Customer Reviews

Rewind Replay Repeat: A Memoir of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

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Let me admit upfront that I knew little of OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) before reading this book. I had heard of some instances where certain people do what I will call rather strange things like re-checking things 3 or 4 times, or washing their hands quasi non-stop. I'm not sure what prompted me to pick up this book in the first place, but let me just say I am very glad I did.

In "Rewind, Replay, Repeat" (357 pages), author Jeff Bell, apparently a well-known news radio personality in the Bay Area and Northern California, basically recounts his 6 years (roughly 1992 to 1998) of going through the hell that is called OCD, before finding a way to handle it. For those of us who do not have OCD, this book is incredibly revelatory in what various types of OCD'ers (such as 'washers', 'hoarders', 'checkers', 'repeaters' and the like) go through day after day. Struggling with getting the proper treatment from his doctor, Bell recounts when he stumbles on a book that describes what he is going through: "What I read on the first page of the first chapter knocks me down to my knees, like a swift blow to the back of my legs". Bell ultimately finds a behavior therapist who understands his condition. The road blocks enountered by the author are many and getting on the right path is "hard work", as the author makes clear over and over again.

The book is riveting and even shocking, in the sense that it is so difficult to really understand what OCD'ers are going through. The author is to be commended for sharing his story, providing insight and education to someone like me, and giving hope to other OCD'ers. Highly recommended.

If you are OCD, have a family member who is, or even think you might be, or know someone who is, or might be, you all have to read this book.

Jeff has literally gone through hell and back with his OCD, and one can't help but want to hug him and help him get through each episode.

He is so clear in what he writes, it's almost as though you're sitting on his shoulder watching what he goes through.

Using the tape recorder as a basis for a title, and the way it's used throughout, is a fabulous way of writing - Pause, Play, Fast-Forward. It's so simple, yet totally explanatory.

He gives a very detailed version of what one person has suffered with this illness. Those of us who have much lesser forms of it, can only be thankful there but for the grace of God, goes us.

I think this book should be mandatory reading for all teachers and students in high school and college; possibly even junior high, at least in some classes.

The only negative things I'll say about it, isn't even negative for me, but might be for others.

At times, one might feel it's a bit over the top ... please have understanding. It is over the top for Jeff, and it's exactly as intense as he relates it to be.

The coincidences of finding each thing at the specific times he does - and the "internal voices" (his own) telling him to do or not to do certain things - may seem unbelievable. They aren't. It happens all the time to some.

I bought two books at his signing at Borders in Sacto, and am highly recommending the book to everyone I know.

This memoir is very good at describing what it is like to live with OCD. The author, Mr. Bell, describes his ups and downs living with OCD in candor and good humor. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in gaining insight into this disorder, especially people that have OCD. There is a great light at the end of the tunnel.

Jeff Bell uses the metaphor of a tape player to describe his struggle with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder in his harrowing memoir, "Rewind, Replay, Repeat." Bell has been a successful radio personality for many years, which makes his willingness to come clean about his illness all the more remarkable. He is a doubter, who states, "I have all five of my senses, but tend not to trust any of them." Because he does not believe what he perceives, Bell mentally replays entire sequences of his life over and over again. He also revisits places to check that he has not harmed anyone or failed to do something essential. He calls his story "a tale of fear and torment and agony and shame."

After experiencing a few OCD symptoms as a child, Bell enjoys a normal adolescence, goes on to college, earns an MBA, marries his college sweetheart, and starts a career in commercial radio. He and his wife, Samantha, have a little girl, Nicole. Everything is going wonderfully. Unfortunately, the peace of mind that he enjoyed for so many years is shattered when his OCD returns with a vengeance. He begins to obsess about a near-collision that occurs while he is piloting his father's boat. He spends hours worrying about some minor damage that he may have inflicted on someone else's cabin cruiser. Not only does he think about this event constantly, but he also visits the marina over and over to look for physical clues. This fixation on an unimportant incident takes over his life to such an extent that it begins to affect his marriage and his ability to concentrate at work. He stays up all night worrying, and his sleeplessness makes him groggy during the day. Rather than owning up to his condition, Bell makes a valiant effort to hide the truth from his colleagues, friends, and loved ones. He is living a double life and it is destroying him emotionally.

Even after he reluctantly shares his secret with his family and agrees to seek help, the first therapist that Bell consults has no useful answers for him. Although his devoted wife is steadfast in her support of her beleaguered husband, she finds his behavior increasingly unsettling. After sixteen months of "pent-up rage," Bell curls up on the bathroom floor of his house and bawls like a baby. He is deteriorating and he has no idea what to do to make things better.

"Rewind, Replay, Repeat" illuminates the agonizing world of doubters and checkers--those unfortunate souls who cannot leave well enough alone. OCD sufferers include: the woman who must unlock her front door repeatedly to check the stove; the driver who feels compelled to circle the block to make sure that he didn't run over a pedestrian; the terrified child who keeps asking his mother the same question a thousand times and is never satisfied with the answer; the washers who scrub their hands dozens of times a day until their skin is raw and painful; and the savers who hoard objects of no value until their homes resemble garbage dumps. Medical science has yet to pinpoint exactly what causes the brains of OCD patients to misfire.

This is an intensely personal, painfully honest, and extremely detailed look at one man's journey into the abyss and back. After he learns that he has OCD, an incurable condition, Bell struggles for years to get his life under control with a combination of spiritual awakening, a support group, cognitive behavioral therapy, and drug treatment. "Rewind, Replay, Repeat" is an informative, touching, and vividly written first-person account that will give hope and comfort to OCD sufferers and their families. It is a welcome addition to other excellent non-fiction works on this subject that include the classic "The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing" by Judith Rappaport and "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey Schwartz.

I originally picked this gem up thinking it would be interesting to read from a psychological point of view. Once I started into it, though, I began to recognize certain elements of my own behavior. Though I would not say I am a full-blown OC, I do sometimes have obsessive-compulsive thoughts and behaviors (probably as most people do at some time in their life). Just the title and him referring to the tapes that keep replaying in his brain was enough for me to squash my own destructive thoughts. Whenever I start wasting time on obsessive thoughts, I just think of his analogy of the tapes that keep playing, then rewinding and replaying. I then choose to shut the tape player off. Very freeing! A courageous and interesting story. Thank you for sharing, Mr. Bell.!

With Hollywood now poking fun at repetitive hand-washing or including "quirky" characters w/ OCD -- what a relief to discover what living w/OCD is really like.

Fascinating to see how the author wrestled with "unwanted" thoughts, urges & actions. Tons of insight re: living with a brain that isn't quite wired like everyone else's.

His struggle reminds me of my battle with alcoholism. Even though I've been sober for years I still have bizarre mental lapses where I forget I'm an alcoholic & instinctively start reaching for a drink.

Super readable & moves quickly, w/humor. Not at all maudlin (whew!). No dwelling on "poor-me" & not one mention of "feel sorry for my plight"

Well worth the $$ & time.

I cannot recommend this account of a person's journey into the terrors of OCD highly enough. I suffer from OCD and read as much as I can on this topic, and this is the best personal story I have ever encountered on this subject. Without whining or blaming, the author carefully and honestly shares his torture. With a reporter's skills, he has us on the scene with him, feeling his agony and rooting for his recovery. A close friend who does not have OCD and borrowed my book was equally in awe of the author as she read of his struggle and his eventual recovery. I would recommend this book to family and friends of OCD sufferers as Jeff shares what his wife, children and parents went through during the height of his disorder. Professionals who treat OCD sufferers will benefit from it as well. It will be a real eye opener into our world. You will not be disappointed in this heartfelt, amusing, and heartbreaking story. This is a book I found extemely hard to put down. Please read this book.

Rewind, Replay, Repeat is an incredibly warm and heartfelt journey by Jeff Bell about his personal experience with OCD. I had the immense pleasure and honor to meet Mr. Bell when he came to speak to my Psychology class in March 2007 at Las Positas College in Livermore, CA and he was very inspirational and it is very evident in his book as he describes his journey!!!
This is a must read!!!
Judy Poole

This book brought me to tears. It so reminded me of my daughter's struggle with anxiety disorders. One thing that all people need to be reminded of is, Jeff, nor anyone with anxiety disorders, is ever cured. It is not overcome. It is coped with - sometimes better than other times. Your life and those around you are still affected by the disorder. You still have symptoms but are better able to not let them control you. This takes energy. If someone you know has anxiety disorders, remember this.

This is a story of profound courage, describing in excruciating detail a select few of the author's compulsions as they invaded his days and turned him into a helpless hostage of the bizarre tediums in his own mind.
The author has great respect for his readers' sensibilities, providing just enough humor and contrast to keep us thoroughly engaged as he begins to question his diagnosis, as he begins to question his therapy, as he begins to question his life from a larger spiritual perspective.
As a whole, he's produced a detailed illustration of the limitations in even our most "advanced" psychotherapy, providing some fascinating clues in his exploring the inexhaustible reservoir of authentic hope he found within his spiritual life, without being at all dogmatic about it.
Thank you, Jeff Bell for your dogged persistence and your humanity in sharing so much of your personal world.