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Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Cooperation Paperback – October 28, 2006


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 208 pages
  • Publisher: Puddledancer Press (October 28, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1892005220
  • ISBN-13: 978-1892005229
  • Product Dimensions: 7.5 x 0.5 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #104,109 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Sura Hart has provided training to peacemaking teachers in the Peace Army–Costa Rica; is the former education project director for the Center for Nonviolent Communication; and a former elementary, junior-high, and high-school teacher. She is the coauthor of The Compassionate Classroom. She lives in Santa Barbara, California. Victoria Kindle Hodson is a psychologist and the coauthor of The Compassionate Classroom and Discover Your Child's Learning Style. She lives in Ventura, California.

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Customer Reviews

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Every parent and teacher should read this book.
Jessamyn Middaugh
Of all my reading, Respectful Parents Respectful Kids is by far the most comprehensive book on the subject.
Patrick F. Siebert
The book is based on non violent communication and emphasizes compassion.
Jennifer Kline

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

181 of 196 people found the following review helpful By Debbie K on October 15, 2007
Format: Paperback
I have followed the principles in this book as well as other NVC books and love the quality of connection I have with my kids (ages 5 and 2). However, now that my older son is in Kindergarten, we're dealing with a huge problem. The teacher has 24 kids in the class and does not have time to negotiate and find a win-win solution with each one. My son is getting in trouble almost every day for not following directions (i.e. clean up when everyone is cleaning up, not on his own schedule)and is starting to feel like a bad kid. Now I feel like we have to re-parent in some ways using a more 'love-and-logic' approach. I never wanted to be the kind of parent who says, "Do it because I said so." But I now realize that kids need to learn to follow the rules so that they themselves can be happier in society. We now do a lot of talking about what a 'team player' does. This is a great book but for me, it's missing the piece about teaching your kids to follow the rules, because that's how school, work and much of society work. It's wonderful for a parent and child to respect each other equally but this needs to be balanced with the idea that kid's individual needs (or anyone's for that matter) often cannot be accommodated. The philosophical conundrum for me is when to be the NVC parent and when to be the parent who says, "If you're a member of this family, this is what we do (i.e. sit down all together for dinner)." I guess the perfect parenting approach is eclectic; borrowing a little from each theory.
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94 of 100 people found the following review helpful By dbm on September 6, 2007
Format: Paperback
When I was finished reading this parenting book my initial reaction was to give it five stars. It is so radically different from any other parenting book I've ever read that I was definitely swept away. In all honesty I have hated every single parenting book I've been unfortunate enough to waste time reading. Most of the advice in them seems disturbingly one-sided. The child is inherently all evil, while the parent is the only one who can "teach him a lesson." A huge over simplification but I hope you can understand my meaning.

In Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids a different idea is brought to light, one in which the children are just as human as the parents and therefore *gasp* just as important. Instead of presenting the parent as a god, the parent is simply a human being entrusted with the care and well-being of a much smaller, less-experienced, but no less important, human being. There is no berating, there are no time-outs, and, most importantly, there are no beatings. All I could say as I put it down after my initial reading was, "Where was this book when I was pregnant with DB1?"

The idea seems to be one of prepared and demonstrative parenting as opposed to the reactionary ideals of more conservative pundits. Parents guide their children into correct behavior rather than brow-beat them in that direction. The parents are human and allowed to make mistakes, which of course they should own up to. As opposed to the "must" of consistency-or-else-failure that I have read in pretty much every conservative parenting book.

Unfortunately, most Christians will never get past the first page (there is a quote by Gloria Steinem on it).
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45 of 51 people found the following review helpful By Patrick F. Siebert on October 24, 2006
Format: Paperback
I have read about 3 books a month for the last 30 years. Of all my reading, Respectful Parents Respectful Kids is by far the most comprehensive book on the subject. Each page is filled with things that I have said to my four children while raising them that I wish I had said differently. I, like all parents recognize that we make many mistakes and regret things we have said and done in raising our children. If I would have had this book as a primer for raising my children I could have been much more understanding and loving in the way I raised them. My deepest desire is for every parent, grandparent, teacher, child educator, day care employee to read, take in, and live this book. If five percent of those educating our children would come from the consciousness this book speaks to we would have world peace in the next generation of children.
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful By NVC Mama on October 26, 2006
Format: Paperback
I ate this book up. It spoke to my soul as a parent like no other book has. If you are a spiritual person, like I am and want to improve your relationship with your children -- no matter how old they are -- this book will catapult you into a new parenting dimension. I study Non Violent Communication and have found it helpful in dealing with other adults. This book has made it crystal clear for me that I can teach this style of expressing feelings and empathizing with my children and has given me renewed hope for a higher consciousness connection with the most important people in my life. My children.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Jessica Teel VINE VOICE on October 1, 2007
Format: Paperback
Anyone with kids knows that it isn't always easy to get your kids to "cooperate". But in the novel guidebook Respectful Parents Respectful Kids, the authors probe parents to ask themselves, what do you mean by "cooperation", "respect" and other expectations you have for your children? The handbook provides seven easy to follow keys for turning family conflict into cooperation. Written exercises help parents explore their own communication skills, emotional and physical needs, and problem areas in regards to parenting. As the authors write, this book "addresses the only behavior you can actually change - your own". The book exposes why culturally accepted forms of parenting - lecturing, advising, making demands - don't usually work. Then they provide a solution, based on the fact that at the heart of every conflict is a communication of needs.

The book is organized into three parts. 1) Foundations for Respect and Cooperation; 2) 7 Keys to Cooperation; and 3) Family Activities and Stories from the No Fault Zone. Non violent communication is a foundation of the book, and other Puddle Dancer Press books elaborate on the core ideas presented in this book. Don't pass on this useful handbook, which teaches that respecting all family members' needs equally will lead to a healthy, happy home.
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