Remembering Lives: Conversations With the Dying and the Bereaved (Death, Value and Meaning) [Paperback]

Lorraine Hedtke (Author), John Winslade (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 15, 2004 | ISBN-10: 0895032856 | ISBN-13: 978-0895032850

ABOUT THE BOOK Grief is frequently thought of as an ordeal we must simply survive. This book offers a fresh approach to the negotiation of death and grief. It is founded in principles of constructive conversation that focus on "remembering" lives, in contrast to processes of forgetting or dismembering those who have died. Re-membering is about a comforting, life enhancing, and sustaining approach to death that does not dwell on the pain of loss and is much more than wistful reminiscing. It is about the deliberate construction of stories that continue to include the dead in the membership of our lives. The book specifically rejects common assumptions about the need to seek closure, complete unfinished business, work through stages, or say final goodbyes. Re-membering also rejects the idea that relationships end when biological life ends. Lorraine Hedtke and John Winslade offer this innovative approach by weaving inspiring stories with accessible practices that can be used by professionals and others to ease the transitions that death brings. The book demonstrates and illustrates the practical implications of recent and radically divergent thinking in the field of death and grief. It is a book that has the potential to startle and at the same time to bring fresh hope and comfort to many who walk in the valley of the shadow of death.

Editorial Reviews

Review

I recommend this book highly both to the bereaved and to professionals. -- Robert A. Neimeyer, Ph.D. Editor, Death Studies author, Meaning Reconstruction and the Experience of Loss

This book is a gift. -- Ken Gergen, Ph.D., author, An Invitation to Social Construction

From the Inside Flap

"This book is a gift. It reconstructs the realities of death and grief in such a way that we are lifted up. With conceptual sophistication, clarity of voice, and an ear for good stories, the authors teach us about the importance of narrative in keeping those who have passed on alive and well in our daily lives. An inspiring work." —Ken Gergen, Ph.D., author, An Invitation to Social Construction

"Compassionate and conceptually sophisticated, Re-membering Lives transcends the constraints of traditional grief theories with their emphasis on ‘letting go,’ offering instead conversational practices for ‘holding on’ to those we have loved and lost. I recommend this book highly both to the bereaved and to those professionals who wish to assist them in cultivating continued connection to the sustaining relationships that give life its meaning. "Animated by a narrative emphasis on the storied nature of human life, Hedtke and Winslade open new vistas for continuing the life stories of those we love beyond their deaths. This practical and compassionate volume has a place on the shelf of every counselor and therapist who wants to help the dying and bereaved affirm their continuing bonds in the face of life’s ultimate transitions.

"By clearly articulating the healing power of remembering practices, and anchoring their recommendations in evocative case vignettes, Hedtke and Winslade provide a new perspective on the challenges and possibilities of bereavement that is both revolutionary and readable. This book draws inspiration from the narrative and meaning-making approaches that are transforming the filed of grief therapy, while at the same time sharpening its practical implications. "Compact and compassionate, this book will help both the bereaved and the secular or spiritual counselors they consult affirm sustaining attachments even in the face of death. The conversational practices offered by these authors extend the life legacies of those we have loved and lost, and have a place in the work of every grief therapist." —Robert A. Neimeyer, Ph.D. Editor, Death Studies author, Meaning Reconstruction and the Experience of Loss

"This volume in the Death, Value and Meaning Series offers an "out of the box" philosophy for healthcare professionals in the end-of-life care provision. Based upon the concepts of remembering and constructive conversations, this book provides an alternative, sometimes radical, departure from the traditional grief and bereavement theories.

Through a series of stories and vignettes, the book engages the reader, while providing interactive opportunities to contribute stories of their own to this ongoing research. The book is innovative and disturbing at this same time—interesting reading.

Mental health clinicians, family therapists, caseworkers, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, physicians, nurses, bereavement counselors, hospice and palliative care professionals—all will find this an excellent resource for alternative grief therapies." —Becky Stepp, BBA, MEd, BS, M(Seton Medical Center), Doody Enterprises Online Review

". . . for me this is a good book to be re-reading, to return to, and to continue gaining from, as I apply its wisdom in my practice. The ideas here lead on to further thought and discussion too in many areas, such as the application of narrative methods to non-death griefs, and to relationship endings in all their infinite varieties.

I think this book is a valuable addition to the written and spoken material on grief, and it would have appeal and application for many of those of us who either grieve, or support those who grieve. It sits well alongside any professional practice modalities which are concerned with: person-centered work, meaning making, strengths-based work, reframing, empowering, honoring lives and relationships, and much more. Overall its message provides a remarkably positive and hopeful approach to grief work in all its aspects." —Anne Horrill, New Zealand Association of Counsellors Newsletter, September, 2004

"Hedtke and Winslade emphasize the importance of remembering our dead by speaking of them ften and so allowing them to live on, rather than to remain silently hidden away within the grieving individual. This book proposes linking rather then severing, connecting rather than disconnecting, and that this can and should be done before we die. It shows how we can embrace the dying and the bereaved in the membership club of the living. The book is critical of any grief therapy and bereavement counseling that suggests 'letting go of the dead' and 'getting on with life', where this means forgetting the dead or discouraging continuing bonds with the dead." —Josefine Speyer, Natural Death Centre News & Views Autumn/Winter 2004

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Product Details

• Paperback: 152 pages
• Publisher: Baywood Pub Co (March 15, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0895032856
• ISBN-13: 978-0895032850
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #437,458 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Narrative Therapy for the bereaved, March 3, 2010

By 

Ana "wisdom-seeker" (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Remembering Lives: Conversations With the Dying and the Bereaved (Death, Value and Meaning) (Paperback)

Narrative therapy is an approach which social service professionals in a counseling capacity can use to help their clients discover other aspects of ther own story than that which they perceive as problematic. Lorraine Hedtke's book applies this approach to counseling the bereaved who have lost an important person in their lives, by helping them to realize that the relationship formed with that deceased person does not die with physical death, but remains a formative factor in the bereaved's sense of self and life going forward. She encourages the bereaved to think of their circle of friends and family as a "club" of which they are all "members", and to consider the deceased as an ongoing "member" of the club, albeit in a different way than prior to the death. It's an approach that boosts the importance of relationships, plays down the need to "say goodbye" to the deceased, along with all of the "tasks" that have become part of the grief counselor's bag of techniques. It's a helpful read, and narrative therapy can become a valuable tool when used in a balanced way. We are all people of story, and the tenor of the story which dominates our perception of self and others can change how we think and feel.

Ann P. White, LCSW

5.0 out of 5 stars Remembering lives, October 27, 2007

By 

Ms. Judith A. Mcallister (Australia) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Remembering Lives: Conversations With the Dying and the Bereaved (Death, Value and Meaning) (Paperback)

An excellent book, well priced and delivered in a speedy manner. Invaluable in my work with those with life limiting illness, and their families.