Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep [Paperback]

Katie Hern (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 21, 1999

After decades of separation, 26-year-old adoptee Katie Hern writes to her birthmother, Ellen McGarry Carlson. Written over a course of one year, this book follows the women's progress - from elation to understanding to accepting - and efforts to create an honest relationship. After several months, mother and daughter finally meet face-to-face in an emotional and exhilarating reunion.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This unusual and occasionally disturbing collection of letters traces the evolving relationship between a birthmother and her daughter after they were reunited. In February 1996, Katie wrote her first letter to Ellen, her birthmother, who had relinquished her for adoption 26 years earlier. Within five days, she received Ellen's eager response. The first six months of contact, according to Ellen, were "like a courtship": the two were so delighted to know one another that their letters overflowed with happiness, consideration and self-disclosure. Ellen had been brought up in an insular Catholic household; after she became pregnant and her boyfriend refused to marry her, her deeply ashamed parents urged her to move into a home for unwed mothers and give up her baby. Despite this straitlaced background, she had no reservations about embracing her daughter's gay identity. At first, Katie insisted that she had never felt abandoned because she had been adopted, and said she was looking forward to visiting with Ellen, her husband and three young children. After several meetings between the women and their families, however, Ellen was unable to connect with Katie's overwhelming feelings of loss, which she had previously denied. A further complication was that Katie's adoptive mother felt resentful and threatened by Ellen and Katie's reunion. Despite such obstacles, however, it appears certain that the two women will continue to be a part of each other's lives. Their letters will fascinate anyone involved in adoption. (Nov.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

This unique and intimate portrait of an adoptee and her birth mother begins when Hern, a Californian teacher, finds her birth mother and begins corresponding with her. Her letters and her mother's replies form the core of the text. Through them, the reader watches two strangers meet and confront each other, most prominently on the subjects of sexuality, betrayal, and abandonment. As the correspondence continues, readers can see the growth of the ties between birth mother and daughterAa process that is both happy and painful for each woman. Unfortunately, the structure of the book doesn't allow for a discussion of Hern's adoptive family and their reaction to the unfolding of her relationship with her mother. Nor does Hern delve deeply enough into the issues that arise in her correspondence. Overall, however, this is an interesting book that raises many important questions. Recommended for public libraries and collections strong on the issue of adoption.AMee-Len Hom, Hunter Coll. Lib., New York
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Seal Press (October 21, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580050301
• ISBN-13: 978-1580050302
• Product Dimensions: 7.3 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,627,010 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Year in Letters, January 28, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep (Paperback)

I mostly read while I'm on the bus, and this book was a challenge in that regard. How does one get through a book that's so heartfelt and agonizingly honest, without making a sobbing jerk of oneself?

"Reunion" is a beautiful, true, 'real-time' story, told in an incredibly accessible style, about loss and redemption, and all the resentments in-between.

I highly recommend this book. As someone touched personally by the subject matter, I find myself hard-pressed to talk publicly about the details of "Reunion." At the same time, I can't deny the impact this book has had upon my life. If you have 'adoption issues' in any regard, please read this book.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Compelling Memoirs, November 24, 1999

By 

Kathy Lewis - See all my reviews

This review is from: Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep (Paperback)

The book Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birth Mother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep is a compelling account of the wide variety of emotions and feelings which surround adoption reunion and an poignant description of the deep bond between a mother and her child. As both women, Katie Hern and Ellen McGarry Carlson tell of their life experiences and the impact that adoption has had in their lives, the reader experiences a glimpse into the realities and world of adoption. Katie Hern, the daughter, who had come out of the closet as a lesbian, comes out of the closet as an adopted child. Her account of the impact of adoption on her life is powerful. She shares her inner-most thoughts and deep feelings about the impact of the loss of her birth mother. She highlights the importance of the need adopted children/adults have to grieve the loss of their original family. She protects no one in her account. She tells all!

Ellen McGarry Carlson tells the story of an oppressive adoption system that existed in 1969. She explains that her families and societies primary goal was to separate mother and child and have her surrender her first born to adoption. Shame and guilt permeate her core. A sense of wholeness is felt by the reader as she describes her feelings as her lost daughter reunites with her. This book is highly recommended for those trying to make sense of the issues surrounding adoption and reunion.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars More than letters, November 14, 2000

By 

Eileen Finn (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep (Paperback)

As an adoptee whose circumstances are remarkably similiar to Katie's, I was blown away by this book. I am currently searching for my birth mother, so this account was fascinating. A lot of the emotions and fears are ones that I have experienced. This book is more than a collection of letters. It is a fascinating look inside the process that many still-searching adoptees should take the time to read. I will probably read it again as my own search continues.