it seems as though the relationship is not getting better. You've tried everything and it's not going forward. "Not all important relationships, however, will transform for the better; sometimes one of the people is simply not willing to do the work. But before you give up, be sure that you do put forth the effort to make that relationship all that it could be (p.98)." Then the author adds, "if it does end, and you can't fix it, then you'll want to know, for the rest of your life, that you did everything you could to make it right (p.99-99). Eventually, you'll just have to "let it go. Recognize when it's over and let it die the natural death it should (p.102).
What I like about this book is that the author himself isn't afraid to admit his failures in past relationships. How many self-help books have you read where you have felt as though the author seems as though they are perfect or without fault of their own? But this Christian counselor offers practical advice while admiting his previous failures making it easier to identify and connect to this book.
Admittedly, I have relationships of my own that need mending or repairing. This book has helped answer some very important questions I've had in my life in regards to certain relationships. I will definitely keep in on my bookshelf for reference in the future.
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