Customer Reviews

Resurrecting Sex: Resolving Sexual Problems and Rejuvenating Your Relationship

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This is not simply an excellent self-help book about improving your sexual relationship. It is also an extremely wise book about relational intimacy. *Resurrecting Sex*, David Schnarch's third book, attempts to translate for the layperson many of the essential concepts elucidated originally in his groundbreaking *Constructing the Sexual Crucible*(1991).

As probably the most influential writer in the field of sexual/marital therapy today, the author further bridges the gap between sexual problems--as they have traditionally been viewed in terms of individual dysfunction--and such problems as they can much more fruitfully be perceived as reflecting an individual's (or relationship's) level of development and differentiation.

Unlike virtually all other writers in the field, Schnarch's objective is to assist people not simply in having less problematic (or anxiety-ridden) sex, but in creating the kind of physical connection achievable only through learning how to successfully *confront* one's personal anxieties--namely, through better developing the capacity for self-soothing and self-validation.

Although the book is quite readable, with lots of practical information and suggestions, it is also quite challenging. For readers are inevitably encouraged not only to take more responsibility for what may not be working in their relationship (both in and outside the bedroom), but also to go out on a "relational limb" and be with their spouse in a way that requires considerable emotional courage and self-regulation.

As idealistic as, finally, Schnarch's approach is, it is also exceedingly practical. Totally up-to-date, it covers all the most important sex devices and drugs that can, in particular situations, help with arousal and orgasm difficulties. It also discusses the various techniques that can enable people (both men and women) to overcome their sexual problems (from dyspareunia and vaginismus, to low sexual desire, erectile dysfunction and early ejaculation). But much more important than this, it focuses on how individuals can realize their potential to profoundly change their relationship to their spouse; and by doing so, help the relationship to evolve to a higher, and much more satisfying, level.

This is a book that can transform your sexual relationship from one that is conflicted, indifferent, or just barely positive, to one that is truly innovative, passionate, intimate--and even spiritual. Moreover, if readers earnestly strive to incorporate the author's challenging ideas into their lives, the book has the potential to change them at a profoundly personal level: to alter how they see themselves--not only in the context of their relationship, but from deep within as well.

Ultimately, sexual gratification and fulfillment have to do not just with the sensory stimulation a person receives--or their body's ability to respond optimally to this stimulation. It has to do with achieving an emotional bond with one's partner that itself can contribute to an improved sexual functioning that in the end becomes indistinguishable from the deepest expression of intimacy and love.

Rather than picking one quick-fix solution or technique, this book takes time to explain what is really happening on a physical, emotional, and relational level during sex, and it really helped me to understand how all of those components work together. The author emphasizes that having problems doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or your body; it just means that what you're doing at the moment isn't having the desired effects. I appreciate the holistic approach that considers medical issues but puts the emphasis on personal and relational factors. This book encourages you to take responsibility for yourself and to make changes to improve yourself, which will have the added benefit of strengthening and improving your relationship-- including the sexual component.

First Constructing the Sexual Crucibal, then Passionate Marriage and now, Resurecting Sex. These writings are all rich with a higher knowledge of learning to know ones self, and become a much fuller person and relationship partner. All of these books will change how you see yourself, life and each other and your sexuality. And yes, his ideas really work. Really Really. David's insightful brilliance and humility is a gift to humanity from God...

this book was absolutely awful. i have read several self-help books and this is the first time i've felt so strongly about it that i felt compelled to write a review. this author is totally full of himself. i was very frustrated when reading this book for two reasons. first, it was very vague. he kept telling you what he was going to tell you next, then never really got to the point. second, i felt as though he was talking down to me, which was probably because of his big ego. another thing i found particularly disturbing was his reference to using illegal drugs to improve your sex life.

this book was absolutely awful. i have read several self-help books and this is the first time i've felt so strongly about it that i felt compelled to write a review. this author is totally full of himself. i was very frustrated when reading this book for two reasons. first, it was very vague. he kept telling you what he was going to tell you next, then never really got to the point. second, i felt as though he was talking down to me, which was probably because of his big ego. another thing i found particularly disturbing was his reference to using illegal drugs to improve your sex life.

It's clear from an initial reading that Resurrecting Sex is much like resurrecting the golf game. In fact, there are many similarities to the the anxiety reported by golfers when they suffer from performance anxiety in their swings, or on the green, most of which is caused by the inability to focus on their strokes, the feel of the game, and the concentration required to address the strategics of the game. Since that occurs with both experienced golfers as well as with newer players, male or female, it is a universal phenomenon that can benefit from relaxation and enjoyment rather than the intense overwork that often results in heightened stress and more failure. Much like the right club and the right angle, the right approach in golf or in sex makes a difference. Choke holds on the club don't often work in either golf or sex. Having always been a "gentleman's game," sizing up the green as well as the partner can make the tee-for-two-time as comfortable as the regular tee time. The difference between the right woman and the one who isn't may have more to do with the similar difference between the champion challenge courses and those that are easier, but less challenging courses. It is a matter of taste, after all, in love or in golf.