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Replacing Barnie (Candy Bar Book 1) [Kindle Edition]

Patrice Wilton
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $2.99

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Burning Down George Orwell's House
Burning Down George Orwell's House
Pulitzer Prize and PEN/Faulkner Award finalist Robert Stone describes Burning Down George Orwell's House as a "… most enjoyable, a witty, original turn … one part black comedy and one part a meditation on modern life. It is well-written and truly original." Learn more about the author, Andrew Ervin

Book Description

Lydia O'Reilley, divorce attorney, is on the fast tract to make partner until she meets a hot stranger in a bar, and one thing leads to another. The following morning she's doing a joint deposition, and in walks Jed, the man she'd spent the night with, her new client's soon-to-be-ex husband! As if that's not bad enough, she learns later that the condom broke and she's pregnant. Her perfect plans are seriously derailed, and it may take a little magic to make everything right.

' I'd been sleeping with Barnie for more than a year, off and on. He wasn't much for talking, but so what? He was reliable, faithful, and good in bed. I knew exactly where he was most of the time; he didn't look at my girlfriends, didn't have a mother, never argued, didn't expect me to cook and clean, and performed at my command. What more could a girl ask?
More importantly, I was sure he'd never hurt me, and perhaps that's why I chose to spend my nights with him. But I learned the hard way: nothing is ever perfect. The damn thing malfunctioned, went into overdrive, and I could barely sit down for a week. Cheap Asian product--I bought it through eBay too.
There you have it. It was fun while it lasted, but as in any good relationship that sadly ends it takes awhile to move on. I'm proud to say that I have done so. Yes, I replaced my old toy Barnie, and now I have something warm and wonderful beside me in bed. This required a great deal of courage and lack of negativity on my part. I had to learn to trust, and to open my heart and not to be afraid. And it's still a whole lot scary.
Author note--

Also for ***$0.99***! Look for TEN BRIDES FOR TEN HEROES, a 10-book bundle written by NYT, USA Today, and National Bestselling Authors. ***$0.99*** -Available now everywhere.

(beach books, perfect beach reads, romantic comedy, chick lit, Candy Bar series

Product Details

  • File Size: 817 KB
  • Print Length: 267 pages
  • Publisher: Dreamscape Press; 1 edition (July 24, 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005EIC308
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #251,861 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
36 of 39 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars What a Wacko! September 22, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
The primary female character in this story is a complete wacko. She's so unlikeable that I found myself pulling against her. The basic story line has her getting pregnant after a one-night stand, and grappling with what to do about it. She spends a lot of time acknowledging that she'll make a horrible mother because of her self-centered life style, and the fact that she doesn't even like kids. In fact, it's pretty clear that she doesn't like kids and they don't especially like her, given how her nephews react to her and vice-versa. Even the neighborhood punks spray paint her in the face (yes - they're punks, but still...). Then, in response to all of her whinging, her brother and sister-in-law, who have suffered 2 miscarriages and really want children, offer to adopt the baby. She freaks out, accuses them of baby stealing, and storms out of the house in an amazing demonstration of totally wacked-out absolutely unjustified over-reaction.

She refuses to tell the father of the baby that she's pregnant because she decides she wants to keep the baby all to herself, something she reaffirms on a regular basis, even though it's quite clear that he would be a marvelous father. No - no reason other than she just doesn't want to share. Mine! Mine! Mine! She repeatedly and deliberately lies to him about it, and in general treats him quite poorly. She justifies her nasty behavior because she's had two relationships in her life that didn't work out. The woman is 40 years old, never been married, and thinks that two unsuccessful relationships are an anomaly? Get real!

Meanwhile, she's having problems at work with a very competitive colleague. In this case there's no doubt that the colleague is a piece of work herself.
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16 of 18 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Exasperating August 12, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I liked Jed. He was basically an honest man although Lydia decided he wasn't without giving him a chance to explain anything. After all, he didn't have to tell her the condom broke. She didn't know.

After she found out she was pregnant, the most irritating thing of all was page after page of her denying it to Jed, keeping the information from him, and taking about how the baby was hers only. That level of selfishness and immaturity in a woman of her age wasn't humorous in the least.

Then we go on to Lydia and her friends behaving like they were PI's following people, impersonating federal authorities, and taking photos through open windows. Ridiculous.

Jed wasn't even around for a good portion of the book after she found out she was pregnant. Lydia's redeeming qualities were that she was good to her friends and she genuinely seemed to care about Jed's kids. Her redeeming qualities were not enough for me to overcome her behavior surrounding her pregnancy.

I don't even understand why it was necessary to include that whole silliness about the Candy Bar and its magical essence or whatever. If that special feature of the bar was included at the beginning of the book, it didn't stand out enough for me to acknowledge or remember it.

I honestly don't know why Jed would want to waste his time with her. But then again, his character wasn't the type of person to walk away from a child of his. Hence, the statement form Jed to Lydia, "You are not qualified to be a mother".

The storyline ending left you wondering if Jed and Lydia were going to just date, live together, marry, or be together because of sex and their baby. After going through all the rest of the book, I wished the writer would have definitively stated it.

I see there is a trilogy including the next two books in the Candy Bar series. Don't think I want to waste my time.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! August 3, 2011
By fbass
Format:Kindle Edition
This author blends the perfect amount of romance, wit, and humor into a page turner of a book! This book is laugh out loud funny, yet with a romantic plot. I shared this book with all of my girlfriends!! If you want a fun, easy read with plenty of laughs....this book is for you!!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Romantic and Hilarious October 25, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
REPLACING BARNIE is a hilarious comedy. P. Wilton has written a romantic yet funny story, in a fast-paced, first person point of view. Thorough, honest, and dedicated to her clients, Lydia is an attorney determined to succeed in her career. Until fate plays dirty tricks on her and puts the gorgeous Jed in her way. This novel will lift your mood and help you relax.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars hysterical! October 14, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Ms. Wilton has created another touching, yet enternaining novel about love. Her quick wit keeps the pace moving! I love this book!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyed this one August 9, 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
As a straight male, I couldn't resist reading this one. I enjoyed the "insight" into the male bashing by several women, yet found it interesting that none of the women had any decent relationship based on their attitude. I know that guys can be jerks, but so can women. I certainly never gave up hope on finding a good woman based on a few "bad apples" and I'm happy to say I've been married to my loving and lovely wife for over 46 years now, so it was with a sense of "finally" when the divorce lawyer finally figured it out for herself. BOBs might fill in for a short while, but there is nothing better than having a nice warm body (olpposite sex) that loves you back
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
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Lydia ends up doing something she never does and has a one night stand with Jed. She is really happy with how the night went until she finds his wedding ring. Even worse is that she is his soon to be ex-wife's lawyer. She teases up to the boss and another lawyer is assigned the case. Soon the first start of the book feels like a vacation as she deals with an unexpected pregnancy and a false sexual harassment suit filed against her. The method she takes might be a little extreme to clear her name but is perfectly understandable. This is a romantic comedy that also deals with some serious issues as well. I really found myself enjoying the book a lot.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars ReplAcing barnie
Ok. Did not like the heroine's occupation of divorce lawyer nor the law firm partners. Did not like the farfetched situations the heroine found herself in. She overreacted to. Read more
Published 14 days ago by Sonia LeCoq
4.0 out of 5 stars a refreshing read.
A wonderful light and refreshing read. Likeable characters and a story line that holds your attention. Really enjoyed this book.
Published 4 months ago by Alison
4.0 out of 5 stars Good read
Nice twist on an old story line that still works well. I will be looking for more of this authors works.
Published 5 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars cool...
Published 9 months ago by ampen - techmatte
5.0 out of 5 stars Good read
Amusing. Enjoyed the book.
Published 9 months ago by Anne McCarthy
5.0 out of 5 stars Good Humor
A light hearted romance story about a forty year old professional woman who runs through a wide range of emotions as she seeks love after being deeply hurt. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Claudette Cleveland
4.0 out of 5 stars This was fun to read and easy to follow
This was fun to read and easy to follow. The authors sense of humor eminated throughout the book. I am glad she replaced Barney, he seemed like such a slackers.
Published 9 months ago by Nancy Delena Kuhn
3.0 out of 5 stars Three Stars
Very interesting. I could've kept reading.
Published 9 months ago by Ruth Prostka
5.0 out of 5 stars very good
very good read
Published 9 months ago by Elaine
5.0 out of 5 stars Replacing Barnie
This title is so funny once you read this book. I loved . Crazy but romantic, especially with the chemistry between Jed and our little lawyer.
Published 9 months ago by Kindle Customer
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More About the Author

Patrice Wilton was born in Vancouver, Canada, and knew from the age of twelve that she wanted to be a writer. She became a flight attendent for 17 years, then moved to Australia, and England, before settling in West Palm Beach, Florida. She is a USA Today best selling author of more than twenty books, including her successful romantic comedy, "Candy Bar series", and Serendipity Falls series, and returning war heroes, published by Amazon Montlake.
When she's not writing, you might find her on the tennis court, or hitting golf balls with her PGA pro husband.

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