Romancing the Shadow: A Guide to Soul Work for a Vital, Authentic Life [Paperback]

Connie Zweig (Author), Steven Wolf (Author)

Book Description

Release date: February 2, 1999

Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore, but which can erupt in hurtful ways. As therapists Connie Zweig and Steve Wolf show in this landmark book, the shadow can actually be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life. "Romancing the shadow"--meeting your dark side, beginning to understand its unconscious messages, and learning to use its powerful energies in productive ways--is the challenging and exciting soul work that Zweig and Wolf offer in this practical, rewarding guide.

Drawing on the timeless teachings of Carl Jung and compelling stories from their clinical practices, Zweig and Wolf reveal how the shadow guides your choices in love, sex, marriage, friendship, work, and family life. With their innovative method, you can uncover the unique patterns and purpose of your shadow and learn to defuse negative emotions; reclaim forbidden or lost feelings; achieve greater self-acceptance; heal betrayal; reimagine and re-create relationships; cultivate compassion for others; renew creative expressions; and find purpose in your suffering.

The shadow knows why good people sometimes do bad things. Romancing the shadow and learning to read the messages it encodes in daily life can deepen your consciousness, imagination, and soul.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

According to authors Connie Zweig and Steve Wolf, each of us has shadows that hold forbidden feelings such as shame, jealousy, greed, lust, and rage. Left to their own devices these shadows will become destructive saboteurs--causing us to betray our loved ones as well as ourselves. It is not within our power to choose whether or not to have these shadows; however, Zweig and Wolf believe that it is within our power to take responsibility for our shadows and put them to productive use. Chapter by chapter Zweig and Wolf reveal the shadow side of love, parenthood, siblings, friendships, midlife, and work. Rather than deny or destroy these shadows, the authors show readers how to confront and "romance" them in order to access the energy, vitality, and creativity that usually lie dormant within our dark sides. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"This book is a great help to anyone trying to tune in and listen to the voice of the soul. At last, a practical mysticism!"
--Coleman Barks
    Poet-translator of The Essential Rumi

"A compelling, evocative book that brilliantly elucidates the shadow in straightforward language. Shadow-work is our greatest challenge to becoming a global village."
--Marion Woodman
   Author of Dancing in the Flames:
   The Dark Goddess in the Transforming Consciousness

"A consummate and timely work . . . An exciting entry into the growing literature on the dark side of the soul. There is deep wisdom and nourishment here."
--New Age Journal

"Romancing the Shadow enables you to peel away the layers of your soul and get in touch with the purity of Being that lies within you."
--Deepak Chopra
   Author of Seven Spiritual Laws of Success
   and A Path to Love

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 348 pages
• Publisher: Wellspring/Ballantine; Reprint edition (February 2, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0345417402
• ISBN-13: 978-0345417404
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.9 x 8.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #72,894 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Known as the Shadow Expert, I'm author of the bestsellers Meeting the Shadow and Romancing the Shadow. My next non-fiction book, The Holy Longing, explored religious/spiritual aspiration and its shadow side. Several years later, I turned to fiction and published my first novel -- The Moth to the Flame -- about the life of Rumi. It's the inside story of how he became a poetic genius and fully illuminated Sufi master.
I'm also a former Esquire columnist, contributor to the LA Times, and executive editor at Jeremy P. Tarcher Publishing. I received a Ph.D. in depth psychology in 1995 and have worked in private practice since then in Los Angeles.
You can find videos and excerpts of my books on www.conniezweig.com, as well as info on my counseling and shadow-work practice, which is available anywhere via skype.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

55 of 56 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Useful for midlife reflection June 9, 2000

By Peter A. Kindle

Format:Paperback

Imagine yourself at a crowded conference table in a dark room. There are many present, but no role call. Each person is known only when he or she speaks, but you cannot speak. In fact, you sometimes cannot even hear. On the rare occassion that a light briefly shines, your eyes are usually closed. Every decision, reaction, thought and feeling in your life is determined by the voices at this conference. Usually the loudest and shrillest voice dominates. To the authors, this is a picture of your inner life.

The authors attempt to enlighten the reader so that he begins to bring the shadow people into the light. In essence the book is a call for conscious, intentional life. Instead of a mute observer and victim, the authors hope to strengthen the innermost Self so that the voices can be heard, not denied; heeded without dominating.

Like much written from a Jungian perspective, I found this book both frustrating and helpful. References to Greek myths multiply at an alarming rate, but I found that prior knowledge of the pregnant meaning of each myth name was not essential to benefit from this book.

The authors explore family of origin shadows, relationship shadows, shadows in the workplace and the midlife experience of shadow. Four primary defenses against self-awareness of the shadow occur as running themes: money, power, sex and addiction.

It is interesting that there is little or no reference to mortality, aging and legacy shadow issues. Perhaps the ages of the authors (at most 51 years?) has resulted in a less comprehensive view of shadow work. If so, I hope they will update this work in 20 years.

I recommend this work to others, like myself, who are consciously working through midlife questions. This book may open new vistas for these seekers. For those looking for a "how to" prspective, this book will be a disappointment, only nine pages provide practical advice.

40 of 42 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A "must read" for deep thinking people September 3, 1999

By [e-mail]

Format:Paperback

Life often seems to consist of coping with one crisis after another in almost every arena of our lives. This is not a bad thing; matter of fact, life without conflict, drama and challenges would be quite boring. However, when the crises in our lives come to resemble a recurring nightmare, or the repetitive refrain on a broken record, we are at risk of moving into a place of hopeless despair and abject depression, to say nothing about high anxiety. At times like this, boredom might

look like an idyllic yet unattainable alternative. Advisedly, most of us seek help when such patterns begin to govern our lives and psyches. Unfortunately, many self-help programs, therapies and spiritual paths, while temporarily easing our angst, ultimately do not assist us in our need to move in a different direction. In writing

Romancing the Shadow: Illuminating The Dark Side Of The Soul,

Jungian psychotherapist Connie Zweig and clinical psychologist Steve Wolf have filled this deep void by providing insights, approaches and self-exploratory orientations that to date have not been accessible to the general public. Hailed by such people as Deepak Chopra and Larry Dossey as an important breakthrough, this book delivers what is promised in the first chapter which is called "Introduction to Shadow-Work".

In the past, shadow work has primarily consisted of meeting and confronting the dark side of ourselves and society. Zweig and Dossey take this effective technique one step further by showing us how to learn "to live with it" by realizing that "romancing the shadow", as opposed to fighting or attempting to eradicate it, "is a lifelong challenge". "Romancing the shadow means reading the messages encoded in the events of our daily lives in such a way that we gain consciousness, substance, soul. Romancing the shadow means meeting the shadow for a private rendezvous; eventually it means taking it seriously enough to

learn to embrace it in a long-term relationship."

This work is far too rich and deep for me to adequately review in this column, nor is it a light and breezy read: on the contrary, the authors suggest exploring the book by beginning with the segments that speak to you and to take time in absorbing and pondering the material at your own pace. I, for one, am glad I followed their advice! I highly recommend Romancing The Shadow as a perfect read during this season as we shift our focus from the external to the internal aspects of our lives.

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This review originally appeared in the Journal "silent messages".

22 of 25 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Interesting topic, ineffective writing April 27, 2003

By a seeker

Format:Paperback

Having just started to read about Jungian psychology, and taken an interest in the concept of the shadow, I approached this book in anticipation after reading Robert A Johnson's 'Owning your shadow'.While Johnson's book was concise and to the point,and very enjoyable to read, this book has been a boring read after the first couple of chapters. The ideas presented are sometimes repetitive and at other times just do not gel. You feel that you've read a profusion of sentences with a sprinkling of punctuations in between but with very little new information or insight as you go from page to page. I don't think I've learnt much, in theory or in practice. Will go to Debbie Ford's "The Dark side of the Light Chasers" now and hopefully find a more satisfying read.