Customer Reviews

Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

I am a sex educator teaching in a Michigan college town. A graduate student told me about Rekindling Desire and how it helped both she and her partner have a much better sex life. I bought Rekindling Desire on her recommendation, read it, and now recommend it to couples of all ages. If a couple want to work on being an `intimate team'-a term that is creatively used in the book-to change their sexual life for the better, they'll find this book honest and clear, explaining lots of common sexuality concerns and making suggestions for how to move forward and solve problems. The book doesn't just cover sex, it really helps couples deepen their relationship and strengthen their intimacy.

The McCarthys' have written other good books about sex, and are known for their conversational, non-textbook way of writing. Since Barry McCarthy is a sex therapist, he understands real people and real people's problems. No time is wasted on blaming; instead there are understandable and doable steps outlining a path to change. Great information, clearly written. For people who want to work together realistically to bring out the best in themselves, this is a wonderful book.

Finally, an empathetic, informative, non-judgmental approach to understanding and resolving what felt like an overwhelming problem. I was impressed that the book offered such kind, practical advice without assuming a clinical tone. It was clearly written and by following their suggested techniques, my husband and I are truly emerging as an "intimate team". Our thanks to the McCarthy's for their sensitive and sage advice. This book is not for those who wish to take a TV commercial pharmaceutical approach to their sexual issues; however, I would highly recommend it to couples who seek to understand and strengthen all aspects of their intimate relationship.

What a surprise to see that the reader from Kalamazoo was disappointed with this book .... Au contraire, I thought the authors did an excellent job of laying out reasons for lack of marital bliss between the sheets, and then presenting great step-by-step strategies and techniques for effecting change.
There were many eye openers:
* Good sex in a marriage contributes 15-20% of marital vitality. Bad sex contributes 50-70% of marital malaise.
* Romantic love is inherently unstable usually ending before marriage or seldom lasting past the first year.
* Sexual desire is based on emotional and sexual intimacy NOT on romantic love or passionate sex.
* YOU are responsible for yourself as a sexual partner. It is NOT the job of the spouse to make you desirous or turn you on.
* Good intentions are not enough. You need a PLAN to enhance your sexual relationship. The most successful strategy is a gradual step-by-step process.
* The most powerful aphrodisiac is NOT an esoteric technique; it is an involved, aroused spouse......
The McCarthys did a fine job of differentiating "media hype" sex,(spontaneous,intense,nonverbal,passionate,perfect)from "real marital sex", (less than half of the time there is equal desire,arousal, orgasm and satisfaction).
I also enjoyed learning about the poisons for sexual desire. It was a jolt to discover that sexual desire is SO easy to kill.
I could go on about the merits of this book.... Suffice it to say; it was a great and informative read. I highly recommend it for all couples, but especially for those grappling with sexual concerns.

I particularly liked this book because it approaches the problem of rekindling sexual fulfillment in marriage from the viewpoint of the whole person. That is, it deals with the range of mental and emotional elements which contribute to real sexual fulfillment. This permits the reader to identify the elements applicable to his or her relationship and also to recognize that remedial action may require a range of actions.

I also liked the authors' thesis that sexual fulfillment, even in a good marriage, is something which should be viewed as an objective to be tended to, requiring a certain amount of ongoing attention.

I had read sex-starved marriage prior and there was very little new information that I learned in this book. The author definitely takes a much more clinical approach than Sex Starved Marriage but in the end he is basically saying the same thing - increase desire through more physical arousal. It's not a bad "introduction" to the subject and it (along with Sex Starved Marriage) will help couples when the low-desire partner is motivated to work on the problem. This is rarely the case.

It wasn't until, I read Dr. Schnarch's Passionate Marriage that I discovered the "real" dynamics at play in our relationship. Passionate Marriage has a completely different approach to it. If you could only buy one book, I would recommend Passionate Marriage instead.

Barry and Emily McCarthy have written THE book for couples who are mired in a sea of sexual avoidiance. If you still love your partner, but you somehow just can't make the sexual connection, read this book. It is a treasure trove of practical, realistic
strategies to revive your love.

Here, finally, is the comprehensive, thoughtful, down to earlth, un-gimicky guide and roadmap I needed to have to give to the many, varied low and no sex couples who I see for sex therapy. There is no simplistic, woman's-magazine advice to be found in the pages of Rekindling Desire. I can't think of anything I wish the authors had said that they omitted. The discussions and the cases have depth, and as a reader struggling with the problem of a low sex relationship, you will find yourself in its pages. As the reader, you can hear the authors' seasoned clinical voices cheering you on, giving you sage advice. A major strength of this book: you get concrete, healing suggestions for rethinking, reframing, and constructively talking to eachother about this important, joint problem.

You also get the chance to give up some long-held myths that are ruining your chances to reawaken love. I admire the McCarthys' discussion of normal sexuality and their counseling on realistic sexual expectations. Just reading through Rekindling Desire will be educational for all couples. Low and no sex relationships are complicated. Rekindling Desire does't promise instant cures, it doesn't hype the "latest advances." To make deep changes, readers will need to be committed to change, to grab hold of the techniques provided. But by adopting the "intimate team" approach, a loving couple who each intend to reclaim their due share of physical and emotional connection and sexual desire will surely succeed.

The McCarthy's book is helpful to get the conversation started about low-sex marriage. However, it requires two willing or somewhat willing partners. Throughout the book he recommends getting a sexual therapist involved which is helpful if you live in a mdetropolitan area with that sort of resource. Their exercises are somewhat helpful but are not a menu of step by step. It is more of a conceptual exercise on how to assess where you are at and what the next steps might be to make things better between you both.

Recommended

The insight revealed to me through this book was truly life changing. It is a guide to help couples change the way they view their expectations of long term, marital sexuality and put a new, healthy perspective into practice in order to renew and energize a most necessary and wonderful part of their marriage. With the knowledge I gained from this book, along with lots of prayer and a little relationship counseling, I was able to take what years of shame and social stigma had me convinced was the "normal" way to participate in a marriage and exchange it for a positive and loving character that encouraged me to love my husband emotionally, spiritually and physically without preconceived expectations or fear - including fear of rejection. Our once nearly dead marriage has taken a fresh new breath of life.

I am a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience in the field. This is a book that I was eagerly awaiting and am using on a daily basis as an adjunct to my work with couples. It is clear, repetitive enough to "make the point," and gives couples clear steps that they can read and evaluate on their own, as well as in the therapy sessions. I fell very positive about recommending this book.

This book gives practical advice for happily married couples who need to spice up their sex life. I liked this book because it focuses on sex-related issues rather than fixing troubled marriages.