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Sex, Lies & Religion (Enjoying The Freedom of Unconditional Sexuality)

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It is not often that I open a book by a minister and immediately find a description of his euphoric sex-on-the-beach encounter with his wife as a sacred experience. That is when I realized two things about this book:

* 1. Not everyone will like this material.

* 2. I will probably love it.

Randy Elrod presents a thoroughly researched paradigm shift in the way spiritual people approach sex. He is talking to Christians in this book (the brave soul,) but I think it calls to those who have cast away their Christian faith as well.

Sex, Lies and Religion is in its own words, "controversially redemptive" in its purpose. Controversial because not all people can reconcile paragraphs that deal with the very practical i.e. "how to use a vibrator to make erections last longer," with the spiritual concept of intercourse symbolizing intimacy with our passionate Redeemer.

As Elrod delves into how to masturbate without going blind OR becoming a pervert, many a Sunday School Teacher may blush in horror (While students from 12 to 120 may cheer out loud.) When he deals with the lies about fantasy (ergoing the football kind) he offers compassionate clues into the yearnings of humanity.

Whether tackling lies about nudity, gender equality, self-pleasure, sexual fantasy or "yada,yada, yada," he continually offers truth to set the reader free from condemnation. Elrod writes with the pen of an artist, philosopher and poet, painting pictures that glisten with supernatural love, acceptance and eroticism. He scoffs at the religious notion that the body is evil and unspiritual. He embraces the idea that ALL we do can be spiritual and draw us closer to God.

If I have any concerns with this book it would be that it is sometimes so deep and idealistic that its beauty may be lost on the average guy who likes to drink beer and play poker on his non-church days. The song of songs after all, calls not just to poets and philosphers but to all who have ever yearned to give and receive true love. It is in the presence of such overwhelming goodness, that vices and "unholiness" lose their appeal.

I love the book Sex, Lies, and Religion. Not just because it dares to go where no minister has gone before, but because it vibrates (no pun intended) with life that is abundant, love that is undefiled, and redemption that is complete.

There are many books out there about sex, even a lot of books about sex oriented toward Christians. There are not many that are about how to have a healthy view of sex as a Christian. Sex, Lies and Religion will be uncomfortable for many to read. It is about sex, the lies that religion and culture tell us about sex and how God has created sex, not just for pleasure and procreation, but as a teaching tool to show us how God wants to be intimate with us and desired by us.

I have two clear teaching points about sex that I can think about. These are not the bird and bees discussions. I had those too, but instead these two discussions were about what to think about sex. When I was in early high school (sophomore?), Charlie Peacock released an album called Love Life. I remember talking with my Mom about the fact that a large Christian bookstore chain would not carry the album because it included the line "they were naked and unashamed" (the song was Kiss Me Like a Woman). Apparently the decisions makers did not get the biblical reference. Or Charlie Peacock's point that we need to have more Christian expressions of positive sexuality, within marriage, to counteract the negative expressions of sexuality outside of marriage. My Mom though that the song was a beautiful expression of sexuality and disagreed with the decision. A second teaching point came as a pastoral intern during seminary, when my supervising pastor has a conversation with me about how uncomfortable some of the music we were singing in church made him. It used language that was too intimate and showed too much desire. He clearly thought there were sexual overtones to the music. I disagreed for pretty much the same reasons. I thought there were some sexual overtones to the music and thought that not only was it appropriate, but it illistrated the type of desire we should have for Christ and the church.

Randy Elrod's book follows in that vein. I think that this book should be discussed. Depending on the small group and their willingness to be open, it might be too intimate to discuss in small groups. But if there are any books that you should read together with your spouse, this is one of them. The book is divided into three sections: Sex, Lies (about sex) and Religion.

The opening section was what might make people most uncomfortable. There was a good discussion on masturbation and another on the purpose of sex. While I agree with most of the Lies section, it is probably organizationally the weakest of the three sections. It deviated from the other two sections and was more scattered. The third section was the most theologically oriented. The best parts were when he was trying to talk about why sex shows us to be intimate with God. I do wish he had relied a bit more on some of the theologians from the Middle Ages. Many of them were writing about similar themes and it would have grounded the teaching a bit more in historical theology.

Overall this was a good contribution to the Christian world I hope it sells well and it can help to counteract some bad teaching on sexuality.

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Disclosure: I received this book free as a digital advanced copy (a PDF file that I converted to read on my kindle.)

First, let me say that there is a lot of good in this book. When I started reading it, I knew that the author was a friend of my pastor, which gave him credibility and trust - neither of which was lost, however I think he missed a big opportunity on which this platform provided.

It wasn't until I got to Chapter 11, that I realized that I don't see this Christian author promoting this sexual freedom for within the boundaries of marriage at all. And that, for me, is a deal-breaker. I feel that this omission compromises the entire message of the book. On page 125, he says "The theological symbolism of sexual union (whether single or married) makes visible the invisible mystery of God." Huh?

He continually uses the words "lovers" and "couples" even when he refers to a Bible verse which specifically says husband and wife (not "couple") - pg. 137: "Sexual union is also liturgy and a sacrament. It is an entrance of a couple into the profound mystery of the Lord (Eph. 5) This is the essential calling of sexual communion and it's liturgy - the sacrament by which the couple becomes "one flesh."

On page 139 he does say "But selfless and dynamic lovemaking - particularly within the context of marriage - is not only a richly satisfying experience, but also one of sacramental ways encountering the mystery we call God (1 John 4:16). It's that word "particularly" that irks me. Again, I don't personally know Randy, but I feel he is saying - I guess it's better if you're married, but if you're not, don't worry, as long as your goal is to get to know God better, have sex with whomever and attain this goal.

There is an obvious amount of research that went into this book and I agree that much of what has been taught (or avoided for that matter) in church about sexuality is meant to make people feel shameful of their God-given sexual longings. Though it is recognized that these desires can become twisted and sinful...the author beautifully writes that "Sometimes the body longs for God in the most paradoxical of ways. Could it be, as one writer puts it, that every knock at the door of a brothel is actually a knock at the heart of God?" pg 21.

In the Lie about Self-Pleasure, which is interesting, and quite, frankly, made me laugh out-loud with this sentence: "Despite these cautions, self-pleasure does offer positive benefits. There is a reason God gave us hands and genitals with a complementary physical proximity." Funny? Yes. An argument that stands up? No. Some friends and I were discussing this and one said you can say the same thing about pulling the trigger on a gun - your finger has complementary physical proximity, right? Also, perhaps the proximity was given for more reasons than just self-pleasure, like, I don't know, washing/bathing? Not entirely disagreeing with that chapter, I'm just sayin'.

I wanted to like this book - but it would take quite a lot for me to recommend it, and when I do, I'd probably want to lend them my book with my notes. Again, there is A LOT of good in this book - from self-serving actions on a multitude of levels, lust, self-control (we tend to trade the ultimate for the immediate, pg. 116 and HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, pg 117) and several other topics typically shied away from in many churches.

I would LOVE to hear a what Mark Driscoll has to say about this book :)

I recently had the opportunity to read Sex, Lies & Religion by Randy Elrod. The author, a Nashville artist and a true Renaissance man, is, as he says in this book, not afraid to challenge the "status quo" when necessary. He is doing that with this book

Sex, Lies & Religion is an important look at God's desire and plan for intimacy with us. And as he says in the book, when "we embrace these truths, we also discover God's original plan for our sexuality."

This book absolutely does that in an artful manner. Elrod uses Scripture as a foundation, but also includes art and academia to paint what I believe to be a beautiful and freeing picture of God's intentions for us.

This is also a book that tackles subjects the church has deemed taboo or refuses to acknowledge. In all this silence, whatever the motives, we have missed the opportunity to experience a part of God's beautiful plan for intimacy and sexuality.

My favorite part of the book is chapter six. In this chapter, Elrod addresses equality between the sexes and the objectification and self objectification of women. I so appreciate that he, as a Christian man, confronts these issues head on. I found it refreshing at the very least that he has done so in this particular format.

There are some who will find parts of this book challenging or uncomfortable. There are some who might even be downright offended. I say, so be it. So why am I okay if it makes people uncomfortable? Or even if a few are a little offended?

Because I think that sometimes people need to be uncomfortable -- they need to be directly confronted with the lies they've believed even if that makes them squirm a bit. Those lies hold us in bondage. The truth sets us free and sometimes, the truth is darn hard to hear. But it must be said just the same.

I think this book does that. It speaks the truth. It confronts the lies. I highly recommend it, not only because of the subject matter but because it is a well written, thoughtful book.

I received this as a free advanced reader copy from cre:ate 2.0 Publishing to read and post a review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are mine.

This past week I had the opportunity to preview the soon to be released book "Sex, Lies & Religion."

Randy's book rightly portrays a God of love and redemption and a holistic view of God and sex as well as the abundant life He offers us all.

His own words from Chapter Eight explains it well, "Free to give love, not spend lust. Free to share ourselves, not possess others. We are free to caress our lover, not `cop a feel.' Free to view the human body (clothed or unclothed) in wonder, not voyeuristic shame. We are free to understand God is for our enjoyment of sexuality, not against our deepest erotic desires. He is enthusiastically for all that we are as whole beings as we enjoy the freedom and communion of both soul and body."

I found my self reading the book quickly and craving more. I must say that (after growing up in legalistic religion and receiving "a flawed introduction to sexuality at an early age"), I often found myself blushing behind my Macbook and asking, "Should I be reading this?" At the same time, each chapter invited me to fully comprehend the true beauty and freedom that God offers and left me with a hunger to enjoy both God and the gift of sex in a way that will result in more fulfilled relationships and a satisfying climax. (I can't believe I'm posting this.)

Although I still personally struggle with some of the ideas shared within the book (i.e. sexual fantasies and various correlations), I thoroughly enjoyed the chapters about Nudity and Art, The "M" word, Healthy Equality, Sacred Sexuality, and the fruits of the spirit.

If you want to experience a redemptive and holistic God in every area of life (including sex), I would recommend that you read this book with an open heart (and possibly with your spouse close by). Results are guaranteed.


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from cre:ate 2.0 Publishing to read and post a review on my site. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255

This book has a lots of interesting things to think about. Some are right on, such as how our culture wants to objectify women and sex. Others are a bit more edgy (and for some it may be a bit offensive), such as sexual fantasy and masturbation. But I like how Randy leave many of these questions unanswered, just like the Bible does.

I love his thoughts on celebrating a sacred sexuality where sex is akin to a sacrament. And the parallels he draws from the intimacy of communion, but I've yet to figure out a practical way to think about it from that perspective.

Also his thoughts on immortal longings. If sex is really at the heart of so many of our actions and things in our culture then it's good to be discussing and thinking about it in relation to not only theology, but our everyday life (which is just theology in motion). Explore the mystery of oneness, not only the oneness experienced with your spouse, but the oneness you can experience with God

As a parent, I realize that its my responsibility to understand things... about sex and the deep mystery it conveys about our spirituality and our temporal existence here on earth... in preparation to have open and frank conversations with my kids about these things... when the time is right. If I don't do it, then certainly culture will. And culture undoubtedly doesn't have a healthy view of sexuality from any standpoint

I certainly wish I had found a book like this years ago for my own sake.

In Sex, Lies and Religion, Randy Elrod gains my attention by asking "Have you ever had an experience with God that exceeds your most wild and fulfilling sexual moment? If the answer is no, you are not alone."

I'd have to admit that for most of the first half of the book, I was lost as to where Randy was truly going. I thought maybe he was saying that without having real sensual sex, one could not understand true intimacy with God. This might be a problem with singles who should believe that sex outside of marriage is sinful.

The book was in part a history of the lies that culture and religion have created that bends the truth about sex. It was in part a description of how to have good sex. It was in part a theology of seeing the body as important as the soul and the injustice religion and culture have put on the value of the senses and the body. Throughout the book, he interweaves sex physically and spiritually with your mate and with God. He says that our desires for sex is our desire for God. I felt that it was written from the assumption that the reader is a Christian married person and only mentions briefly what singles are to do.

In the end, the book was more about how sexual lies affect more than our sex lives, they show up in what we believe about God and visa versa. Ultimately, the intimacy that is lacking in the marriage is also probably lacking with Him. The last 40 some pages, in my opinion, would have served great at the beginning of the book.

The book has a lot of material and concepts in which 134 pages cannot do justice to the thought. For more on the book's ideas, check out [...]
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from cre:ate 2.0 Publishing to read and post a review on my site. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Sex, Lies, and Religion is a beautifully written reflective narrative of how sexuality and spirituality have been viewed throughout man's history. I love how its roots to leaves information sharing allows readers to go to deep places in their own thought and values systems. The book encourages the reader to engage and identify their own culture and beliefs regarding their teachings about sex, the church, and God.....I found Sex, Lies, & Religion absolutely thought provoking, enjoyable and made me thirst for more thought and conversation on the subject. The downside of Mr. Elrod's writing? Perhaps being a Kindle edition, I can't ask Randy to sign my inside cover! This is a keeper and one I will use in many discussion with youth, parents, leaders, and ministry teams! Well done Mr. Elrod..I look forward to hearing you speak one day!

This book is a very interesting read and offers much to consider and ponder in regards to what conservative Christians have been taught about sex. I must be honest, I had to sit in a quiet place with no other distractions to read some of the parts that were more theologically based. Sometimes I had to re-read parts so that I could digest everything. Even still, I found myself wanting to read more and explore all the ways that my beliefs could be challenged.

I think the biggest point that Mr. Elrod is trying to make is that for so many of us, we were raised to believe that sex was something that good Christian people shouldn't talk about or really enjoy, when in fact, further study of the Bible and what Scripture actually says, shows a completely different picture.

Here's probably the best quote from the book, "We are free to understand God is for our enjoyment of sexuality, not against our deepest erotic desires. He is enthusiastically for all that we are as whole beings as we enjoy the freedom and communion of both soul and body."

I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in a different perspective than you've probably had towards God and sexuality.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from cre:ate 2.0 Publishing to read and post a review on my site. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to read and review Sex, Lies and Religion. For some reason I found myself clicking on that button. "Sure, I'll read an advanced copy and post a couple reviews for you, Randy!" After all I felt like I was part of the process. I had taken the survey. I voted on the cover art. So why shouldn't I review a preview copy of the book and post it on my blog? Well, because my co-workers and my Mom, my daughters and my HUSBAND read my blog! Now I'm sunk. One of my top strengths is responsibility. If I tell you I'm gonna do something, I'll do it or die trying! So I'm writing this review...even if it kills me.

I will tell you that this book and I got off to a rocky start. However, I have found one of the best ways to learn something new is to listen to people that you don't agree with one hundred percent. So I continued to read with an open mind.

I think one challenge in reading this book will be that it forces people into uncomfortable territory. How do you discuss such a personal topic while still respecting the privacy of individuals and couples? How do you determine what is dysfunctional, unhealthy or just personal preference? There seems to be at least one fine line exposed here and I think "religion" has erred on the side of ignorance (ignoring the subject altogether) versus balance (freedom within faith). I don't feel that I was taught by "church" that sex is bad, I think the silence on the subject implied that it was. How do you deal with not knowing what you don't know? Especially when no one talks about it?

That's exactly what Randy Elrod has had the courage to do in writing Sex, Lies, and Religion. He has unwrapped and revealed some of the precious treasures of God's intentions for humanity - treasures long hidden and thus forgotten. This book shines new light on words and concepts as well as their implications that you may never have considered.

I think one of the most practical pieces of advice Randy shares can be summed up in the following quote from the book:

"Perhaps it's time to utilize the Bible as our sex manual. And for those aspects where it is silent, we should then depend on an open dialogue with those we trust."

And as is true with most great advice, it sounds much easier than it actually is. But who doesn't need a little challenge now and then? Read and learn.

I received this book free from cre:ate 2.0 Publishing to read and post a review on my site. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255