Respectful Kids: The Complete Guide to Bringing Out the Best in Your Child [Paperback]

Todd Cartmell (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 15, 2006

Dr. Todd Cartmell's biblically based techniques equip parents to help children break disrespectful habits and instead nurture respectful behaviors.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Headline: How will you teach your kids to be respectful rather than rude? If you're a parent, you--like millions of other parents--may be frustrated by the daily battles in your home and concerned about society's slide into rudeness. Simply put, you want to learn how to teach your child to handle everyday situations in a respectful way. In Raising Respectful Kids, family coach and child psychologist Dr. Todd Cartmell offers you a proven three-part strategy that can transform family relationships through the power of respect. His biblically based techniques will equip you to help your children break their disrespectful habits and instead nurture respectful behaviors. Not only will these techniques strengthen your family, they'll prepare your children for godly maturity and successful relationships in adulthood. You'll learn specific, simple, and practical approaches for creating behavior change, teaching your kids the right lesson in the right way. Your children will learn crucial skills such as fast listening, flexible thoughts, and on-the-spot problem solving. And you'll discover how to make respectful behavior fun. Let Dr. Cartmell show you how to give your children the tools they need to succeed, God's way.

About the Author

Todd Cartmell, Psy.D., is a child psychologist with a practice in Wheaton, Illinois. The author of The Parent Survival Guide and Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry, he is married with two children. Visit his website, www.drtodd.net for parenting tips, workshop information, and more.

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: NavPress (September 15, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576839842
• ISBN-13: 978-1576839843
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #614,731 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Todd Cartmell is a popular speaker and child psychologist who received his doctorate in clinical psychology from Fuller Theological Seminary. His books include Project Dad (Spring 2011); Respectful Kids; Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry; and The Parent Survival Guide. Dr. Cartmell conducts entertaining parenting workshops around the country and maintains a clinical practice in Wheaton, Illinois. You can link to his website, designed specifically for parents with Q&A, a parenting blog, and workshop information, at www.drtodd.net.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Cartmell's position -- children must be trained to be respectful, February 28, 2007

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Christian Book Previews "Christian Book Previews" - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Respectful Kids: The Complete Guide to Bringing Out the Best in Your Child (Paperback)

Respect! Such an old-fashioned word. How can we raise respectful kids in a society that sports figures of little boys urinating on a symbol of something the owners dislike? Where slams replace humor on comedies? Where popular athletes make obscene gestures at their fans?

Dr. Todd Cartmell offers some positive ideas in Respectful Kids. A child psychologist, he offers several tools, such as fast listening, flexible thinking, and problem solving. He suggests carrots in the form of tying fun to respectful behavior, heavy doses of praise, and behavioral contracts. For sticks he promotes time outs, logical consequences, positive practice, and consistency.

Cartmell's basic position is that children must be trained to be respectful. It's hard to argue with that, but his noncommittal position on spanking is weak. He stretches some Scripture, such as Proverbs 23:13-14 ("Withhold not corrections from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell") to say that "it's important to note that not once does the Bible command us to spank our children" (p. 187). He starts another passage on discipline after a verse that says God "chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." (Hebrews 12:6) He goes on to stress the dangers inherent in spanking and that spanking without training is not a solution, and I wholly agree with both. He also states that he and his wife used spankings for certain transgressions when their children were younger.

However, the book is not primarily about spanking, but about other strategies for teaching respect and self-control. Drawing on his experiences as a psychologist and a parent, he explains his techniques with anecdotes. Each chapter ends with a summary and a study section to help the parent utilize the method discussed. These end sections include related Scripture.

Cartmell writes well. The book is upbeat and interesting. Though he does not discuss limiting the examples of disrespect the child sees, such as certain TV shows or playing with some children, his techniques deserve consideration. His emphasis on training is very important in a society which practically advocates letting children raise themselves or letting institutions do it for you. - Debbie W. Wilson, Christian Book Previews.com

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A guidebook for altering children's behavior, June 5, 2007

By 

FaithfulReader.com (New York, New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Respectful Kids: The Complete Guide to Bringing Out the Best in Your Child (Paperback)

Family coach and child psychologist Dr. Todd Cartmell, author of THE PARENT SURVIVAL GUIDE and KEEP THE SIBLINGS, LOSE THE RIVALRY, now offers a guide on raising respectful kids. With great parental involvement, some focused pre-planning, and lots and lots of role-playing practice, Cartmell demonstrates simple ways for moms and dads to lead their families in a healthier (happier) direction.

Cartmell opens with a discussion of the meaning of R-E-S-P-E-C-T, which the author says reveals itself in common everyday home life scenarios. Kids show respect when they respond quickly and politely to parents' instructions; speak in both a thoughtful and self-controlled manner when replying and asking questions; express feelings without denigrating others; and learn to adapt to life's ever-changing situations by being graciously flexible.

Cartmell offers numerous case scenarios from his professional experience where readers can study verbal interchanges among the author, parents and children. This is especially helpful, as weary parents don't always have the mental energy to "see" how a particular plan of discipline or instruction might play out in real life. From the outset, Cartmell makes it clear that he sees biblical parenting as much wider in scope than merely disciplining children to obey. Rather, he cites Proverbs 22:6, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it," noting that Solomon emphasized the "training" aspect of parenting, not simply disciplining.

This text is laid out in a three-part format outlining key strategies for growing respectful kids. Strategy One: teach respectful behavior by expecting children to "listen and respond appropriately the first time; be flexible and respectful even in the face of disappointment; and find a solution instead of just arguing about the problem." These responses, writes Cartmell, require consistency and practice, practice, practice on the part of both the children and the parents.

Strategy Two: turn on respectful behavior by helping kids see the connection between their respectful behavioral choices and the resulting positive consequences. Some of the specifics for reinforcing such positive responses include parents deliberately looking for the "gold" in their children, recognizing that even troubled kids make some good decisions each day and then commending them on this. Cartmell also suggests using the pour-it-on technique where moms and dads really seek to be consistently offering positive feedback and encouragement daily...even hourly, so that after a while, children are wowed and impacted by the "good stuff" they're getting from their folks. The author says that behavioral contracts are also effective tools for changing poor behavior and reinforcing good responses and choices.

Finally, Strategy Three: turn off disrespectful behavior by instilling the certainty that it always results in "bad, fast, and every time." In other words, when a kid decides to disobey then the consequences will be "bad" for him: lost privileges, etc. There are immediate outcomes issued by the parent "fast" and consistently, and "every time" the child can expect to suffer for his poor choices.

Truly, this is a guidebook for altering children's behavior, and Cartmell provides countless examples, or tricks of the trade, to get kids to comply.

--- Reviewed by Michele Howe

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Parenting Guide I've Been Waiting For..., November 3, 2006

By 

K. Petit (US) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Respectful Kids: The Complete Guide to Bringing Out the Best in Your Child (Paperback)

If kids DID come with an instruction manual, this is the one I believe they'd come with! With subtle wit and straight-forward talk, the author clearly explains the "whys" and "hows" of training and nurturing your child in the way a master gardener brings out the best in his garden. Then he goes on to include sample scenarios with role-playing dialogues that SHOW how it's done - I LOVE that! Full of practical ideas, this is a resource that will leave you saying, "Of course!" My kids are now learning such skills as Fast Listening, Flexible Thinking, and Problem Solving...amazing tools! And my husband and I feel equipped to "turn on" respectful behavior (and turn off the disrespectful behavior too) with the techniques we learned in strategies two and three of Respectful Kids. In our large family we have such diverse personalities, yet this guide brings it all down to a step-by-step process that works for all of them. Our kids are really "getting it" - that respectful behavior really does work out better than disrespectful behavior; the whole family wins.