Customer Reviews

Repairing Your Marriage After His Affair: A Woman's Guide to Hope and Healing

5 star:		(1)
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1 star:		(0)

 

 

An easy read. The advice is well intended and good. However, I didn't like the overall feel of this book no matter how many times I picked it up. I saw its value, but it continually rubbed me the wrong way.

In my situation, the truth about the affair came out slowly, horribly, over months and months. It included not only betrayal by my spouse, cold-hearted arrogance by the other adulterer, but the discovery of aiders and abettors who were 'supposed' long-term friends of the family. It was so hellish, that when I finally came out of fight or flight mode, settled enough to begin reading recovery books such as 'Repairing Your Marriage', the worst was over. What happened already happened.

This book has a lot of 'you must do this', and 'you must never do that' (while in the throes of it). I couldn't relate to the idea of a 'proper' way to conduct your self after being violently flayed open. Every situation is so very different. There is no real blanket advice. I just couldn't plug the rawness of what happened in my life into the 'clinical experiences', which this book is based upon, and end it all with meditations and visualizations. Couldn't get my teeth into it, even though I appreciated the work that went into creating this book.

I did not find this book helpful at all. In fact, I felt it made me more guarded and confused as to the "proper" way to conduct myself. I was afraid to speak. From "timeouts" to the meditations and visualizations to heal yourself, it left me cold. To read that you need to see it from his side and the anger he must feel makes you furious. His anger and pain is nothing compared to the person that has been betrayed.

I found this book very helpful to me and my husband. It basically saved my marriage. There were many good points that the authors covered. They offer specific guidelines for talking to your spouse. I practiced what they suggested around "timeouts" when having a serious heated discussion and it has helped. I found the information on traits of men that are prone to having affairs fascinating. My husband was open to reading the book together and he learned things about himself as well. I also found it helpful to learn about distinguishing thoughts from feelings and how to sooth myself during very rough times. This book helped me deal with my anger, why the affair took place, and what to do to develop trust between us. I recommend it highly.

This book is very informative and revealing. It examines the steps in your grief, sadness, betrayal etc. and their normalcy. Explains the "blame" processes and how to understand and restructure the relationship through truth, therapy and "open" discussion.

A "must" book for every womans library to help her understand the male "ego".