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Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God (With a word to wives from Carolyn Mahaney): What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know

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I felt a deep sense of deja vu as I read Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God. It took me only a few pages to realize that this book, in a condensed form, forms the basis for a chapter in Sex and the Supremacy of Christ (edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor). I had enjoyed that particular chapter of Sex and the Supremacy of Christ and felt certain I would likewise enjoy this lengthened version.

Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God is based loosely on the Song of Solomon. C.J. Mahaney shares my understanding of this book of the Bible stating simply, "It's about sex" (page 9). While many have attempted to allegorize Solomon's song, few have succeeded with any degree of credibility. "That's right gentlemen." says Mahaney, "Solomon's Song of Songs is an entire book of the Bible devoted to the promotion of sexual intimacy within the covenant of marriage. It's an eight-chapter feast of unbridled, uninhibited, joyous immersion in verbal and physical expressions of passion between a man and a woman" (page 10). Amen. So as the reader prepares to read this book, he must prepare to celebrate God's gift of sex. The author says, "The purpose of the book you hold in your hands is to lead us back into God's ideal of joyful, unashamed, indulgent, loving sexuality in the context of marriage" (pages 14-15). This book is directed primarily to men, largely because it is the husband's role (not an author's) to lead his wife into a fuller understanding of what Scripture teaches about sexuality. Mahaney will provide the foundation men can build upon to discover with his wife how sex and romance can be done to the glory of God.

Following an introductory chapter Mahaney uncovers the divine purpose for marriage. This, he teaches, is to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. He goes on in the next chapter to provide a piece of wisdom he considers the most important in the entire book: "In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body" (page 28).

Several chapters follow in which Mahaney offers specific ways of touching a wife's heart and mind in order to build the type of relationship God desires for a marriage. Turning to the actual act of consumation, he follows Solomon's lead, providing little in the way of specific details that might read like a to-do list. Instead he invites us to study and understand the Song of Solomon to understand what Solomon meant when he wrote, "Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits" (4:16).

The book concludes with a chapter written by Carolyn Mahaney (C.J.'s wife) addressed to women. It is the fifth chapter ("The Pleasure of Purity") of her book Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother.

With lots of humor (much of it self-deprecating), but also compassion and sensitivity, Mahaney sets forth some principles that will bear much fruit in many marriages. He is honest about his book. "Please don't make the mistake of thinking that simply by reading this book you are being changed. I wish it were that easy. But change does not take place until we apply what we are learning in very specific ways, at very specific times, and always in dependence on God's grace to make our efforst effective" (page 35). This book is just the beginning. Far from a "10 Surefire Ways to Make Your Woman Melt" kind of book, Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God will lead the husband to see his wife as a remarkable God-given treasure. It will help the husband learn to see his wife in color while everyone else appears in mere black and white.

While it may seem strange, this book refreshed my joy in being a Christian. I was amazed at the wisdom of God who saw fit to give us an entire book of the Bible dedicated to teaching us how to love our spouses in a way that honors Him. Truly His Word is sufficient! Truly it is relevant! I was thankful that He has provided teachers to explain the Word to us. And I was renewed in my gratefulness towards Him for providing me the priceless treasure that is my wife.

So men, buy this book. I cannot imagine a husband who would gain nothing from it. Women, buy a copy and slip it into your husband's hand with a suggestive wink. He'll get the idea. Read it, enjoy it, and most of all, put it into practice. Learn how sex and romance can bring glory to the One who created them for our enjoyment.

That simple phrase is what all of us men need to hear: "Before you touch her body, touch her heart and mind." Cursorily using Song of Solomon as an illustration of true biblical covenant love, C.J. Mahaney has written one of the most useful books that I have ever read.

This book is written for men. Men need to step up and lead in romancing the marriage. Therefore Mahaney asks that men don't read this book with their wives. Great intimacy, including sex is something that every marriage should be full of. If that is missing, it is primarily the husband's issue that he needs to fix. Then in chapter 2 he moves on to give the biblical God-given purpose for marriage from Ephesians 5: "A profound mystery, revealed to all to see."

My favorite chapters then follow (3-6) in which Mahaney lets the readers draw from his life experiences, his successes and his failures, to help us with romancing our wives, touching their hearts and minds so that then touching their bodies is so much more intimate, frequent, and amazing. These chapters have been so useful to me. I'm not going to ruin it for you by giving you any of the advice here. But let me tell you that just taking advantage of the advice that he gives and the motivation that comes knowing that greater intimacy better glorifies God has already had a very noticeable impact in the two weeks since I finished my first reading of the book...so much so that my wife has told me whatever I read has changed me for the better.

Finally he ends in chapter 7 with a mild exposition of Song of Solomon 8:5-7, "Strong as Death, The Enduring Power of Covenant Love." Marital love goes beyond just sex, but sex is truly only as amazing as God designed it to be in the context of marriage. Marital love is forever, it isn't dependent on sexual ability; it isn't dependent on perfection; it isn't dependent on emotions. Marital love comes for God and is a reflection of God's love for the church.

Carolyn Mahaney, C.J.'s wife wrote the an appendix, "A Word to Wives" which I haven't read but have been told by my wife is very good. I too have noticed a difference in her since she has read that chapter and the book from which it comes "Feminine Appeal."

I strongly recommend you read this book. I am in the middle of reading it a second time and plan on reading it and putting to action its suggestions until the day I die.

Sex - God created it, the world abuses it, and most Christians are embarrassed by it.

The way the world treats sex is like using a Stradivarius violin to hammer in nails - a thing of wondrous beauty misused and trashed beyond all recognition. For years Christian men have been conned by TV, Hollywood and the press that marriage and sex is about personal pleasure. We have lost the vision of what God intended in marriage.

CJ Mahaney's book returns us to the maker's instructions and restores a much profounder biblical perspective of romance within marriage as God intended it. He uses the Song of Solomon to illustrate how men should treat their wives. He puts the masterpiece of marriage back into its God-given frame, showing the significance of what marriage demonstrates - the relationship between Christ and his people. He calls Christian men to selfless sacrificial love, like Christ's love for his Church. He calls men to be leaders, a much-needed truth; and to be thoughtful caring servant husbands, possibly a more needed truth.

One of the great lessons repeatedly brought home is: "Before you touch her body, touch her heart and mind."

Too often men are more focused on their needs and pleasures. This is not what God intended in marriage - a selfless giving by each person. Mahaney then proceeds to illustrate what this means, and to help us men with the task of romancing our wives, and to develop marriages that go way beyond the physical side of the relationship.

This book is a must read for all married men. Some may find Mahaney's frankness startling, but he deals with this delicate subject without being crude or explicit. Mahaney's wife, Carolyn, has added an appendix, "A Word to Wives", which contains much of what we might want to say to our wives, but are afraid to.

Read this book, and put his suggestions into practice so that in a world where marriage is unfashionable and often self-serving, we will be able to live God-honouring, God-glorifying marriages.

Men, buy it and surprise your wife. Ladies, buy it for your husbands.

All of the things the other reviewers say about this book are true. It's worth having and gives a Biblically-based view of what marriage is supposed to be about. Mahaney goes to the Song of Solomon to show that God designed sex to be enjoyed--delighted in--within the context of marriage and give several suggestions as to how a man can help to keep that spark in the marriage and the bedroom.

However, I was a bit disappointed for a couple of reasons. First, it was rather short (check out the product details, not only the number of pages, but also the book's dimensions--it's kind of dinky). The main disappointment, though, was that I had already heard most of this before--from the author himself. I bought the book after hearing Mahaney's talk at a conference entitled "Sex and the Supremacy of Christ." I liked his talk and wanted to hear some more from him, so I ordered this book, but he had obviously used this book as the main source of material for the conference, and much of what was in the book was also in his talk.

So, as I said, the book is good and it's worth having. However, for a bit more money one might want to consider going to [...] and ordering the excellent cd set entitled "Sex and the Supremacy of Christ", which has eight cd's, one of which includes much of the material found in this book.

Books on sex and romance, written by godly pastors are rare. C.J. Mahaney is no sexpert, and this is no sex manual. But this may be the best book on sex you'll ever read.

Sex, Romance and the Glory of God presents a theology of marriage that serves as just the right backdrop to look at how Solomon, in his famous Song, deals with sex. The book sets sex in the proper context for which God intended it. And it calls men--Christian men--to love and romance their wife.

Particularly helpful and challenging is Mahaney's call for men to romance their wives. Mahaney encourages us to plan and work at delighting our wife in any number of small yet meaningful ways. He provides practical pointers and suggestions and strongly encourages a weekly date of some kind.

The truth he wants us to remember, if nothing else from this book is this: "In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body." [emphasis his, page 28]

An example of Mahaney's practical yet unsettling wisdom is his must-ask question: "Do you feel more like a mother or a wife?" [pg. 29]

Concerning this point he continues:

"There can be a selfish, sinful tendency among husbands to view their wives as a goal that, once achieved, is then taken for granted. That is how a wife with children comes to feel primarily like a mother. And that is why the very idea of asking a question like this can cause many husbands to swallow hard and consider going off to watch a little TV. But please don't--I want this to be an encouragement to you.

"...A variety of legitimate activities may consume huge quantities of your wife's time....But whatever your situation, if you make it a priority to love and care for your wife as Christ does the Church...God will touch her heart so that, even when surrounded by diapers, dishes, and diseases, she can answer that question with joy: "I feel more like a wife."

"...Motherhood is exceptionally important. It calls for immense sacrifices and deserves great honor. But I can say with full conviction that according to Scripture, motherhood is never to be a wife's primary role. In fact, I think the most effective mothers are wives who are being continually, biblically romanced by their husbands. [pg. 30]"

I found Mahaney's chapter on "The Language of Romance" to be very interesting. I was challenged to be more intentional in how I communicate with my wife, and to stop neglecting poetry as a means of arousing her love. Listen to Mahaney on this point:

"...[Song of Solomon shows us] a category of communication set apart from the stuff of daily life....It is highly intentional, creative, provocative, erotic language. It's purpose is to arouse romantic passion--to inflame slowly and intentionally, all the while honoring and delighting one's spouse....Long before they begin to enjoy one another's bodies, they excite one another's minds with tender, creative speech. They model for us what it means to feel sexual passion and to articulate that passion. The language is highly poetic, romantically expressed, and exceptionally creative and imaginative. It is also unmistakably sexual.

"The best sex begins with romance, and the best romance begins with the kind of speech we read in the Song of Solomon. It begins with carefully composed words....

"Far from scorning carefully composed words, I should accept the lesson of Solomon's Song and learn how to use them. Poetic language is a gift from God that can help me promote godly romance with my wife!

"...How many times in the past week or month have you spoken to your wife in ways that she found to be romantically and perhaps erotically arousing? [pg. 60, 69-70]"

In Mahaney's eagerness to use Song of Solomon as a Biblical description and instruction of marital intimacy, however, he falls prey to what I consider to be a wrong approach to interpreting that book. He pits an allegorical interpretation, which sees Christ and his Church as the key players in that song, against a "literal" interpretation, which sees Solomon talking about the joys of marital love. I am aware that there have been extreme allegorical interpretations that go so far as to negate any application of what the song teaches about marital love. But in Mahaney's approach, which is very typical and widespread today, the error is made to the opposite extreme. He denies any typographical use of the book.

I see an alternative approach which can both affirm that the book clearly praises the joys of marital love yet also recognize that Solomon's Song is written within the framework of a redemptive history that the Bible records for us. And just as other Biblical stories foreshadow and describe the redemption Christ accomplished for His people, thereby enhancing our understanding of and appreciation of the Gospel, so too the Song of Solomon may rightly be seen to describe the anti-type of which marriage is only a picture. Indeed all marriages are a picture of the abiding covenant love and joyful relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church (Eph. 5:31-32); and hence it would be proper to see Christ and His Church as ultimately referred to in this beautiful love poem.

My quibble over interpreting Song of Solomon aside, you need to get this book. And if you're a husband, you especially need to read it, and even more so if you have already been married for some time. I recommend it highly.

When it comes to the subject of sex, Christians can often overreact to the sinful prominence that sex has in our Western culture. Christians often end up not talking about sex at all, or at least not very often. But we must remember that God did invent sex and gave us clear guidelines on how we can glorify God through having sex. And Mahaney's book helpfully encourages husbands (and wives) to enjoy their marital sexual relationship, not shy away from it.

In his first chapter Mahaney shows the reader that great sex gives glory to God as it is the inheritance of every Christian couple. This comes through a brief exposition of the Old Testament book, Song of Solomon. The second chapter then explains that sex promotes the purpose of marriage which is to reflect the close relationship between Christ and the church. The next few chapters then give counsel on how to have great sex with your wife by positive interaction with your wife outside the bedroom. This includes learning about her, leading her, loving her, romancing her and speaking with her. Chapter six then speaks about sex itself. The final chapter is on the enduring power of a covenant of love that you have with your wife (there is also an excellent appendix from Mahaney's wife to Christian wives - almost worth the price of the book!).

Although the book speaks about a delicate subject, it is in no way crude. It is evident that Mahaney really loves his Lord and really loves his wife. And by writing the book he wants to show his brothers how to really love their wives and really love the Lord too.

While this is written for men, my husband and I read this together and talked about the author's suggestions. This is a powerful little book, mainly because the author speaks from personal experience. This is a refreshing alternative to beating men over the head about sexual things they shouldn't do and helping them with positive suggestions on how their sex lives can glorify God. Every man with a heart to please God would benefit from reading this, if he is willing to do the work to apply.

C.J. Mahaney's book contains a simple but effective encouragement about romance within marriage. What is deeply appreciative about this small book is that it contains a simple message that acknowledges our sexuality within the marriage and how God designed it to be joyously pursued, and that it is to be a source of pleasure and true intimacy with one's wife. The writer also seeks to provide several ideas to inspire men to develop romance in their marriages. The book speaks of this profound truth that we often forget that is to love and know one's wife is deeply connected to the love, and joy of knowing God. For the Christian husband one should have one without the other.

Sometimes you pick a book simply because of the title or because you have heard good things about the author. I picked this book for both reasons and have been impressed. The book really addresses all that the title suggests. A short, but great read.

Our marriage counselor suggested this book to my husband before we got married. I bought it for him for his birthday and he has enjoyed reading it.