From Publishers Weekly
According to psychologist Ferguson, we're all reptiles in love: conflicts between people, especially in intimate relationships, are often triggered by our "reptilian" brains, the part that brings on a fight-or-flight stance rather than rational or mutually beneficial behaviors—when threatened, we lash out. Too many relationship guidebooks rush the couple to resume a feeling of intimacy, says Ferguson, when in fact, fear and anger must be reduced and trust re-established first. Addressing what he calls "stupid fighting" (over nonsense: "You're cheap," "It's your mother's fault"), Ferguson takes a close look at the dynamics of intimacy and how it is that people who have the greatest passion for each other also seem to dole out the most venom when threatened. This book offers understanding of the mechanics of human relationships and sensible guidelines for lessening tension and resolving conflict. Ferguson injects humor to illustrate key points and highlight the often absurd behaviors people display when threatened. While the old adage states that you always hurt the one you love, this book shows that this isn't necessary and together couples can find common ground to re-establish mutual love and respect.
(Mar.) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
According to psychologist Ferguson, we're all reptiles in love: conflicts between people, especially in intimate relationships, are often triggered by our "reptilian" brains, the part that brings on a fight-or-flight stance rather than rational or mutually beneficial behaviors—when threatened, we lash out. Too many relationship guidebooks rush the couple to resume a feeling of intimacy, says Ferguson, when in fact, fear and anger must be reduced and trust re-established first. Addressing what he calls "stupid fighting" (over nonsense: "You're cheap," "It's your mother's fault"), Ferguson takes a close look at the dynamics of intimacy and how it is that people who have the greatest passion for each other also seem to dole out the most venom when threatened. This book offers understanding of the mechanics of human relationships and sensible guidelines for lessening tension and resolving conflict. Ferguson injects humor to illustrate key points and highlight the often absurd behaviors people display when threatened. While the old adage states that you always hurt the one you love, this book shows that this isn't necessary and together couples can find common ground to re-establish mutual love and respect.
(Mar.) (
Publishers Weekly, January 16, 2006)
No matter how sophisticated people think they are, even the most loving couples revert to their primitive, or "reptilian," nature of fight-or-flight, according to Ferguson (staff psychologist, Dean Medical Ctr., Madison, WI). Taking both a biological and a psychological approach, he explains how partners can manage challenges to intimacy more effectively if they understand their basic physical reactions to each other. He develops this idea further by discussing how maladaptive responses to perceived threats (feeling the need to defend oneself) lead to unprovoked attacks. In a clear-cut, helpful, and humorous manner, Ferguson discusses how to end these cycles and create healthier relationships, going so far as to include helpful suggestions for making divorce as humane as possible. Highly recommended for all libraries. Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information. (Library Journal)
