Replacement Child - A Memoir [Paperback]

Judy L. Mandel (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 2009

Honest. Funny. Heartbreaking. A plane crash-the injury of a two-year-old girl- the impossible choice a mother must make- leave a hole in the family that threatens to tear it apart. Replacement Child is a story of love and transformation as you follow one woman's brave path to recovery-sometimes through laughter, sometimes through tears-as she embraces the love that allows her to finally forgive.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"This touching tale of healing and understanding explores the sometimes unconscious expectations of love." --Hartford Magazine

"Replacement Child is a . . . touching story any parent will relate to . . . a memoir that should
not be overlooked by parents." --Midwest Book Reviews

"Riveting . . . I couldn't put this book down. Mandel's memoir is as riveting and gut wrenching as any piece of thriller fiction I've read." --Bookpleasures

"A very powerful memoir . . . I definitely recommend picking this one up." --Raging Bibliomania

"This is a wonderful read. I did not want to put it down. This book really takes you on a journey of one person's struggle to examine who they are and where they came from. I highly recommend this book." --The Social Frog

From the Back Cover

Replacement Child opens with the explosion of a plane crash,
the injury of a two-year-old girl and the impossible choice a mother must
make. The death of a child leaves a hole in the family that threatens to tear
it apart.

In a great act of hope, the parents give birth to a "replacement child," born to
heal wounds and provide a "salve for the burns." The child unwittingly plays
her role throughout childhood, riding the deep and hidden currents of the
family tragedy. Years later, as an adult, she discovers the truth of her family's
life-changing event and the complex layers of her own relationships with her
father, mother, and sister. Not until she finally has a child of her own does
she come to grips with what she silently has known all along: Anything can
happen. Planes fall from the sky.

Praise for Replacement Child
"A very powerful memoir. . . I definitely recommend picking this one up."
Raging Bibliomania

"This is a wonderful read. . . I did not want to put
this book down. It really takes you on a journey of
one person's struggle to examine who they are and
where they come from. I highly recommend this
book." The Social Frog

"Judy Mandel uses the fire from which she was
born to forge a brave quest toward truth and
understanding." Women's Memoirs

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Schlesinger Books (September 1, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0982514603
• ISBN-13: 978-0982514603
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #558,207 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Judy Mandel's writing life began as a reporter. She later worked in public relations and advertising and somehow found herself in corporate communications at various insurance companies, where she earned a living for 20 years. Her memoir, Replacement Child, grew out of early essays and the promise she made to her family to tell the story.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The Stories Sitting Next To Us October 10, 2009

By Edward A. Faruolo

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

The other reviewers have elegantly stated why this is such an incredible book. I would like to add another perspective. I had the pleasure of working with Judy at one of those insurance companies she mentions. Although she provided excellent copywriting and creative services for our department I never realized the real life story within her that was about to burst on the scene and provide such insight and introspection for us all. The lesson for all is to look around you and realize there are many untold stories and lessons yet to be harvested from the experiences, sufferings, and joys of others. It could be the person sitting next to you, the one down the hall, or the one that takes your favorite parking spot. Then look within yourself for your own story.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This Memoir Is a Page Turner February 18, 2010

By Kendra Bonnett

Format:Paperback

A couple of months ago, "Replacement Child" found it's way onto our radar screen at [...]. We decided Judy Mandel's topic was interesting enough to warrant a guest blog and Author Conversation on our site. We weren't prepared for the power of Judy's story or her skillful story development. She weaves the events leading up to the tragic plane crash that killed the older sister she never met (and the reason for her own being) throughout her own story. She builds emotion and tension as the story builds to the moment of the crash. It's a powerful organizational technique. I admit that by the time I got to the part about Donna's death, I couldn't help but cry. Judy is a master at building tension and drama. She speaks to the writer in me with her effective story structure, while the reader in me is equally well served.

While the crash story hooks the reader, Judy doesn't disappoint on other levels. She takes us along as she digs into her past--trying to understand events and motivations that were hidden from her for years. As is often the case with memoirs, through understanding comes healing. "Replacement Child" is no exception as Judy comes to understand her place in a family that had been deeply touched by tragedy. You can read Judy's guest blog on Women's Memoirs by following this link: [...] . We'll be interviewing Judy this week and posting the recording on our site where you'll be able to listen to her thoughts about the writing of "Replacement Child."

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Replacement Child November 30, 2009

By zibilee VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

Judy Mandel is a replacement child: a child born to take both the emotional and physical place of her sister Donna, who was killed in a freak plane accident when she was just seven years old. Judy's older sister Linda was also seriously injured in the accident and spends her life bouncing from one reconstructive surgery to the next. Although Judy longs to be loved and accepted by her parents, it seems as though she lives as a shadow beside the memory of Donna and the perpetual care that is the hallmark of Linda's life. Though the plane accident that robbed the family of so much is broadly hinted at, it is not until Judy begins to research her own memoir that she discovers the horrible secrets about the day that changed her family's lives. As Judy tells the story of her life, she intersperses chapters from the past and chapters that relate the minute by minute countdown to the moment when the fateful accident occurred. Judy paints individual portraits of each of her family, from her stern and distant father to her overwhelmed mother and brave sister; each member touched differently by their torturous trial. Her journey centers around trying to understand her role and place among those marked by tragedy and trying to find her own small voice above the din. Both disturbing and sensitive, Replacement Child exists as part tell all family chronicle, part examination of the the attempts to reconstruct a family out of the ashes.

I was really moved by this story and thought that it was written very respectfully and with great conscience. It was not until the later sections of the book that Judy discovers that the term for people like her is "replacement child" but it was easy to see that once she found the definition, her story seemed to fit perfectly within the boundaries of the definition. It wasn't that her parents were cold or calculating people who disrespected Judy's individuality or singularity; instead it seemed that they were just unconsciously trying to fill a hole that existed within their family.

I found it very sad that Judy's father decided to never call attention to his daughter's beauty because it might diminish something in his other surviving child who had been so disfigured by the accident, or that he never really showed any outward affection toward her either. I also found it very sad that the family never seemed to notice Judy or the trials that she experienced in her life, instead focusing so much energy on Linda and the memory of Donna.

For the most part, I would have to say that Judy was extremely well-adjusted and, remarkably, not bitter about the experiences of her life. Instead of becoming isolated and angry, she seemed to realize what her role in the family was and responded by becoming more loving to her sister and more understanding to her parents. I can imagine that it probably hurt her very deeply to be thought of as second best, a replacement or substitution for the sister that she never knew. In reading the book, it seems clear that her situation mostly manifested itself in some very severe self-image and self-esteem problems, problems that her parents never addressed or spoke to her about.

I also got a very clear picture of what a family living through constant grief must go through in their day to day life. It seemed as though the girls' parents spent a lot of time rehashing the accident while still trying to keep the actual facts of that dreadful day under wraps. As Judy examines the family both through the past and the present, she comes to some startling realizations about her family's financial situation, her parent's marriage and the realities of Linda's future that shape the way that she deals with them and reinforces some of the ideas that she has held for years.

There were bits in this story that were humorous and comic, but overall the book cast a somber and reflective tone throughout Judy's analysis of her family's particular dysfunction. The book also examines the many unsuccessful relationships that Judy found herself in after moving from her parents' home. As she explains her reasoning behind her choices in mates, it was vary easy for me to see the influences in her past that had led her to make the types of decisions that she did, and I was genuinely happy for her when she broke out of the pattern of choosing distant and emotionally cold men.

I thought this was a very powerful memoir and very different from any that I have read before. The book was very balanced and didn't attempt to portray either camp in a damaging or negative light; instead the author chose to spotlight the situation and respondents in a clear and unambiguous way that gave me a great deal of respect for her. If you are a reader of memoirs, I would definitely recommend picking this one up. It is the unusual story of a life of compromise, told with affection, grace, and respect. A very moving and incredibly solid read.