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Relative Stranger [Paperback]

Mary Loudon (Author)


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Book Description

2006
When Catherine Loudon died in 2001, the author and journalist Mary Loudon had not seen her sister in over a dozen years. Shocked, feeling an unaccountable sense of loss, Mary began to explore the traces Catherine left behind, trying to discover the truth about her sister – trying to discover who she was. The result of her search is this riveting, moving, and deeply thought-provoking book.

Catherine was always an unsettled personality: when still a child she had threatened her family with violence; when she travelled to India as a young woman, her disturbing behaviour led to her father being summoned to return her to England. She refused to join him, but then reappeared, unannounced, at home a year later. Caring and passionate, but also unstable and paranoid, she was finally diagnosed as schizophrenic. As far as her family knew – Catherine kept in contact with them intermittently, and only on her own terms – her life was a cycle of flats, prisons, and psychiatric hospitals.

Mary Loudon’s quest for her sister begins when she touches Catherine’s cold hands in the harsh calm of a hospital morgue. She visits Catherine’s overpoweringly cluttered flat, and finds herself struggling to choose which of the piled up paintings and clothes she should take to remember Catherine by. Then, over time, Mary tracks down the men and women who inhabited Catherine’s life and the people she affected: the caring nurses who tended to her in her last weeks; the grocer she knew for almost twenty years; the social worker who clashed with her; the minister and nun she prayed with.

Mary Loudon captures each conversation perfectly, with a brilliant ear for spoken language and a telling eye for detail. And though the task seems overwhelming at first, gradually, with each encounter, a more nuanced picture of Catherine emerges. It includes facts that tally with the idolized older sister Mary remembers as well as disturbing revelations, such as Catherine’s self-identification as a man, named Stevie.

In this book Mary Loudon unpicks our preconceived definitions of sanity, belonging, and familial responsibility. Over the course of Mary’s search, we cease to define Catherine by her illness; instead she becomes a human being, full of compassion for the world and possessed of a lively, personal wit. Relative Stranger challenges our most deeply held notions of what makes a life full and valuable – but even though reading it is an education, this is also an undeniably personal and elegiac story, coloured on each page by Catherine’s suffering and the distance that existed between the sisters.

A deeply honest family memoir, a compelling detective story, and a test of our prejudices, Relative Stranger is both a vitally important book and an unforgettable one.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Astonishing. . . . Mary Loudon  sets out to learn the story of her vanished sister, but winds up finding herself.  A haunting, harrowing meditation on the meaning of family, of love, and of madness.  Memorable, lyrical, and unsettling.”
–Jennifer Boylan, author of She's Not There

“People as empathic as Mary Loudon are rare. Writers as incisive and clean are even rarer. Her loving, sharp, elucidating journey into the mind of madness is a testament to the power of understanding.”
–Norah Vincent, author of New York Times Bestseller Self-Made Man

"Loudon has "a novelist’s eye for detail – nudging the heartbreaking chaos of her sister’s terrible flat towards the transforming beauty of still life. . . . Vivid, true and moving."
The Times (UK)

"One of the most moving and compelling memoirs of the year. . . . Balanced, thoughtful, . . . . a brilliantly clear portrait of the havoc mental illness can wreak in a family’s life."
The Scotsman (UK)

"Remarkable and very affecting, and a comfort too. Mary Loudon sees through the dark of insanity to the light of understanding."
–Fay Weldon

“Written with great flair, clarity, imaginative intensity, and extraordinary confidence and style. Honest and unvarnished and without mawkishness of any kind. Convincing, gripping and moving, it will deserve to be a triumph.”
–Jonathan Dimbleby

“[Loudon’s] book heaves with emotional involvement: our hackles rise when a man who runs a drop-in centre describes Catherine as a ‘shadowy figure’, precisely the sort of dismissal from which this account succeeds in rescuing her. . . . ‘I see a woman who didn’t lack friends,’ the author concludes, satisfied. Nor did she lack a sister who loved her.”
The Sunday Times (UK)

“[A] moving memoir [that] describes how mental illness can break even the strongest bonds. . . . Relative Stranger reads almost like a novel of the well written kind. . . . [A] remarkable and powerful illustration of the value of every human life, no matter how it is lived. . . . [An] extraordinary story of ordinary people.”
Scotland on Sunday

“An intelligent work of self-searching, self-reassurance and justification. . . . Loudon’s clear moral tone and determined purpose give her prose a swing and balance.”
The Guardian (UK)

“This is a touching and revealing account of a life discovered after death.”
Sunday Herald (Glasgow)

“One of the most moving and compelling memoirs of the year. . . . Balanced, thoughtful, and never strains for emotive effect. . . . [A] brilliantly clear portrait of the havoc mental illness can wreak in a family’s life, showing just how much of a personality it can occlude, but also the value of what’s left.”–The Scotsman

“A perceptive and sensitive exploration of the judgments that society makes on the value of people's lives. . . . This book will offer balm to many who have loved and lost a person with severe mental illness, and challenges many of the myopic misconceptions and generalizations that are ascribed to those who live with mental illness.”–The Lancet (UK medical journal)

“Loudon is always honest, and her internal journey as she faces head-on her older sister’s illness and alter-ego is compelling. . . . Loudon has successfully confronted her demons in this book, and there will be many readers who can empathize. They may even take comfort from the writer’s experiences.”–The Oxford Times Supplement (UK)

“Loudon’s accomplishment here seems courageous and large. The world feels more alarming, but somehow wider with this account of an estranged, and strangely vital relative who lived in it, for a while.”–Times Literary Supplement

“Move this to the top of your reading list because it’s a gem, in which Loudon tackles the tricky subject of how you grieve for a loved one you barely knew…It’s a book full of questions — because isn’t that what you’re left with when you lose someone? — as well as a vibrantly honest account of raw emotions.” --Glamour

“[Loudon’s sister] Catherine was schizophrenic. With that nugget of information, the way opens for a wistful, we-have-recognize-the-devastation-this-disease-wreaks book, but Loudon doesn’t take that route. Relative Stranger: A Life After Death reads more like a travel mystery, undercut with bleak humour. . . . Beneath it all is Loudon’s admiration for the ‘family’ that did look after Catherine. . . . Loudon has written not just a history of the sister she never saw as an adult, but a weird travel book about a place that most of us, if we’re lucky, will escape visiting.”–Toronto Star


From the Hardcover edition. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Mary Loudon is the author of Secrets and Lives: Middle England Revealed; Revelations: The Clergy Questioned; and Unveiled: Nuns Talking. All three were published to enormous critical acclaim. She has won several writing prizes in the UK, appeared frequently on radio and television, reviewed for The Times (UK), chaired many public discussions and been a Whitbread Prize judge. Mary Loudon lives in Oxfordshire and the Wye Valley with her husband and children. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 335 pages
  • Publisher: Canongate Books Ltd (2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1841958077
  • ISBN-13: 978-1841958071
  • Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,286,886 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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