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Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship Paperback – August 5, 2003


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial; Reprint edition (August 5, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060931787
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060931780
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.8 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #169,482 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Whether the difficulties arise out of middle-aged boredom, serious illness or emotional troubles, Schnarch (Passionate Marriage), director of the Marriage & Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colo., offers a comprehensive guide for couples with intimacy problems. The book includes easily digested chapters on the basics of sex, how sexual relationships work, the use of drugs and surgery, psychological and emotional issues and orgasm. In a straightforward and comforting tone, Schnarch emphasizes the emotional aspect of sexual problems (even when there is an underlying physiological cause) and guides couples through the often difficult changes they have to make in their relationship in and out of bed. Using examples from among his own clients, he explores the way anxiety and tension in other aspects of a marriage can carry over into sexual relationships and gives advice about how couples can better approach each other. While much of his counsel isn't unique, Schnarch's positive, candid approach is appealing, and his tone is authoritative without being threatening. In fact, Schnarch says, "In the course of my life I've had every sexual dysfunction a man can have... I know about embarrassment, self-rejection, blaming myself or my partner, and withdrawing when I 'failed.' " There are no quick fixes or promises of overnight transformation, but those who want to make substantive changes in their relationship should first reach for this book.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

This self-help guide to sexual dysfunction offers fascinating and complex insights into how relationships maintain themselves and change while also covering the usual fixes like Viagra and hormones. Schnarch (Passionate Marriage), a psychologist and sexual/marital therapist, focuses here on an oft-overlooked issue: that anxieties cannot be avoided and hence the only choice is between productive anxieties (dealing honestly with one's feelings) and useless ones (seeking a partner's approval too much). His approach teaches the effective use of anxiety in relationships and sexual change, plus "holding onto yourself" being honest about yourself and your values, confronting yourself, and doing what you think is right when a relationship is troubled. He describes how sex does and doesn't work, how relationships work, how mechanico-pharmacological helpers work, and how to combine these helpers to address particular dysfunctions, including the effects of illness. Throughout, Schnarch stresses the normality of sexual and relationship problems, noting briefly his own past experiences as a patient. He does not promise instant ecstasies and accepts that some couples may not even find sex important. This realistic and multifaceted approach belongs in all public libraries. Martha Cornog, Philadelphia
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Customer Reviews

Although the book is quite readable, with lots of practical information and suggestions, it is also quite challenging.
Leon F. Seltzer, PhD
This more personal tone, plus use of examples from his own life experience make this book like a personal consultation with Dr. Schnarch.
Mimo
Dr. David Schnarch has pioneered and developed a profound and penetrating approach to sex and intimacy within committed relationships.
John E. Wymore

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

95 of 97 people found the following review helpful By Mimo on January 17, 2007
Format: Paperback
The fifty pages in Part II are the core content of this book. They offer a comforting view of the difficult side of marriage - the long term, committed relationship where sex is dead or dying. I say "comforting" because Schnarch maps out the progression of a relationship in a way where you can see that the fluctuations in the passion and intimacy couples feel for each other are part of the natural growth cycle of a marriage. What sometimes feels like the end of a relationship is actually a trigger for the next growth cycle, for the individual and the couple. Through various examples using couples from his practice and his own marriage, he offers encouragement and practical advice to help couples through this sometimes difficult and frustrating cycle of a marriage.

The tone of Schnarch's writing is more down to earth, like advice from a friend, compared with his other book "Passionate Marriage" which is also excellent but sometimes sounds a little preachy in comparison. This more personal tone, plus use of examples from his own life experience make this book like a personal consultation with Dr. Schnarch.
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57 of 59 people found the following review helpful By Leon F. Seltzer, PhD on February 23, 2003
Format: Hardcover
This is not simply an excellent self-help book about improving your sexual relationship. It is also an extremely wise book about relational intimacy. *Resurrecting Sex*, David Schnarch's third book, attempts to translate for the layperson many of the essential concepts elucidated originally in his groundbreaking *Constructing the Sexual Crucible*(1991).
As probably the most influential writer in the field of sexual/marital therapy today, the author further bridges the gap between sexual problems--as they have traditionally been viewed in terms of individual dysfunction--and such problems as they can much more fruitfully be perceived as reflecting an individual's (or relationship's) level of development and differentiation.
Unlike virtually all other writers in the field, Schnarch's objective is to assist people not simply in having less problematic (or anxiety-ridden) sex, but in creating the kind of physical connection achievable only through learning how to successfully *confront* one's personal anxieties--namely, through better developing the capacity for self-soothing and self-validation.
Although the book is quite readable, with lots of practical information and suggestions, it is also quite challenging. For readers are inevitably encouraged not only to take more responsibility for what may not be working in their relationship (both in and outside the bedroom), but also to go out on a "relational limb" and be with their spouse in a way that requires considerable emotional courage and self-regulation.
As idealistic as, finally, Schnarch's approach is, it is also exceedingly practical. Totally up-to-date, it covers all the most important sex devices and drugs that can, in particular situations, help with arousal and orgasm difficulties.
Read more ›
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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful By John E. Wymore on January 8, 2011
Format: Paperback
Dr. David Schnarch has pioneered and developed a profound and penetrating approach to sex and intimacy within committed relationships. Schnarch uncovers the basic connection between sexual growth, the growth of intimacy, and personal growth within a relationship. Hot sex, increased closeness in your partnerships, and much personal growth--GREAT. My wife and I have been married 45 years, through ups and downs, a good marriage. We've read countless books on marriage, been involved in various "marriage weekends," etc., etc. Without doubt, Schnarch's work has been the most beneficial to our married lives. There should be a warning attached to his work, however: Schnarch's approach brings a couple into fuller honesty and greater exposure. Many couples maintain their status quo and keep the peace by building walls of silence around "sensitive" areas. In short, they keep their marriages safe by more-or-less agreeing to a degree of dishonesty. When those often-comfortable walls of silence come down, intimacy builds; you will know each other better than ever. But THAT is the risk, the scary part. You may not like what you learn.
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on April 20, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is SO different from any other book about sex you will ever read. But different in a GREAT way. This is about how sexual incompatibilies (big or small) are normal, WHY they are normal, and how to resolve them. Every single married couple should read this book, maybe repeatedly.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Jodi Green on July 23, 2011
Format: Paperback
As a 25-year-old, sexually confident female, the last thing I expected to be reading was a self-help book about sex and relationships. But after two years of a serious relationship with a steadily declining sex life, I was miserably considering what I thought were my only two choices: life without my partner, or a life without intimacy. This book not only gave me far more appealing options, but also a great deal of hope and comfort. The author doesn't play around, though - his explanations of behaviour, excuses, and coping mechanisms used by most couples are clear and straightforward. This direct approach, for me, offered so much more than step-by-step solutions to my problems; it allowed insight into my relationship, the lack of which had previously been leaving me frozen in place. With new understanding and the knowledge that I am very much not alone, I now feel that the issues we face as a couple are far from insurmountable, and may in all likelihood bring us the closeness that all couples crave. I could relate to almost every case study in the book, and it opened my mind to an understanding of relationships that I have never had before. I would recommend this book to every couple, of any age, whether they are in crisis or not.
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More About the Author

David Schnarch, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist and director of the Marriage and Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colorado. He is founder of the Sexual Crucible Approach(r) to integrated sexual and marital therapy, and the Passionate Marriage Approach(r) for couples. Dr. Schnarch's textbook Constructing the Sexual Crucible is used as a primary text in graduate training programs across the country. He was the first recipient of the Professional Standards of Excellence Award from the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT} and chair of professional education for eight years. Dr. Schnarch currently serves on the editorial board of AAMFT's Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy. He lives in Evergreen, Co1orado.