Morton Martin Spell -- a once-brilliant, now-infirm seventy-five-year-old writer -- is sliding into delirium. He thinks Mount Sinai Hospital is an exclusive golf course and his catheter is a gym bag. His only link to reality is his thirty-five-year-old nephew, who makes his living as a hired gun for thirteen softball teams and still goes by the name College Boy.
But College Boy's body has begun to betray him -- almost as much as his lack of ambition. (His only legitimate paycheck comes from a gig as a laugher on a morning radio show.) Not only that, the Dirt King, a small-time gangster who controls all the replacement soil in Central Park, is after College Boy. As their lives collide, College Boy takes refuge in the arms of Sheila -- his uncle's cleaning woman and a part-time call girl.
There is rarely even a snicker is this supposedly comic first novel by a monologue writer for David Letterman. And therein lies the problem: stand-up comedy material can sound good when delivered by a professional, while that same material on the page of a novel will appear forced and lifeless. Harvey "College Boy" Sussman is the ringer of the title; he is a 35-year-old goof who gets paid to play softball for a dozen or so teams in and around New York City. As College Boy's athletic prowess diminishes and his fondness for prescription drugs increases, he has no clue what he will do after softball, though he also has a gig as a professional laugher on a call-in radio show. Morton Martin Spell is his uncle, a long-retired magazine writer who, as the story opens, is rushed to the hospital suffering the effects of a long relationship with vodka and Valium. There is something smarmy about the narration of the irrational ramblings of this old man zonked out on drugs (and as if that isn't enough, he is saddled with prostate problems, Parkinson's disease and serious overmedication by incompetent doctors), which take up most of the novel and are decidedly not funny. Scheft also introduces a whore with a heart of gold; a petty gangster, the Dirt King, who controls all dirt movement in Central Park; and a loud, obnoxious radio talk-show host. These New York extras are well conceived, but even they can't keep Scheft's tale from falling flat. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Review
“Funny, insightful, and profound....I’m outraged.” (Larry David )
“Scheft keeps the material coming at machine-gun pace....the jokes are plentiful and very high in quality.” (New York Times Book Review )
“Damn funny, and ultimately moving. Four stars.” (Maxim )
“Bill Scheft’s novel produces the kind of explosive laughs that can create an unsanitary condition.” (Jeffrey Toobin )
“A moving story about love between wounded souls that will linger in the mind far longer than the laughs.” (Bruce McCall )
“Bill Scheft has written a delightful first novel....The Ringer is a funny, big-hearted book.” (Tom Perrotta )
“Has to be the summer’s funniest novel....Fast moving fiction at its swiftest.” (Trenton NJ Times )
Novelist, columnist, television writer. During the last two decades, Bill Scheft has established himself as a versatile, singular and influential comedic voice.
His latest and most ambitious novel, EVERYTHING HURTS (Simon and Schuster), was published in April. In EVERYTHING HURTS, self-proclaimed "self-help fraud" Phil Camp, who accidentally achieved international acclaim writing under the pseudonym Marty Fleck, tries to seek relief from his unexplained chronic pain through the aid of another self-help guru, Dr. Samuel Abrun. Publishers Weekly raves: "Scheft scewers physical and emotional pain with a mercilessly comic touch and a bit of poignancy." And Pulitzer Prize-winning author Richard Russo marvels, "How rare it is for a novel to be both hilarious and profoundly moving."
Scheft's critically acclaimed first novel, THE RINGER, the story of a 35-year-old hired gun softball player whose life changes when he has to take care of his infirm sportswriter uncle, was optioned for film by United Artists, for whom he wrote the screen adaptation. His second novel, TIME WON'T LET ME, chronicled the chaotic resurrection of the prep school garage band The Truants, whose members try to reunite 30 years after learning the album they recorded in 1967 is worth $10,000. TIME WON'T LET ME was a finalist for the 2006 Thurber Prize for American Humor, the nation's highest honor for literary humor.
In addition to his long-form fiction, Scheft was widely known for his weekly humor column, "The Show," which appeared in Sports Illustrated for three years. A collection of his columns, THE BEST OF THE SHOW, was published in 2005.
After twelve years touring as a stand-up comedian, Scheft was hired as a monologue writer for Late Night with David Letterman in 1991. He was with the program for its last two years at NBC, then moved over to CBS in August, 1993 to work on Late Show with David Letterman. He served as head monologue writer for the Late Show until 2004, and during his 18 years with Letterman has been nominated for 15 Emmys. Which, ah, means he's never won.
Scheft has contributed humor essays and short pieces to the New Yorker, New York Times, Esquire, TV Guide, George, Talk, Slate, Modern Humorist, the collections Mirth of a Nation, 101 Damnations, May Contain Nuts, Howl, The Enlightened Bracketologist and a few other places that may or may not exist anymore.
A 1979 graduate of Harvard College, where he majored in Latin because he "thought the church was going to come back," Scheft began his professional career as a sportswriter for the Albany Times-Union before he came to the realization, "Hey, what the hell am I doing in Albany?" He moved to New York City in December, 1980.
He still lives in Manhattan with his wife, comedian Adrianne Tolsch,and the voices in his head.
Great read for anyone who a) enjoys biting humor and/or b) still has the itch to be a jock. Once you get to know these characters, you don't want them to go away. Tough book to put down.
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I bought The Ringer for my husband because I thought he'd enjoy the humor and sports theme. After hearing him laugh out loud for several days, I decided to read it myself. I loved it! It is a moving, poignant tale of vulnerability and self-discovery. It's a fast read, energized with humor, memorable characters, and an unpredictable series of events. A wonderfully entertaining and thought provoking book. I highly recommend it.
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First, let me answer my own question--he wrote for David Letterman and Letterman endorses the book on its cover which guarantees at least some sales. What it doesn't guarantee is that the book is well written, funny, or the least bit entertaining. It isn't even marginally any of these things. The Ringer is a few one liners pieced together into a novel consisting of poorly conceived, completely unrealistic, exaggerated characters with nothing interesting to say. "College Boy" carrying around "Bagzilla" avoiding conflict with "the Dirt King" while "Uncle Mort" plays golf in the hospital. Ridiculous, unfunny drivel that amounts to a torturous, unfunny read.
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