Customer Reviews

Regret-Free Living: Hope for Past Mistakes and Freedom From Unhealthy Patterns

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Regret-Free Living, by Stephen Arterburn
For many, if not all, of us our greatest desire is to come to the end of our life and declare, "I have NO regrets."
Our minds begin to replay all those incidents that brought pain, shame, regret, and also those that made us laugh and produced feelings of happiness. How can we insure that the last days of our lives won't be lived in constant anguish over what could have been? Perhaps that failed marriage, the estranged friendships or strained parent-child relationships. Maybe the career choices that...well, didn't quite measure up to those "world-changing," at least "leaving our mark" declarations we made as teenagers.

Stephen Arterburn explores many of these, and more mixed with personal and professional experiences he's witnessed in his adult life. He is tender when needed, yet blunt and honest as well.

His book, Regret-Free Living, opens with him sharing one of his greatest regrets and how he dealt with it. Moving from there, he shares the warning signs of unhealthy relationships, then takes his readers--us--on the journey to take responsibility, to embrace our past and who we are, to recognize that though we may have some culpability it does "take two to tango."

He shares with us how to know when we should fight for the relationship and how to fight for it in a God-honoring fashion. There also comes a time to pack it in. Then he brings us to the point of healing with forgiveness, both for self and the other; truly loving as God loves us; restoration and making restitution where necessary.

What I love most about this book is the abundance of Scripture and Mr. Arterburn's insistence that God must be at the center of our world. He emphatically instructs that "Before you can stand up straight before another person, you have to fall on your knees before God." (p.196)

There were various times while reading, I felt as though I was in his office, receiving counsel; looking into the mirror he held before me where I could take an honest look into my life and see clearly for the first time certain areas of my heart that needed redemption and healing.

By the close of the book, my soul resonated Mr. Arterburn's sentiments, "...But I know that money can't even begin to make a down payment on what really counts in life. It isn't accruing awards or accolades. It's knowing you're okay with God, that you're pleasing to him, that you're living your life in accordance with his will and desire.

"Without that, you have nothing.

"Without that you have even worse than nothing. You have regrets." (p.227-228)

I'm thankful for Bethany House Publishers for the opportunity to receive this book, without charge, for review. Had I purchased it, I would still be recommending this book to friends and family who may be battling with regrets in their own life.

This book gives us tools to use to change our regrets and live regret-free. Arterburn tells us that not only must we forgive others but the biggest obstacle to the life that God plans for us is our inability to forgive ourselves. He actually relates a incident from his past to illustrate this concept. He is very open and honest in relating this major event and the process he had to go through in order to forgive himself and receive forgiveness from the other person involved in the situation. By following this process he shows the reader how much work is involved in the process but how satisfying his life became once he was able to find true self-forgiveness.

I enjoyed this book because it helped me release past regrets from my own life. In parts of the book I felt as though Arterburn was speaking directly to me Perhaps the most important and helpful information I gleaned from reading this book was when I read "don't take on more responsibilty than you actually own for a situation with another person." I have a tendency to focus on my mistakes and deceive myself into thinking I am the sole cause for a situation in my relationships. After reading this book, I will make a conscious effort to accept only my part in a problem.

This book was reviewed for Bethany House Publishers.

As a Christian Counselor, Stephen Arterburn offers help in the area of relationships. His newest book, Regret-Free Living, is a great resource for those with unhealthy relationships. We all have them. Whether it is a co-worker, family member, or spouse, we are involved in a relationship that doesn't feel right.

Arterburn begins by discussing the "markers of defective relationships (p. 23)" by helping you identify what it is that is creating the unhealthy patterns in your relationships. Whether it's putting yourself first, secrecy, or resentment to name a few, the reader can put themselves in thought as to what is wrong in their failing relationship.

From there, the author helps the reader to admit their mistakes and how to fix the situation. "Living a regret-free life means being honest about everything you did to help create regrets and honest about how you felt when someone else was hurtful to you (p.93)." A person must turn to God for help so that person can be honest and face their mistakes.

Sometimes, though, it seems as though the relationship is not getting better. You've tried everything and it's not going forward. "Not all important relationships, however, will transform for the better; sometimes one of the people is simply not willing to do the work. But before you give up, be sure that you do put forth the effort to make that relationship all that it could be (p.98)." Then the author adds, "if it does end, and you can't fix it, then you'll want to know, for the rest of your life, that you did everything you could to make it right (p.99-99). Eventually, you'll just have to "let it go. Recognize when it's over and let it die the natural death it should (p.102).

What I like about this book is that the author himself isn't afraid to admit his failures in past relationships. How many self-help books have you read where you have felt as though the author seems as though they are perfect or without fault of their own? But this Christian counselor offers practical advice while admiting his previous failures making it easier to identify and connect to this book.

Admittedly, I have relationships of my own that need mending or repairing. This book has helped answer some very important questions I've had in my life in regards to certain relationships. I will definitely keep in on my bookshelf for reference in the future.

Have you ever picked up a book just because of the title? This is such a book for me. I was intrigued by the thought of "Regret-Free Living" so I began to peruse the book. The first page in the book described it well "Hope for past mistakes and freedom from unhealthy patterns." I loved the chapter names "Stopping the Bleeding" and "Dropping Your Baggage." Each chapter was detailed enough to really gather great information to apply to your life. I enjoyed the scripture verses throughout each chapter. This book was easily read but putting into application all of these thoughts will take time, my time.
This was written with the modern day person in mind with their everyday struggles and challenges but with hope that encourages and uplift the reader.
I loved the "Pray Tell" section - it's just so straightforward!This will be a great stocking stuffer this Christmas!

Steven Arterburn, host of the number one Christian counseling talk show, has heard many people talk about their regrets. His latest book talks about how he personally found his way out of shame and regret over some bad choices he made in life, and how we can all live regret-free.

Regret-Free Living shows the reader how to unload all of the bad feelings and thoughts that come from keeping shame bottled up on the inside. The book does not suggest a "feel good" philosophy but rather teaches us that we are to accept responsibility for our actions and work on changing ourselves, with God's grace, mercy and help.

Steven talks about the signs of unhealthy relationships (resentment, animosity, secrecy, selfishness, etc) and how recognizing these signs, can help us face the reality of what we need to change. Steven is clear to point out that "regret-free" living cannot be accomplished without first and foremost putting our hope and trust in God.

My favorite chapter was Chapter 6, which offers the six qualities necessary for a happy, regret-free relationship. All of the information and advice in this book can be applied to every aspect of life from marriage and parenting to co-workers and business relationships. All throughout the book, Steven uses the truth of God's Word and scriptures to validate and support his points and advice.

***** The person who commented above me wasn't sure which Bible translations were being used in this book. The scriptures quoted are taken from the New Living Translation and the New International Version.

When I first saw the title, I knew this was a book that I definitely needed to purchase and read. It seems like my whole life lately has been centered around all the things in my past that I should have,could have and did not do. It is easy for people to say Let Go, Let God, but it never really seemed like it pertained to me. I saw myself as a failure because of all of the bad decisions or missed opportunities. First, it encouraged me that the author spoke from first hand experience and was truly able to relate to how I was feeling.
I am not saying that I have "magically/miraculously" recovered, but it does reinforce the fact that I can and will start to see my life in a much better perspective.
Thank you Mr. Arterburn for addressing a subject that many have such a very hard time bringing to the forefront.

Stephen Arterburn, leading author, has written a book that is relevant for our times. So many are living with past regrets and cannot move away from the past that is keeping them from living the life that God wants for them. This book offers so much more than just an unloading by the author of his/her past mistakes. It does offer examples, from the author, that show us that he, like many, has suffered from past mistakes. However, Mr. Arterburn offers, along with his examples, practical suggestions for moving past regrets to living a full life, the one that God intended for each of us.

This book is a must-read, especially for those who work with those who may be suffering from these kinds of issues.

I have to admit, I have read one other book by Stephen Arterburn and I actually left the book feeling worse than when I started it. So, I was hesitant to read another book by this author, but I have come a long way in the years since I read that book and his new book, Regret-Free Living is about a more practical, everyday issue. And that issue is healing and repairing unhealthy relationships. Mr. Artherburn presents the reader with useable information about unhealthy relationships starting with how to tell the signs of an unhealthy relationship. He then takes the reader through the steps to either mend relationships or to take the steps to move on and heal and find forgiveness.

I found Regret-Free Living to be a useful and practical book. The information presented here is well organized and clear. This book covers a lot of more surface level issues and does not take the reader in-depth, which I think is acceptable because a reader who needs more depth would probably benefit from one-on-one therapy like I had. The author has included several experiences from his past and experiences from people he has helped which makes it simpler to apply his guidance to our lives. He emphasizes the need for God in our healing and in our relationships.

Unlike the last book I read by this author, I feel comfortable recommending this book to readers who have or have had unhealthy relationships. It is written in a kind and friendly manner that readers will find comforting and helpful.

As a pastor one of the things I like to do is to come up with a theme for each year. This year I have decided on the "Year of Hope." In my search for resources and ideas on where people need hope and the hope that they have I came across a book by Stephen Arterburn entitled "Regret-Free Living: Hope For Past Mistakes And Freedom From Unhealthy Patterns." One area of hope that I decided I wanted to talk about was in the area of relationships. Many people seem to have a lot of difficulty with destructive and unhealthy relationships and habits. This book offers some helpful insight into this area. This book does not pat you on the back and make you feel good just to make you feel good, but instead Arterburn shows us that we have accept responsibility for our actions and the state of our relationships. He also takes the time to help identify some tools that we have at our disposal to help us live a regret-free life. This book, while it is specifically about hope for relationships, has been a help in that area. I recommend this book for those seeking hope in your relationships.

In Chapter 2 of Regret-Free Living, Mr. Arterburn quotes poet May Angelou who once wrote, "History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again." In the book, Steve urges the reader to step back into the past to analyze past mistakes and learn from personal history how not to repeat the errors and missteps.

What has caused your regret? What was your part in the situation? Do you need to grant forgiveness in order to move on? With a voice of experience and his relatable style, Steve is fantastic at thinking up humorous hypothetical situations and sharing very real situations, some positive, many painful, from his own life to show the reader how to avoid living a life of regret, and is careful to give scriptural foundation for his advice.

My advice? Make yourself a big, squishy peanut butter and jelly sandwich (you'll know why when you read the book) and get ready to examine your past and make plans to live regret-free in the future. Highly recommended!

* Reviewed as a Bethany House Reviewer