Customer Reviews

Respectful Kids: The Complete Guide to Bringing Out the Best in Your Child

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Respect! Such an old-fashioned word. How can we raise respectful kids in a society that sports figures of little boys urinating on a symbol of something the owners dislike? Where slams replace humor on comedies? Where popular athletes make obscene gestures at their fans?

Dr. Todd Cartmell offers some positive ideas in Respectful Kids. A child psychologist, he offers several tools, such as fast listening, flexible thinking, and problem solving. He suggests carrots in the form of tying fun to respectful behavior, heavy doses of praise, and behavioral contracts. For sticks he promotes time outs, logical consequences, positive practice, and consistency.

Cartmell's basic position is that children must be trained to be respectful. It's hard to argue with that, but his noncommittal position on spanking is weak. He stretches some Scripture, such as Proverbs 23:13-14 ("Withhold not corrections from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell") to say that "it's important to note that not once does the Bible command us to spank our children" (p. 187). He starts another passage on discipline after a verse that says God "chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." (Hebrews 12:6) He goes on to stress the dangers inherent in spanking and that spanking without training is not a solution, and I wholly agree with both. He also states that he and his wife used spankings for certain transgressions when their children were younger.

However, the book is not primarily about spanking, but about other strategies for teaching respect and self-control. Drawing on his experiences as a psychologist and a parent, he explains his techniques with anecdotes. Each chapter ends with a summary and a study section to help the parent utilize the method discussed. These end sections include related Scripture.

Cartmell writes well. The book is upbeat and interesting. Though he does not discuss limiting the examples of disrespect the child sees, such as certain TV shows or playing with some children, his techniques deserve consideration. His emphasis on training is very important in a society which practically advocates letting children raise themselves or letting institutions do it for you. - Debbie W. Wilson, Christian Book Previews.com

Family coach and child psychologist Dr. Todd Cartmell, author of THE PARENT SURVIVAL GUIDE and KEEP THE SIBLINGS, LOSE THE RIVALRY, now offers a guide on raising respectful kids. With great parental involvement, some focused pre-planning, and lots and lots of role-playing practice, Cartmell demonstrates simple ways for moms and dads to lead their families in a healthier (happier) direction.

Cartmell opens with a discussion of the meaning of R-E-S-P-E-C-T, which the author says reveals itself in common everyday home life scenarios. Kids show respect when they respond quickly and politely to parents' instructions; speak in both a thoughtful and self-controlled manner when replying and asking questions; express feelings without denigrating others; and learn to adapt to life's ever-changing situations by being graciously flexible.

Cartmell offers numerous case scenarios from his professional experience where readers can study verbal interchanges among the author, parents and children. This is especially helpful, as weary parents don't always have the mental energy to "see" how a particular plan of discipline or instruction might play out in real life. From the outset, Cartmell makes it clear that he sees biblical parenting as much wider in scope than merely disciplining children to obey. Rather, he cites Proverbs 22:6, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it," noting that Solomon emphasized the "training" aspect of parenting, not simply disciplining.

This text is laid out in a three-part format outlining key strategies for growing respectful kids. Strategy One: teach respectful behavior by expecting children to "listen and respond appropriately the first time; be flexible and respectful even in the face of disappointment; and find a solution instead of just arguing about the problem." These responses, writes Cartmell, require consistency and practice, practice, practice on the part of both the children and the parents.

Strategy Two: turn on respectful behavior by helping kids see the connection between their respectful behavioral choices and the resulting positive consequences. Some of the specifics for reinforcing such positive responses include parents deliberately looking for the "gold" in their children, recognizing that even troubled kids make some good decisions each day and then commending them on this. Cartmell also suggests using the pour-it-on technique where moms and dads really seek to be consistently offering positive feedback and encouragement daily...even hourly, so that after a while, children are wowed and impacted by the "good stuff" they're getting from their folks. The author says that behavioral contracts are also effective tools for changing poor behavior and reinforcing good responses and choices.

Finally, Strategy Three: turn off disrespectful behavior by instilling the certainty that it always results in "bad, fast, and every time." In other words, when a kid decides to disobey then the consequences will be "bad" for him: lost privileges, etc. There are immediate outcomes issued by the parent "fast" and consistently, and "every time" the child can expect to suffer for his poor choices.

Truly, this is a guidebook for altering children's behavior, and Cartmell provides countless examples, or tricks of the trade, to get kids to comply.

--- Reviewed by Michele Howe

If kids DID come with an instruction manual, this is the one I believe they'd come with! With subtle wit and straight-forward talk, the author clearly explains the "whys" and "hows" of training and nurturing your child in the way a master gardener brings out the best in his garden. Then he goes on to include sample scenarios with role-playing dialogues that SHOW how it's done - I LOVE that! Full of practical ideas, this is a resource that will leave you saying, "Of course!" My kids are now learning such skills as Fast Listening, Flexible Thinking, and Problem Solving...amazing tools! And my husband and I feel equipped to "turn on" respectful behavior (and turn off the disrespectful behavior too) with the techniques we learned in strategies two and three of Respectful Kids. In our large family we have such diverse personalities, yet this guide brings it all down to a step-by-step process that works for all of them. Our kids are really "getting it" - that respectful behavior really does work out better than disrespectful behavior; the whole family wins.

This book was extremely helpful to me as a parent of three children ages 4, 6, and 8. I was already doing most of the positive parenting concepts he recommended, but when I added in the last little concept I had been neglecting - SHAZAM, I watched with surprise and a big smile on my face as all three of my kids skyrocketed in their respect. This is a very practical book with easy to implement strategies. I have also heard great things about his other book Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry.

This book is so easy to read and understand. I am a mother of 5 children ranging from 14-4 years. I work full time so does my husband. I have had the opportunity to attend a conference where Dr. Todd did a session. His son attended the session as an assistant and he was so helpful and respectful to his father. I want others to see this love, respect and honor in my children, and this is the way. This book has hundreds of bible references. It allows you to not only look at your children but, you as a parent. I will pass this book on when I am finished.

This is sound and practical advice for any parent. My husband was a skeptic, but when we began employing the advice, our son's behavior did improve! Granted, we've not had any serious discipline issues (nowhere near like the ones referenced in the book)~just minor things of not showing the proper respect in a given situation. Still, as we continue to employ these practices, I'm hopeful that we WON'T have to deal with anything more serious!

This book offers practical methods that you can apply quickly and see near instant results with your kid. My 7 year old has been a challenge for some time now...ignoring instructions, throwing subtle tantrums; there often seems to be negative energy between us. Now he is learning 'fast listening' and I am learning how to 'pour on the praise'. Next we're going to tackle problem solving. This is a must read for any parent.

Dr. Cartmell's new book, Respectful Kids: The Complete Guide to Bringing Out the Best in Your Child is wonderful! Parents need positive ways to raise kids in a world with so many different influences. This book puts parents in the drivers seat for raising respectful kids. I enjoyed the layout of information making is a useful and reviewable tool. Each concept is clearly explained with examples for reinforcement. My husband and I both enjoyed reading and going over the concepts with our kids. We were able to put the concepts into practice right away, especially "fast listening". Every parent can take something from this book to better the communication, relationship and improve the overall climate in the family. Thank you Dr. Cartmell for helping us add a loving, Christian approach to raising our kids.

This book is a practical guide to help solve everyday parenting problems. The "mood" of the book is lighthearted and positive. As the title suggests, the book offers simple techniques to instill respect in children (toward parents, siblings, and others). However, it does more than that. It outlines methods to reinforce positive behavior, discourage bad behavior, and to help kids understand their role in the family. Biblical passages referenced throughout the book bolster his methods.

Dr. Cartmell included quite a few anecdotes from his clinical practice and his own family.

I have three sons ages 7, 9 and almost 12. My 12 year old is entering preadolescence and the disrepect shot up sky high. I thought, could it be hormones? I was really concerned but I asked God for help. He gave me a "Focus on the Family tweens CD" that mentioned this book and its author. I was intrigued by the fast listening and slow listening but what really opened my eyes was the FLEXIBLE THOUGHTS!! I have taught my sons the flexible thoughts and its working! They were so relieved to hear of a solution to their disrespect. They just didn't know any other way. As parents we thought of giving consequences and talking through their behaviors but we needed to train our children in the way they should go regarding respect. My husband and I are using the "pour it on" technique and focusing on the "golden nuggets" of our children. I am forever grateful for this book. I am even noticing my own non-flexible thoughts and quickly changing my mind to flexible ones. Mr. Cartmell explains first the teachings of Respect and then towards the end, the consequences after you have taught them respect skills and the fork in the road technique. This books is a gem!