Remembering: The Death of a Child [Paperback]

Robert R. Thompson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 2002

Remembering: The Death of a Child is a personal account of a family's tragic loss of their eighteen year old son in a freakish traffic accident. Following the narrative of the accident, and the shock and sorrow it visited upon the family, the author offers words of support and healing as well as words of hope and inspiration. A chapter on The Compassionate Friends details the importance of sharing tragedy in the group setting. At the end of the book a section on grief resources provides contact information for The Compassionate Friends as well as other resources for bereaved parents.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Dr. Thompson's experience as a father, husband, and physician allows us unique insight into the death of a child -- Steven L. Channing, Foreword

From the Publisher

Remembering:The Death of a Child receives National Book Award!

Sugarloaf Publishing House is pleased to announce that Remembering:The Death of a Child by Robert R. Thompson, M.D. is the first place winner of the 2003 Independent Publisher Book Award for the Aging/Death and Dying category!

In announcing the winners of the 2003 awards, Editor Jim Barnes of the Jenkins Group said, "The quality of the books this year took another quantum leap forward and we were awed by their creativity and craftsmanship. From our viewpoint, independent publishing continues to mature, improve, and become a more vital part of the world of books and reading. I applaud the courage of authors and publishers who aren't afraid to take chances and break new ground. This is where the innovation in the world of publishing comes from"

The 2003 award winners in fifty-two categories were selected from 1545 titles entered by 952 publishers representing forty-one U.S States and six Canadian provinces. Minnesota publishers claimed eight awards.

Other finalists in the Death and Dying category were Anna's Friends (Rogue River Books) and A Good Enough Life:The Dying Speak (Goose Lane Editions)

The Death and Dying category was added for the first time this year to IPB's awards recognizing the genre and its importance to helping people in bereavement adjust to their sadness and overcome their acute grief over the loss of a loved one.

This book of 112 pages, published by Sugarloaf Publishing House, and beautifully crafted by Lecy Design of Minneapolis, is written and designed primarily for those parents and siblings who have experienced the loss of a child and sibling. However it can also be a help to others who seek ways to provide help and support to bereaved families.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 112 pages
• Publisher: Sugarloaf Publishing House (November 1, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0972294201
• ISBN-13: 978-0972294201
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,502,694 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Loya Coffin of Bereavement Publishing's Review, June 4, 2003

By 

Loya Coffin (Colorado Springs, CO United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Remembering: The Death of a Child (Paperback)

Book Review
Remembering the Death of a Child
By Robert R. Thompson, M.D.

This excellent book of "Support and Healing, Hope and Inspiration" is the story of a couple's grief journey after the tragic loss of their son, Paul Leslie Thompson. Even though Dr. Thompson is a physician and all too familiar with death, nothing could have prepared him and his wife for the acute grieving process that lay ahead of them. Dr. Thompson describes his experience with these words:
"The death of a child takes you on a journey like a hawk carries a rabbit through the sky. It eventually drops you either dead or wounded. What you see and do on the journey is up to you. The journey itself is not."
Dr. Thompson invites the reader to join him and his wife on their journey through grief. He explains their need to see, feel and hold their son after the accident. He tells of the funeral plans and how they made it through the ceremony in a zombie-like state. He admits that although he and his wife are practicing Christians, they sometimes felt too numb to pray and were not sure what to say to God. They tried to make sense of it all, but couldn't. "I thought then and still believe, that the pain of losing a child derives in part from the anger we feel that the natural cycle of life has been interrupted."
Dr. Thompson then gently lets us know what was helpful to the couple as they faced their grief. "We took consolation where we could find it," he remembers. Both were grateful to have each other and to be able to share the journey with their other two sons, parents and other family members. The recollection of last words spoken and the memories shared were appreciated and represented little drops of soothing oil on the wounded hearts. The loving and caring friends who took over in the house and who just sat and listened were of great consolation. Touch was also very important in the healing process. "Handshakes were not enough. Embraces were required and each hug squeezed out a new burst of anguish." Almost every decision was validated with the words, "Paul would have liked that." A notepad was put near the casket, so that anyone who wanted to could write a memory of Paul on it. Someone introduced the Thompsons to The Compassionate Friends who believe that "grief shared by many is grief borne by many" and who suggested that they use a memory box to collect memorabilia. The church family acted as a supportive community and relieved them of some of the burdens of daily life. The funeral director and the pastor helped by providing a "healing funeral." Patients, staff and colleagues "carried" them and allowed them to grieve as long as they needed to.
We would expect Dr. Thompson to also describe some of the physical and mental effects of grief. He describes that both, husband and wife, started suffering from throbbing headaches soon after the news of their son's death. Other symptoms were fatigue, numbness, sleeplessness, weight loss, gray hair and his wife's onset of menopause.
Depression was a concern, but Dr. Thompson knew that medicating grieving patients is not appropriate unless there are signs of serious melancholia and "involutional" depression. It took a voluntary decision to not "extend the acute grieving process and make a career out of it." Although sometimes marriages suffer from the grief experience, Dr. Thompson found that "a mutually supportive respect for each other's personal grief can result in a stronger marriage - one in which both partners rely on each other for mutual support and encouragement, as well as continued personal growth."
This grief experience has effected a changed in Dr. Thompson's attitude toward death. His patients and his own mortality have taken on new meaning. Both Dr. Thompson and his wife don't want to "move on" or "get on with their lives," but want to integrated moments of remembrance and appreciation for life and the living into their daily lives.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Important New Book Offers Hope, Help and Healing, November 19, 2002

By 

Joni Woelfel (Minnesota, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Remembering: The Death of a Child (Paperback)

In his compelling new book, Remembering: The Death of a Child, Dr. Thompson offers caring companionship to those grieving the loss of a child as he traces the journey of his own loss following the tragic death of his 18 year old son, Paul, in l989.
Dr. Thompson writes, "In my 25 years of medical practice, I had seen death. I knew death. I knew it as a friend and welcome visitor and I knew it as a hated and feared monster... But now, in this brief moment of dread, I did not associate death with one of my own children." Thus begins the unfolding of a journey that would alter his life forever. Dr. Thompson writes of the early shock, funeral and grief, "Ultimately... I thought God, like us, was a witness to an unwanted tragedy and, like us, was hurting deeply for one of His precious flock."
The reader realizes that one of the greatest gifts of Remembering: The Death of a Child is the wisdom offered through the experience of over a decade of processing and healing since the passage of Paul's death. One feels drawn into the many layers along the way, including the dream world and the visit to the scene of the accident, where the family poignantly made their final goodbyes as well as thoughts on grave tending. Through gentle words of encouragement, Dr. Thompson writes of not making a career out of acute grieving and the return to work as he and his lovely wife, Martha, discovered renewed sensitivity to others and new meaning regarding their own mortality. Through the use of vivid imagery, Dr. Thompson writes at length, "The death of a child takes you on a journey like a hawk carries a rabbit through the sky. What you see and do on the journey is up to you. The journey is not."
As a physician, Dr. Thompson's book has an added gift in that it not only authentically spiritually companions a grieving parent toward comfort, it explains the process from a medical, psychological point of view. As healing gets underway, Dr. Thompson writes of support, "In reality, its meaning is different for each person, and we each derive support in different ways." From here, the book seamlessly flows through deepening, healing grief and many other aspects---such as the comfort from his church, fear of forgetting what our lost loved one looked like, and 'survivor guilt.' Referring to the support of Compassionate Friends and the challenge grief brings to a marriage, Dr. Thompson writes honestly about grief issues that will never be resolved while learning to integrate and cherish our memories, relationships and lives.
Remembering: The Death of a Child is thought-provoking, illuminating and relevant---offering genuine hope that can only be written by someone who's walked the walk and found the way. Highly recommended, with gratitude to Dr. Thompson for having the vision to write such an important and much-needed book.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Death is a Terrorist, April 4, 2003

By 

Johan Hinderlie (Minneapolis, MN) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Remembering: The Death of a Child (Paperback)

Death is a terrorist. Never is it more of a terrorist than when we see it strike our children. We are gripped by anger, frustration and pain in a way that none of us is prepared to handle.

Bob and Martha Thompson invite us into the world of their terror beginning with the first minutes after they received the word of the car accident that killed their son, Paul. From that call through the funeral and the loneliness that followed they guide us through their painful experiences and feelings.

Bob not only describes the desolation of his son's loss, but he also illuminates the way of healing that God gave to their family. As a physician he understands the way the body works to heal its injuries. His medical insight gives him creative metaphors for the healing that is needed in our heart following the death of a child.

One of the most important parts of this book is the witness that it gives to all of us who are marked by death. Bob and Martha write down their "remembering" to reveal how our wounds do not lead to hiding but open doors to healing as we learn ways to share them with others.

This book will help families who have grieved the death of a child do their own remembering. It will also be treasured by those of us who walk alongside these friends to understand how remembering brings healing over time through the presence of the one who re-members us, our crucified and risen Lord, Jesus Christ.