Customer Reviews

Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I mostly read while I'm on the bus, and this book was a challenge in that regard. How does one get through a book that's so heartfelt and agonizingly honest, without making a sobbing jerk of oneself?

"Reunion" is a beautiful, true, 'real-time' story, told in an incredibly accessible style, about loss and redemption, and all the resentments in-between.

I highly recommend this book. As someone touched personally by the subject matter, I find myself hard-pressed to talk publicly about the details of "Reunion." At the same time, I can't deny the impact this book has had upon my life. If you have 'adoption issues' in any regard, please read this book.

The book Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birth Mother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep is a compelling account of the wide variety of emotions and feelings which surround adoption reunion and an poignant description of the deep bond between a mother and her child. As both women, Katie Hern and Ellen McGarry Carlson tell of their life experiences and the impact that adoption has had in their lives, the reader experiences a glimpse into the realities and world of adoption. Katie Hern, the daughter, who had come out of the closet as a lesbian, comes out of the closet as an adopted child. Her account of the impact of adoption on her life is powerful. She shares her inner-most thoughts and deep feelings about the impact of the loss of her birth mother. She highlights the importance of the need adopted children/adults have to grieve the loss of their original family. She protects no one in her account. She tells all!

Ellen McGarry Carlson tells the story of an oppressive adoption system that existed in 1969. She explains that her families and societies primary goal was to separate mother and child and have her surrender her first born to adoption. Shame and guilt permeate her core. A sense of wholeness is felt by the reader as she describes her feelings as her lost daughter reunites with her. This book is highly recommended for those trying to make sense of the issues surrounding adoption and reunion.

As an adoptee whose circumstances are remarkably similiar to Katie's, I was blown away by this book. I am currently searching for my birth mother, so this account was fascinating. A lot of the emotions and fears are ones that I have experienced. This book is more than a collection of letters. It is a fascinating look inside the process that many still-searching adoptees should take the time to read. I will probably read it again as my own search continues.

As an adult adoptee reunited with my birthmother, I have read numerous books on adoption, searching and reunion and must say that I couldn't read this book fast enough. With every turn of a page I found myself saying "yes", these are the same feelings and emotions I have dealt with. While my reunion has been absolutely wonderful there still remains certain feelings of guilt,anger and questions that I want to ask but can't seem to get out of my mouth. While my birthmother and myself have a very open relationship sometimes feelings are better expressed with letters such Ellen and Katie do in this book. I plan on writing my birthmother a letter in hopes that she will respond with answers to my questions and that we can continue to enjoy our loving and joyous relationshiop. Thank you.

I learned a great deal from reading this book. I had no firsthand experience with adoption, but was attracted to the book by the idea that two adults can discover each other and consciously discover and explore a shared history. I was deeply touched by Ellen's immediate and unconditional love for the daughter she gave up for adoption. This is not to imply that she is an idealized, fiction of the "perfect" birth mother -- she comes across as complex and interesting, managing to transcend substantial constraints with grace and humor. Katie, the daughter, is anything but a poster child: her personal and political convictions are strong and her standards for herself and others are high. It is fascinating to come to understand how the adoption influenced her attitudes, choices, and conduct. While Ellen's family is instantly engaged with Katie, Katie's family members (her adoptive parents and two adopted siblings) experience a ripple effect from the reunion that offers hints that the ending to this story is not entirely picture perfect.

The effect of the loss and rediscovery is both conscious and unconscious. The two women proceed with caution as they build their relationship, but the ties are profoundly emotional from the very beginning, and never intellectualized. The reader has the additional pleasure of reading behind the express words in their letters, if he or she chooses to do so -- I liked this aspect.

I am not ordinarily a fan of books of correspondence, but this book is very different. The initial letters and e-mail, which precede the actual meeting between Katie and Ellen, allow the two women the time necessary to create mutual ground, to explore their similarities and differences, to develop empathy for the pain experienced by each, and perhaps to avoid unwanted surprises. Later letters reflect an attempt to understand what has happened on both an emotional and verbal level. Throughout, the correspondence allows each to reassure the other that even the most essential and deep separation does not make it impossible to experience love, trust, and loyalty.

I found Katie's book to be a page turner. I couldn't wait to see what emotions would surface next. This is a must read for everyone that knows someone who is adopted. It is really an eye opener into the feelings of adopted children even if they are happy and well adjusted. This would be a wonderful book for a book club. There is so much to discuss in this book!

This series of letters between an adoptee and the birthmother who had to put her up for adoption offers very good perspectives on both sides of this once-common practice of anonymous adoption. From the many books I have read on the subject I think it is fair to say that the birthmothers are devastated to their core and never get beyond the pain of relinquishing their newborn baby, and for the most part the adoptees themselves grow up with unanswerable questions about their heritage, why they were "given up" by the woman who gave birth to her, etc.

While reading these letters I was made to feel uncomfortable many times and often felt they got off the track too often, especially Katie, the very headstrong adoptee. She writes more than I felt was necessary about her lesbianism, certainly more than I wanted to know. I don't understand why gay people think an anonymous reader would be interested in thier sex life, or love life.

That said, I also felt like the innocent and injured parties here were the parents who raised Katie. I think secretive, anonymous adoptions were probably a mistake, but in a case like this where the adult child and birthmother are so happy to have found each other, the parents who raised the child, and all the extended family members, are pushed aside, thinking they are no longer important in the overall scheme of things.

As an adoptee who also found her birthmother and is contemplating compiling our correspondence into a book - I truley enjoyed reading abt the ups, downs, struggles and being able to understand most that was experienced...I googled my idea for a book and found that it had been done but it has pushed me to want to also share my story. Very well put together and a lot of credit to you both for sticking with one another and not giving up. Highly recommend this book to anyone who wonders what it would be like to find their birthmother.

Good news: This book is a very easy and engaging read. The mom and daughter write extremely well and their reunion through letters, e-mails and visits is so good it is almost too good to be true. Yet they do shed light on dark side of even the best reunions ...As an adopted mom, who is open, so I thought to birth mothers more than most, I was bothered by the birth mom's seduction of her "daughter" which was obviously going to lead to problems for the relation with adopted mom. That was a subtext they did not addrss.. Also some of the psychological work each does struck me as a little rote. Another flaw: Their writing styles are too similar. Even if true, for the book's sake, they should have emphasized their differences. And not only in writing, but, now that I think about it: the whole point of this book was the display and joy of similarities=their love. I believe, as with their writing styles, that there were too many genetic connections celebrated to be true to life. I am not adopted and found none of the issues purely bound to that "primal wound." Then again, what do I know about a reunion? All in all: a good and VERY easy read by two very intelligent women who ARE much alike but, guessing here, atypical of most reunions, atypical of most adoptees, atypical of most birth moms. Nonetheless, yes, recommended.

I am a 35 yr old adoptee and ordered this book for helpful insight into the adoptee/birthmother interactions.
I was caught by surprise when Katie revealed right away that she is a lesbian.
Unfortunately, this soured the book for me.
I wish this information would have been written in the editorial review!