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Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love Paperback – June 3, 2010


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The Next Happy: Let Go of the Life You Planned and Find a New Way Forward
When the best option is to let go of the life you planned for yourself and find a new path, a world of possibilities can surprisingly open up.
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Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love + How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (June 3, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572247460
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572247468
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (67 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #58,424 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Relationship Saboteurs is for anyone who wants long-lasting love and can’t figure out how to find and keep it. Randi Gunther’s honest, illuminating, and straightforward approach helps us to understand something so basic yet so complex: how to love and be loved.”

—Lori Gottlieb, bestselling author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough



“Once you know where the land mines are, it’s much easier to avoid them. Randi Gunther’s Relationship Saboteurs is the guidebook you need to defuse and disarm the behaviors that implode relationships.”

—Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of Emotional Fitness for Couples and Emotional Fitness for Intimacy



“Randi Gunther is a lifesaver. She has saved mine a few times over. With this book, she puts her decades of experience and her phenomenally deep and intuitive knowledge of couples dynamics into an easily digestable and applicable form. Whether one does the included exercises or not, a careful reading of this book will give you a roadmap to get on the path towards a healthy relationship or marriage.”

—Larry Klein, Grammy-award winning record producer, musician, and composer

From the Publisher

Relationship Saboteurs presents a seven-step model for exploring and overcoming the ten most common destructive relationship patterns and building a healthy, long-lasting partnership.

Customer Reviews

As I read the pages of this book I find myself and the mistakes I have made.
North woods girl
This is an eye-opening book that aids in the understanding of new ways to help us all find the right roads to happiness in love and life.
T Valentine
This book is more helpful if only one person is sabotaging the relationship, which I think is very rare in troubled cases.
Tuuli

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

180 of 205 people found the following review helpful By booklover99 on April 11, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
We all know that Amazon sometimes contains fake reviews, but with 50 reviews, I assumed those for this book weren't. Wrong. After buying this Kindle book and reading a couple chapters I went back to the reviews and saw that nearly every reviewer has only reviewed this book. The same for her second book, with the exception of a couple who reviewed this one too. All raves. The book is unbelievably amateurish, except for those so self indulgent as to self-publish what reads like a dull thesis and call it a "book." I wish amazon would do something about these fake reviewers. The best thing about this book is its cover, the rest I wish I could return. Thumbs DOWN.
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73 of 97 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Zivago on April 9, 2012
Format: Paperback
someone wrote...It helped me to be the best lover I can be, blah blah blah. There is no ground for this words in this book. I am sick and tired of reading this, but I can't buy every book to see what's in it. Reviews are only helpful if real. I must admit reading this book was a total waste of time with no exeptions. I am seeking to be the best lover I can be, but I didn't find any help here. I found it in Free to Be Me by Arthur Vonshtain (take caution you may not be ready for this book)
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23 of 33 people found the following review helpful By RWK on July 9, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Being a man, I rarely read this kind of book but my wife read it and I noticed a positive change in her so I read it. I'm glad I did because this book was very telling and hit me between the eyes and I needed it. It is always our intention to blame our loved ones for problems but when it comes down to it; you need to look at yourself!!!! This book was an amazing discovery for me and the list of 10 makes it easy to take into my daily life to guide me towards being the best lover I can be!!!! This book is so insightful and real, I recommend it to everyone!!!!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on August 14, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I have suffered at the hands of my family all my adult life. I had an illness I didnt know I had, a silent killer if you may.
Randi Gunther put a face, a name, an understand to my illness. Though our familys love us uncoditionally, sometimes they unwittingly plant a seed or seeds that our life expierences will foster into demons in our life. I reguard no ill will toward my parents, they did the best the could. This book set me free of the bondage of self desructive behaviors I have been doing to myself all this time. I not only see my problems, but I recognize the illnesses of others, which has allowed me the compassion and empathy I need to be a true friend.
If you have sruggled with passed failed relationships, as I have, this book will most likely shine the light of trueth on the common denominator, not to say you or I were solely responsible, but we were the common denominator. She speaks plainly and candidly. This book will probaly shed light on your partner if you can't explain why the more you love them the more they push you away.
Finally, if you ever wondered why it's been said, watch what you say to your, or any child, this book will enlighten you, hopefully educate you.
This book is not for somebody looking to blame somebody, it's for people who can look at themselves in the mirror and say, "I need help"
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11 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Dr. SRA on February 7, 2013
Format: Paperback
This review is inspired by tragic comments of Dr. Zivago. I am a doctor and so are my peers. I've read the author's books and am one the hundreds of thousands of followers of the author in Psychology Today. This is a book on relationships...engaging and simple. An explanation of human behavior and human follies in interacting with one another... of interweavings of the psychology of mind and the experiences of the heart...pitfalls we step into and the heart breaks we experience as a result...things we know, we have forgotten, and we need to be reminded of. It is not intended to be an academic read; it's intended to help our quest for intimacy. Regarding comments by one of the reviewers; countering ridiculous book reviews is not my pastime, but this time around it is time well spent indeed. I pity Dr. Zivago....using the title to establish credentials he/she does not have! I find people in healing arts and professionals from all walks of life to be less hateful, less vulgar, and more eloquent and intricate in their expression of a view point. I am left to imagine what has inspirited Dr. Zivago to fire off such a spirited malign attack over a $12 book purchase? If the good Dr did not find the contents of the book useful, a more intelligent/insightful/to the point comment would have sufficed. Dr. Zivago has endorsed a book on God's Medicine which is ranked at 1,632,790. So what credence, what value, should I assign to his comment on this book? And Dr. Zivago wants to talk about God?? His God is very hateful and the society is best served by searching for another.
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9 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Lisa A. Romano on May 5, 2012
Format: Paperback
I love books that tell it like it is. I don't care very much for fluff, or smoke and mirrors. I want to read books by authors who have done their own personal work, who now have something to offer me as the reader.

What I enjoyed about this book, was the honest way in which it was written.

The author uses her own life as a backdrop for the guts of this book, and isn't afraid to call the kettle black.

The main concept I came away with, is the idea that we are all responsible unto ourselves, and that unless we know why we sabotage the relationships we're in, we have no idea how not to keep repeating the same old unresolved childhood patterns that cause the sabotaging in the first place.

It isn't easy learning to look inside ourselves for why we are so unhappy. And it is even harder to discover our personal flaws and then to write about them in a book.

Kudos to the author...who has turned what she has learned into a book that others may learn from.

Namaste...
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More About the Author

Dr. Randi Gunther is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor practicing in Southern California. In her forty year career, she has accumulated over 100,000 face-to-face hours with individuals and couples. She has inspired hundreds of people in her workshops and lectures to go beyond their limitations and create successful relationships. A practical idealist, she encourages her patients to break the bonds of repeated negative patterns and to pursue new options.

"The creation of a long-lasting, wonderful relationship is not automatic or easy. Like any other important commitment, it can only continue paying dividends with a continuous re-investment of time, energy, and devotion. From the thousands of hours I've spent with couples and individuals, I have learned what skills and values successful couples practice that ensure their love will continue to regenerate. My books are an encapsulation of those principles."

Dr. Gunther and her husband met when they were in their teens and have continued their mutual devotion for over fifty years. They feel that the principles and skills in this book are what have successfully guided them on their journey through life together.

She regularly shares her articles on Psychology Today Blogs and on Huffington Post, and can be reached directly by logging on to her web site, randigunther.com.

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Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love
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