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Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love Paperback – June 3, 2010


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Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love + How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (June 3, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572247460
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572247468
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (67 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #249,127 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Relationship Saboteurs is for anyone who wants long-lasting love and can’t figure out how to find and keep it. Randi Gunther’s honest, illuminating, and straightforward approach helps us to understand something so basic yet so complex: how to love and be loved.”

—Lori Gottlieb, bestselling author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough



“Once you know where the land mines are, it’s much easier to avoid them. Randi Gunther’s Relationship Saboteurs is the guidebook you need to defuse and disarm the behaviors that implode relationships.”

—Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of Emotional Fitness for Couples and Emotional Fitness for Intimacy



“Randi Gunther is a lifesaver. She has saved mine a few times over. With this book, she puts her decades of experience and her phenomenally deep and intuitive knowledge of couples dynamics into an easily digestable and applicable form. Whether one does the included exercises or not, a careful reading of this book will give you a roadmap to get on the path towards a healthy relationship or marriage.”

—Larry Klein, Grammy-award winning record producer, musician, and composer

From the Publisher

Relationship Saboteurs presents a seven-step model for exploring and overcoming the ten most common destructive relationship patterns and building a healthy, long-lasting partnership.

More About the Author

Dr. Randi Gunther is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor practicing in Southern California. In her forty year career, she has accumulated over 100,000 face-to-face hours with individuals and couples. She has inspired hundreds of people in her workshops and lectures to go beyond their limitations and create successful relationships. A practical idealist, she encourages her patients to break the bonds of repeated negative patterns and to pursue new options.

"The creation of a long-lasting, wonderful relationship is not automatic or easy. Like any other important commitment, it can only continue paying dividends with a continuous re-investment of time, energy, and devotion. From the thousands of hours I've spent with couples and individuals, I have learned what skills and values successful couples practice that ensure their love will continue to regenerate. My books are an encapsulation of those principles."

Dr. Gunther and her husband met when they were in their teens and have continued their mutual devotion for over fifty years. They feel that the principles and skills in this book are what have successfully guided them on their journey through life together.

She regularly shares her articles on Psychology Today Blogs and on Huffington Post, and can be reached directly by logging on to her web site, randigunther.com.

Customer Reviews

What I enjoyed about this book, was the honest way in which it was written.
Lisa A. Romano
Dr. Gunther's book is a perfect guide for all of us who have wanted a way to find and keep that one special person in a healthy, continuous relationship.
Rachel Sulmeyer
I really loved this book because it helped me better understand some of my past mistakes in relationships.
Jay

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

178 of 203 people found the following review helpful By booklover99 on April 11, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
We all know that Amazon sometimes contains fake reviews, but with 50 reviews, I assumed those for this book weren't. Wrong. After buying this Kindle book and reading a couple chapters I went back to the reviews and saw that nearly every reviewer has only reviewed this book. The same for her second book, with the exception of a couple who reviewed this one too. All raves. The book is unbelievably amateurish, except for those so self indulgent as to self-publish what reads like a dull thesis and call it a "book." I wish amazon would do something about these fake reviewers. The best thing about this book is its cover, the rest I wish I could return. Thumbs DOWN.
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73 of 97 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Zivago on April 9, 2012
Format: Paperback
someone wrote...It helped me to be the best lover I can be, blah blah blah. There is no ground for this words in this book. I am sick and tired of reading this, but I can't buy every book to see what's in it. Reviews are only helpful if real. I must admit reading this book was a total waste of time with no exeptions. I am seeking to be the best lover I can be, but I didn't find any help here. I found it in Free to Be Me by Arthur Vonshtain (take caution you may not be ready for this book)
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23 of 33 people found the following review helpful By RWK on July 9, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Being a man, I rarely read this kind of book but my wife read it and I noticed a positive change in her so I read it. I'm glad I did because this book was very telling and hit me between the eyes and I needed it. It is always our intention to blame our loved ones for problems but when it comes down to it; you need to look at yourself!!!! This book was an amazing discovery for me and the list of 10 makes it easy to take into my daily life to guide me towards being the best lover I can be!!!! This book is so insightful and real, I recommend it to everyone!!!!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on August 14, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I have suffered at the hands of my family all my adult life. I had an illness I didnt know I had, a silent killer if you may.
Randi Gunther put a face, a name, an understand to my illness. Though our familys love us uncoditionally, sometimes they unwittingly plant a seed or seeds that our life expierences will foster into demons in our life. I reguard no ill will toward my parents, they did the best the could. This book set me free of the bondage of self desructive behaviors I have been doing to myself all this time. I not only see my problems, but I recognize the illnesses of others, which has allowed me the compassion and empathy I need to be a true friend.
If you have sruggled with passed failed relationships, as I have, this book will most likely shine the light of trueth on the common denominator, not to say you or I were solely responsible, but we were the common denominator. She speaks plainly and candidly. This book will probaly shed light on your partner if you can't explain why the more you love them the more they push you away.
Finally, if you ever wondered why it's been said, watch what you say to your, or any child, this book will enlighten you, hopefully educate you.
This book is not for somebody looking to blame somebody, it's for people who can look at themselves in the mirror and say, "I need help"
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9 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Courtney Meyer on August 11, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Relationship Saboteurs is a powerful book. I married a little over 2 years ago. The skill set required for a lasting relationship was not a gift my husband and I possessed. In fact, we both waited or rather avoided marriage until we were almost unmarketable (me 46 and my husband 51). As a couple with no solid base for trust, sharing or communication we knew we needed help. We were lucky enough to find "Relationship Saboteurs". There is finally a "how to" manual/book on marriage that shows you what not to do and how to bring the best out in each other. I have recommended this book to all my friends and family.
Thank you Dr. Randi Gunther for giving us the tools to be successful.
Courtney Meyer
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7 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Beverly on September 9, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The information in this book is VERY helpful for all types of relationships -- love, friendship, and business relationships. I kept finding myself thinking of examples of the "saboteurs" in relationships I have either witnessed or experienced in business, friendship and in love.

The information in Randi's book helped me put closure on previous relationships and better understand why certain situations happened. The book will also help me know when to walk away or try a different approach to take into account the "saboteur" at work!

I highly recommend Randi's book!
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15 of 22 people found the following review helpful By MBarker on September 24, 2010
Format: Paperback
Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine LoveI I have read many self-help books in the course of my psychology practice in order to pass on the best ones to my clients who are readers. Randi Gunther's book is a unique combination of cognitive, behavioral, and psychodynamic therapy. She manages to incorporate childhood events without staying on them forever; rather, she quickly incorporates the information for the the present situation. I would highly recommend this book to my clients. It is easy to read without speaking condescendingly to the reader. I think anyone would find Relationship Saboteurs helpful with relationship or communication issues. The exercises are provocative but simple, without being simpleminded. This is a winner.
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