Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Right [Paperback]

Catherine Hickem (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 2011

Are my kids ready for the world? Did I teach them the right things? What if I made a bad decision that affects them forever? What could I have done differently?

Moms have a list of worries a mile long about their parenting. They fear they’ll spend twenty years raising children—only to discover they missed investing in and teaching the things that mattered. How can any parent be sure she won’t have regrets?

Now an acclaimed motherhood expert teaches the principles every mother needs to confidently raise her children. Catherine Hickem shows you how to:

• Build companionship and trust
• Live peacefully in the teen years
• Maintain your position as the parent
• Develop emotional intelligence
• Know the difference between control and intention
• And much, much more.

Most importantly, Hickem shows how to achieve intentional parenting. Everything important in life requires planning. And every mom knows her greatest legacy, the truest expression of her heart and hope for the world, is bound up in the way she raises her child. With a perspective rich in faith and tested by life, join Hickem and learn how you can achieve regret-free parenting!

“While mothering is the hardest job we’ll ever undertake, our Creator designed it to be the most rewarding, most powerful, and closest to grasping God’s heart.” —CATHERINE HICKEM, LCSW

Endorsements: 

"Have you ever picked up a book and as you read it became aware that this is more than just a great book, it's a gift from God at the perfect moment? That's how I feel about Catherine's book on parenting. If you are like me, you long to love your children well through all the ages and stages of their lives. But at times, the path ahead gets a little foggy….Regret Free Parenting reminds us of what we know to be true.  I am grateful for this book, I believe you will be too." ―Sheila Walsh, Women of Faith Speaker and Author of The Shelter of God's Promises and Gigi, God's Little Princess. 

"Catherine Hickem, wisely reminds us that as parents of teens that 'they need us to be our best when they are at their worst.' Her advice to be the 'Keeper of the Vision' and to provide affirmation to our children during the difficult teen years is exactly the right message. Regret Free Parenting is an excellent resource for all parents! ―Elayne Bennett, President and Founder of Best Friends Foundation and future author of Saving Our Daughters (Thomas Nelson 2012).  Elayne is married to bestselling author, former Secretary of Education and Morning in America host, Bill Bennett.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Catherine Hickem, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist with three decades of experience, is a relationship expert who has made it her life’s mission to equip women for every facet of their lives. She is an author, speaker, coach, and counselor who received a BA in Education and a MS in Social Work from University of Louisville. Hickem lives in Delray Beach, Florida, with her husband, Neil. They have two adult children, Taylor and Tiffany.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson (March 1, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1595553231
• ISBN-13: 978-1595553232
• Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.3 x 8.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (103 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,185,207 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Intentional Mothering March 20, 2011

By Mom of Steel

Format:Paperback

What first drew me to Catherine Hickem's book was the title: Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing it Right. Now, I'm a conscientious parent. I take my mom job pretty seriously, hence the parenting book selection. But "regret free"? I wasn't so sure about that!

Early on, Hickem writes: "being an intentional mom and a regret-free parent means you spend good time being intentional about yourself, your role as a mom, and your understanding of yourself." And that is essentially what the book is about: intentional mothering. The book explores seven principles: being intentional about understanding your purpose, knowing and affirming your child, being a vision keeper, developing emotional intelligence, maintaining your position, addressing your fears, and being God-dependent.

These principles were the real meat of the book and I appreciated the process of evaluating my own intentionality in each area. In fact, each chapter has a section in the back with questions and application points that would be great for personal journaling or a group study. Included in the back of the book are also resources to outline your own parenting plan, a link to Intentional Moms (the organization Catherine Hickem founded), and a list of books and even movies that would be helpful.

Hickem is a thoughtful writer whose therapeutic background is evident. A number of her points resonated with me. She stresses that motherhood isn't just about the development of your children, but also about YOU and who you will become while you are mothering. She encourages readers to carefully evaluate their own fears and insecurities, striving to be emotionally mature in order to raise well-adjusted kids.... As a a parent with kids moving into their teens, I really appreciated the chapter reassuringly titled: "You Can Live Peacefully in the Teenage Years". I very much liked the emphasis on "being" instead of "doing" and thought it was poignant to remind parents that their teens shouldn't be defined by one moment in time. In fact, I found myself underlining a lot of sound advice!

While I appreciated and agreed with a great deal of Hickem's material, two things in particular didn't sit well for me. One is that fathers are pretty much glazed over. In all fairness, the back jacket does mention "mom" right off the bat, and it is a book about MOTHERING, but the optimal model for raising kids would include two parents. Page seventeen clearly says that mom sets the examples and dad follows along. I know that's how it is in many households, but I'm not sure that's how it should be. And still in other homes, how would intentional parenting play out when mom is not the primary caregiver? Considering the weight of raising kids, all of the responsibility and intention should not be shouldered by one parent alone. I would liked to have seen a more complete picture.

The other thing, for me, is that I just can't get over the assumption that intentionality will eliminate regret. Hickem says mistakes and regrets are two different things, and I agree. But I still think regret is possible when imperfect people are involved. Even great intentions sometimes still miss the mark. A conscientious parent will always be evaluating their choices. Parenting decisions so often push into gray areas where the answer is not always black and white. And confidence isn't necessarily the cure. Hickem herself says that we can easily be confidently deceived. I am raising great kids, by God's grace, but there will always be the ache of wondering what I could have done better. That inadequacy leads me to regret, but the paradox is that it also keeps me dependent on God.

I do tip my hat to Hickem for mentioning parents of children with special needs. Parenting books are great, but those of us with special kids read them a little bit differently. Her book isn't specifically geared to kids with special needs, and the mention of them was relatively short, but I still give her kudos for remembering that we're out here! Much of her material can be easily translated to cover all kinds of kids, so I was able to read and learn from the book on behalf of my special needs guy as well as his typical sibs.

The book also speaks to a range of parents. It's an excellent read for newbies. (In fact, I wish I had been coached by books like this early on so that I could have been intentionally working out my own issues BEFORE doing it alongside of raising my kids.) I's also a good read for parents of grade schoolers and teens to help us through those difficult years to "keep the vision". Those with adult children may not find much here (a little in the conclusion), but there is mention of Hickem having material for a future book on that topic.

Overall, Regret Free Parenting was a smooth read that generated a lot of thought. I'll be keeping it as a standard in my parenting book collection and be recommending it to other moms!

*** I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own! *** Read more ›

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Regret-free Reading March 4, 2011

By Me&2Kids

Format:Paperback

I rarely read books that aren't fiction. I rarely read books found in the Religion section. In the times when I do pick-up a "non-fiction" book, I RARELY read it in one sitting. I chose to review Catherine Hickem's book "Regret-Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing it Right" for BookSneeze and I read it in one sitting. It is not fiction, and it is in the Religion section...

It reads like a novel, fast, easy paced and straight to the point. There are no big words, no hidden meanings, and no mystery to be figured out. She is a captivating writer for such a broad topic that has been written about ad nauseam. She writes about religion, about spirituality and about God. I am not highly religious or overly spiritual and she writes so kindly, so delicately, the messages and quotes she describes are just so true and positive, it doesn't matter which religion, if any, you belong to or if you are spiritual or not. She writes about beautiful messages that make you feel good, inspired, and motivated.

She writes for moms and the messages that she discusses and the words and phrases that she uses to describe motherhood, will make you eyes well up with tears. I never realized as I did when I read her book, that when she writes about a child thinking of their mother, just how important and PURPOSEFUL being a mom really is. I mean I knew it is important, but how she describes it is so genuine, so innocent and honest, words that my children at their young age could never describe to me, made me see things in a different light. I love they way she appears to write as the child, the mother and the narrator.

Remember, by being an intentional mother, by understanding (and remembering!...) that parenting is about the children and not the parent, and by understanding (and remembering!) that children need to be and act like children, life can get all that much better! Read more ›

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars very helpful to moms February 15, 2011

By ashmom

Format:Paperback

Catherine Hickem, LCSW, the Founder of Intentional Moms, wrote Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing it Right. This book has a beautiful blue cover with a woman's hand holding a picture of three children. There are two hundred fourteen pages before which are a foreword, preface, and acknowledgements. The Foreword is written by two of the authors children. Hickem helps the readers understand "Why Well Meaning Mom's raise insecure kids." Followed by " Why good Kids don't feel good." A big topic on every parent's mind that is addressed is "You Can live peacefully in the teenage years." There are many other subjects addressed through out Regret Free Parenting. I found this very helpful with my parenting strategies for my three year old child. I also plan to continue to refer back to this book as our family grows for reassurance. I would recommend this to any parent old or young. Or even a mother to be.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Learning not to repeat the same mistakes February 15, 2011

By Milk Donor Mama

Format:Paperback

Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Right by Catherine Hickem is a faith based parenting book for mothers.

Hickem discusses her own experiences in motherhood as well as those of mothers she has ministered to in her work as a therapist, counselor and pastor's wife.

She starts with how our own experiences during childhood shape our mothering style and skills, and how we can overcome shortcomings in these areas so as to not repeat the same mistakes that we recognize in our own upbringing.

This is something I am all too well aware of in my own life. I lived in a rather dysfunctional family and although I do not blame my parents for that, I certainly do not want to repeat those same dysfunctional experiences with my own kids. It takes conscientious effort for me sometimes. I received much in the way of criticism, derogation and lots of other not very loving treatment as a child. There was much yelling and name calling on the part of my parents when I grew up. I vividly recall being called a "fat-a@@" by my mom (I was not obese), as well as "lazy" and so on. This does nothing for the parent-child relationship.

My parents have expressed their own regret over how I was treated as a child, although I'm not sure if they remember these details like I do. I don't remember much in the way of happy times because there weren't many. That's what I remember. Being called a "fat-a@@".

Hickem focuses more on the teenage years, so that doesn't apply to my family at the moment but gives food for thought as my kids grow.

She writes in an easy to read style, and without the holier-than-thou attitude expressed in some parenting books....

I would recommend this to anyone who had a difficult experience in a less than loving home as a child, and who does not want to repeat the mistakes they suffered from as a child.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising." Read more ›