Customer Reviews

The Room

5 star:		(121)
4 star:		(15)
3 star:		(12)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(30)

 

 

Let's assume that you've seen The Room. Imagine that Lisa's eyebrows matched her hair. Imagine that Johnny was about twenty years younger and a person that you actually wanted to see naked, with a decent haircut. Imagine that the movie's budget allowed for more than three or four sets. Imagine that characters didn't keep repeating the same meaningless lines over and over again--"Johnny is a good man." "Johnny is my best friend." "I don't want to talk about it." "Well I have to go now." Imagine that instead of being a simple Jekyll/Hyde caricature, Lisa was actually a complicated and real-seeming person, torn between security/domesticity and freedom/passion. Suppose that the revelation that her mother is dying of breast cancer actually contributed to her inner conflict. Imagine that the minor characters were adequately introduced and actually came across as real people with their own problems/motivations instead of simply allowing the filmmaker to kill some time while he waits to advance his plot. What would we have then? A simple morality tale (actions have consequences!) that no one would ever want to buy on DVD. Instead, we have The Room.

I first heard about The Room in the December 19, 2008 edition of Entertainment Weekly. I immediately tried to put it in my Netflix queue, but it was unavailable, so I came here, to Amazon, and was delighted to find that I could own this intriguing piece of cinema for only 8.49, so I bought it. I have watched it twice and have been trying to figure out what makes this movie so awful and yet so oddly entertaining ever since. Now I must admit I am a huge fan of bad movies--I can debate which is worse, Plan 9 from Outer Space or Manos: The Hands of Fate with the best of 'em. I have a tradition of watching Showgirls with the excellent commentary from David Schmader every Fourth of July, because it's so much better than fireworks, and you don't get caught in a traffic jam. I think it is hard to pin down all the disparate elements that make The Room sublime. Still, I agree with the EW article--it is the Citizen Kane of bad movies.

For those of you who haven't seen The Room, the plot goes something like this: Johnny is a guy who loves his live-in girlfriend, Lisa. He brings her presents. They have sex to horrible R&B-lite tunes. Their creepy teenage neighbor, Denny, tries to watch them having sex, but luckily they kick him out before things get too hot and heavy. Lisa seems to enjoy the sex, but it turns out Lisa is a big faker. Lisa doesn't love Johnny, but she thinks his best friend Mark is pretty hot, and apparently, no one can resist Lisa. To paraphrase what David Schmader said about Nomi in Showgirls, Lisa immediately pulls people into her orbit and makes them fall in love with her, because...well, we don't know why. Lisa and Mark have sex. Lisa and Johnny have sex again, just to make sure Lisa's duplicity is obvious enough. Lisa's mom is dying of breast cancer. Denny pisses off a drug dealer. Lisa encourages Johnny to drink too much and then makes up a story about him getting drunk and hitting her. A psychologist advises Johnny. Lisa and Johnny make out on the sofa in their house, except now they are played by two entirely different actors. Oh no, wait, these are different, unknown characters making out on their sofa. There is a mildly amusing incident with Lisa's mother and the unknown young man on the sofa and his underwear. We see the incident, and then it is repeated verbatim for us in the next scene. Johnny, Mark, and Denny play football while wearing tuxedos--ha ha! Lisa hosts a birthday party for Johnny and announces that she is pregnant, and then confesses to a friend that she's really not. Lisa then hits on Mark during the party, even though they had agreed to end their affair. Johnny finds out his beloved girlfriend is not really a human being, but is instead an evil robot. Disaster ensues. Actions have consequences!

I find that the movie makes more sense to me if I imagine that the character of Johnny is actually mentally challenged, but everyone is too polite to say this explicitly. (Once you hear Tommy Wisseau's odd accent and the strange cadence and emphases to his speech and his dorky laughs, not to mention what he's actually saying, it's actually not much of a stretch at all!) Johnny maybe has a rich, powerful uncle somewhere who has gotten him a handsomely-paid job fetching coffee at a bank. He's mentally challenged enough that he doesn't realize he's going to be the coffee boy forever, and he thinks his money-saving ideas for the bank are going to get him promoted ("Hey, if we stop giving away free toasters with new checking accounts, we could save money!" "That's a great idea, Johnny. Now go get me some more coffee. And a bagel. Cinnamon. Light on the cream cheese. That's a good man! We should think about promoting you to bank president, eh, Johnny? Heh heh!") Lisa is getting tired of having a mentally challenged boyfriend. Even though he is good to her, he has started to disgust her. And it's kind of understandable, really. It also explains Johnny's melodramatic reactions to everything.

Anyway, that's the backstory I have invented for The Room, but you could easily invent your own, and that's the great thing about this movie. The gaping holes in character and plot really encourage the viewer to use her own creativity. Whether you're throwing plastic spoons at the screen or trying to make up plausible reasons for the nutty behavior, it's a lot of fun, so buy this movie right now!!

I now mark my life into two parts - life before and after The Room. After seeing The Room, things seem differently. Colors now have taste. Taste no longer exists. My ears are willed with Tommy Wiseau's "Oh, hi there!"

See The Room, and be transformed into another consciousness than never knew how people behave, or talk, or think. A fever dream in which situations arise and disappear without leaving a trace. Where leading men can look like shambling corpses a few weeks old. Where the meaning of roses and chocolates have become perverse symbols of love. Where perversion is normal, where normal is perversion.

This is... The Room.

Well, what can I say?

After showing this at a party to a few friends, a round of applause followed the ending. This film is hilarious, and for all the wrong reasons!

After seeing an old trailer for this film, I remember seeing the terrible acting and bizarre mixed European accent of Mr. Wiseau, with him screaming "YOU ARE TEARING ME APART LIIIIZA". Having been shown this, this film was on my 'to get' list. Pure genius!

I don't know why, however, the trailer was changed. I also don't remember it being marketed as a 'black comedy' on this trailer I saw. But still, this film has the potential to be a cult classic over here in the UK, as everyone I've shown it too has laughed their arses off. Memorable quotes include, "We are expecting, AH HAH!", "Hi, doggy!" and the conversation that shows Tommy talking to his 'best friend' about clients at work, then the conversation switching suddenly with Tommy asking him, "Anyway, how's your sex life?"

Even if you don't like films that are funny because they're bad, watch this.. It's well worth the money, and you'll have something to show your friends which *WONT* disappoint them ;D

I don't know how anyone can finish it. I could barely get past the first scene. When I first saw the main dude, who looks like a cross between Yanni and Van Damme, I thought, "Aw, the blonde girl is being nice to the creepy serial-killer. Wait, he's her fiancee? Well, at least I don't have to see them having sex or his naked body--OH DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I have now seen Mr. Tommy Wiseau's cinematic tour-de-force, `The Room' three times. With each viewing, `The Room' becomes more complexly entangled in and inseparable from my own life. I no longer know where The Room ends and I begin.

It is, without question, the worst film ever made. Including movies made on beta max video cameras in special education high school classes. But this comment is in no way meant to be discouraging. Because while The Room is the worst movie ever made it is also the greatest way to spend a blisteringly fast 100 minutes in the dark. Simply put, `The Room' will change your life.

It's not just the dreadful acting or the sub-normal screenplay or the bewildering direction or the musical score so soaked in melodrama that you will throw up on yourself or the lunatic-making cinematography; no, there is something so magically wrong with this movie that it can only be the product of divine intervention. If you took the greatest filmmakers in history and gave them all the task of purposefully creating a film as spectacularly horrible as this not one of them, with all their knowledge and skill, could make anything that could even be considered as a contender. Not one line or scene would rival any moment in The Room.

The centerpiece of this filmic holocaust is Mr. Tommy Wiseau himself. Without him, it would still be the worst movie ever made, but with him it is the greatest worst movie ever made. Tommy has been described as a Cajun, a Croatian cyborg, possibly from Belgium, clearly a product of Denmark, or maybe even not from this world or dimension. All of these things are true at any one moment. He is a tantalizing mystery stuffed inside an enigma wrapped in bacon and smothered in cheese. You will fall in love with this man even as you are repelled by him from the first moment he steps onto screen with his long Louis the Fourteenth style black locks and thick triangular shoulders packed into an poorly fitted suit. You will even grow to love his metallic, steroid-destroyed skin. Tommy looks out of place, out of time and out of this world. There has never been anything else like him. Nor will there ever be.

The Room begins with `Johnny' (Tommy Wiseau) and his incomprehensibly evil fiancée `Lisa' (played by a woman with incongruously colored eyebrows and a propensity for removing her shirt) engaging in some light frottage, joined by, their sexually confused teenage neighbor, Denny--played with a deft sense of the absurd by Phillip Haldiman--who is clearly suffering from a cruel form of aged decrepitude. When Denny, who looks like the human version of Gleek the monkey from Superfriends, says, in a slightly creepy yet playful tone of voice, `I like to watch!' as Johnny and Lisa roll around the bed in a pre-intercourse ritual revolving around rose petals, you know you are in for a very special movie.

After a lengthy lovemaking scene (not to worry if you miss it the first time, they show it again in its entirety later in the movie) in which Tommy's bizarre, scaly torso and over-anatomized rear-end are lovingly depicted in great detail as he appears to hump Lisa's extra vagina located somewhere near her hip, we discover that Lisa, for no particular reason, decides she is bored with Tommy's incessant lovemaking and affectionate attention and decides to leave him. But not before she destroys his life.

Just when you think the movie might lapse into an ordinary, pedestrian sort of badness, Johnny's best friend Mark, who seems to have no job other than to wear James Brolin's beard from Amityville Horror, shows up and electrifies the screen with a performance so wooden that you could buy it at Home Depot and build a spice rack with it. Incidentally, Mark is played by Greg Sestero, who, in addition to being described as a department store mannequin, was also the line producer on `The Room' and one of Tommy Wiseau's five (5!!!!!) assistants on the movie. Lisa forces Mark, amid his paltry, unconvincing protests, to have an affair with her on their uncomfortable circular stairs. Lisa decides that she is evil incarnate and proceeds to torture her angelic and insanely devoted fiancé with various lies and manipulations.

Lisa receives pointed advice from her mother who casually announces that she is dying of breast cancer. And then never mentions it again! But Lisa is determined to make Johnny's life a living hell, in spite of the fact that she, according to her mother, "cannot survive on her own in the cutthroat 'computer business". But not before they recycle the sex scene from earlier in the movie where we get another bird's eye view of the insanity that is Johnny's naked body. Denny gets into trouble with a drug dealer. Mark shaves his beard. Tommy gets drunk on an unusual cocktail made from mixing whiskey and vodka. Lisa lies and tells everyone that Tommy hit her in a drunken rage.

A balding psychologist appears out of nowhere, offers some advice, then apparently dies while softly falling on the ground in an attempt to catch a football thrown by Mark.

All of these seemingly disparate events build up to two cathartic moments. The first is when Tommy expressively yells at Lisa with the line `You are tearing me apart Lisa!'. You will cheer at this line as you realize that the film has been tearing you apart the whole time. And the second is at Tommy's birthday party where the worst actor that has ever been born plays a unidentified man wearing a silk shirt who utters a phrase that perfectly describes the experience of watching The Room,

`It feels like I'm sitting on atom bomb that is going to explode!'

The shocking ending will leave you pleading and hoping for a sequel.

See this film at all costs. See it twice. Or three times. Or as one kid that I met from Woodland Hills has, 12 times! See it until you can recite every precious line of dialogue this movie has to offer. Let The Room become your new religion and Tommy Wiseau your prophet preaching the gospel according to Johnny.

My dream is to someday buy a theater and run The Room 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until the print disintegrates. I hope it becomes your dream as well.

Tommy Wiseau's THE ROOM may cure cancer and depression, but it also hurts your eyes and brain. Make sure you only watch it while wearing special glasses.

Okay, all kidding aside, this is one awful movie. On the positive side, it does manage to work as a reaffirmation of The American Dream. If a mutant like Mr. Wiseau can independantly realize his cinematic vision, then maybe we can too.

As for the film itself, I almost don't know what to say. This movie is terrible by pretty much any masochistic standard. Mr. Wiseau is like a creepy Brundlefly fusion of Sylvester Stallone, Fabio and Uwe Boll, but he seems to think that he's a completely normal, average, all-American guy. Even worse, he seems to think he's sexy. This leads to a seemingly endless succession of spirit-crushingly long, soft core sex scenes which allow us to study his body at length. How can one man be so toned and yet so decrepit?

There are laughs to be had, but they certainly weren't intended. THE ROOM is labelled as "a black comedy," but I assure you that Tommy Wiseau didn't know it was funny until he was watching it with a packed theater roaring with laughter at every nuance.

The plot? There isn't one. There is only Mr. Wiseau's persecuted narcissism. Lisa, the femme du jour of the piece certainly seems self-centered for no good reason, but I'd say that her sheer unmotivated evil says more about Wiseau's view of women than it does the reality of bad relationships.

Is there entertainment value in THE ROOM? Um, I guess. I've only watched it alone and it required some alcohol consumption to see it through til the end. I understand that group viewings have become kind of an event, so if you're into a certain level of bad movie worship, we may have your holy grail here. There are certainly laughs to be had at the expense of this thing and its alien of an auteur, but getting through it is a chore.

On the other hand, maybe it's the ultimate date movie. After sitting through the shrill, hideous cavortings and bickerings of the central couple in this movie, you and your significant other will be able to look at each other with new eyes and hold one another tight after glimpsing into the vision of Hell that this movie shows you.

Either that or share a hearty laugh knowing that the two of you could probably document your own relationship with a video camera and come up with a better movie than THE ROOM.

That's not a suggestion, by the way.

When you gaze into the intoxicating eyes of Tommy Wiseau on the cover the DVD you are immediately under his spell. There are plenty of things to warn you about in the god-awful, fantastic, life-changing movie but in this review I prefer to focus on the DVD cover. From top to bottom. Let's start with the top. Wiseau gratefully let's us all know that this film is in fact widescreen. This fact alone enhances the viewing experience. It was, after all, shot in film and video via a monstrosity created by welding both technologies together and shot in 16:9. So the fact he did not deprive us of all of the garbage that takes place in the wings of a 4:3 film is a blessing. Moving down...I am particularly fond of the probably [..] font chosen to brandish the title in our faces. The soft-edge bevel and light shadow provided by Photoshop 3.0 were both nice touches as well. Let's ignore the fact that the title is neither centered nor properly offset. Even when you consider the ridiculous drop mirror (oops forgot the bevel and shadow) it is still not right. Through the graphical placement of the title Tommy gives a little insight to the madness of the film within.

Let's talk about the hair. The term 'three-day-coke-bender' comes to mind when I look at the disheveled mess of octopus-ink blank hair. Nick Nolte's mug shot called and wanted a word with the stylist. My colleagues and I are unable to agree on whether that is his real hair or an abandoned wig lifted from the set of Edward Scissorhands. The apex of his forehead features the slightest indication of a vampirical widow's peak. Why? Some mysteries are meant to stay mysteries. The right side of his coif is particularly baffling. It is a sideways bird's nest made out of black string. Both sides of his face are flanked by an oil-black river of face-cradling brilliance as if to say, 'Look what I am holding. It's my baby. He may not be pretty but I love him so.'

The forehead is a vast wasteland that serves no purpose other than providing a platform to which the hair-mess is stapled.

The left eyebrow, slightly raised, says 'I am thinking about something'. The right eyebrow, well the whole right side of the face, hints at either brain damage or bell's palsy. Probably both.

It is difficult to ascertain if Tommy has a lazy eye or non-bilateral eyelids. Assuming he is human and does not have lazy eye or non-bilateralism, one can only conclude that his left, the viewer's right, eyelid lost interest in the photo shoot. About halfway through the session the eyelid started mailing it in, drifting to sleep. In fact you could surmise that the only saving grace of the DVD cover is the intelligence of Tommy Wiseau's left eyelid. It is telling us, 'at the end of this movie, you will close your eyes and wonder wtf just happened?'

The eyes are the focal point. One would think that Tommy would go with the sweet inviting eyes like the sad ones he used in the 'You are family, Denny' sequence. But no, he chose to the 'I am distraught and confused and will throw this four ounce television out the window' glare. And then the television will defy the laws of physics and change its trajectory like Oswalt's magic bullet. He went with those eyes. The eyes are those of a savant. Some savants are born with the innate ability to play the violin like a grand master but cannot tie their own shoes or wipe themselves. Tommy Wiseau is a savant that has the innate ability to make a bad movie. His eyes tell us this.

The nose is a nose.

I am transfixed by his pouty lips. He is about to kiss the lens. Or he has a throat lozenge on his tongue. His teeth are clenched but his colorless lips hide this fact. The palsy has migrated onto his left lower lip. These are the lips of a mad scientist deftly combining every conceivable bad idea for a movie into one gigantic stinky festering mess.

'Can You Really Ever Trust Anyone?' Good question. In fact since proudly pouring out ten bucks for this fantastic piece of crap I wonder if I can trust my own judgement. Again, he went with the drop shadow but chose an out-of pallet-family reddish hue for the lifeless nondescript font. It is not so much italicized as it is kind of just drifting to the right like it is about to leave. It is good to know that the 'generic slug line generator' was functioning on the day that 'Can you really trust anyone' was birthed.

"Experience this quirky new black comedy, it's a riot!"

Hmm.

Some alternatives that I would've been happier with include:

"Wear Depends adult diapers when you watch this!"
"Experience this accidentally hysterical abomination of filmic art!"
"Learn how to play football sree feet apart!"
"Everything you ever wanted to learn about properly installing air conditioning conduit in a Paraguayan bait camp but were afraid to ask!"

Quirky black comedy? Really? This movie is no more an intentional 'quirky black comedy' than the Hindenberg disaster was an intentional landing exercise for a distressed dirigible. It is one thing to insult our eyes with Johnny's unnecessary butt-shot. It's one thing to insult my ears with the dulcet tones of Clint Gamboa's "I Will". But it is another thing entirely to insult my intelligence by trying to sell me that this project was an intentional black comedy. This is an intentional black comedy? So was the Numa Huma kid.

But the phrase was in italics, enclosed in quotes, and sitting comfortably atop yet another drop shadow.

The picture, with its ridiculous green filter, grainy 'serial killer' quality, and floating head vibe drifts off the page with a gentle fade. Copyright 2005 All Caps TOMMY WISEAU-FILMS (not sure why the hyphen was chosen). All Rights Reserved.

Buy this movie. I cannot implore you with strong enough words. Buy it. Be changed. I will personally respond to any human that asks for a personal reference. I can ask you a few questions about your life and give you a personal reason why you, as an individual, should buy this movie. chance dot mcclain at g mail.

Join the revolution.

This is one of the most artsy, intriguing, striking tales of life, drug use, cheating, friendship, and sociopathic tendencies that I've ever come across. Every American, as Wiseau himself suggested, should view this film not once -- but twice! There is much to learn! Oh hai, doggy.

Remember, if you like to watch, you'll love to watch The Room.

[No, but really...gold. Best bad movie ever. Watch with a group and don't bother if you don't have a sense of humor.]

The Room is the greatest film ever produced. Writer/director/producer/actor Tommy Wiseau is a jack of all trades visonary genius who could very well be the offspring of Clint Eastwood and Steven Spielberg. Call him the Hitchcock of black comedy, the Orson Welles of symbolism, and the Martin Scorsese of sex scenes. His foresight knows know limits. He will plunder your heart and soul and leave you on the floor, breathless, panting for more of his vivid and penetrating mis-en-scene and astute aural pleasure enchanted with both harmony and discord.

You will call off work the next day. You will find yourself living a life that cannot possibly be real. You will begin questioning metaphysical reality as you find yourself trapped in a void of hate and condemnation. Hate because you did not think of creating The Room first. Condemnation as you relive your past failures.

But while The Room will have you calling into question the insane lament that you now find yourself dangling by, you will elope with your new lover and find solace in it's affair, it's tortuous ownership of your heart. Such is the masochistic nature by which you must now live. But do not fret! You will worship The Room's takeover as a necessary love-hate balance which, in time, you will discover is truly a microcosm of the universe's chaotic beauty. Embrace it, but never coddle it. It is your new mistress.

I first read about The Room in Entertainment Weekly's December 2008 issue. I was intrigued. Would this live up to the hype? I invited some friends over for dinner and a Bad Movie. We didn't know what to expect. Would it really be the worst movie ever? Well, once we caught the first glimpse of Mr. Tommy Wiseau, we knew we were in for a special night. I haven't laughed that much for ages. This movie defies description. Check out the extras, they are hilarious, especially the scene where Lisa is trying not to laugh as Danny has a meltdown on the roof. See it for yourself. You won't be sorry.

The evening was such a success, I'm planning to do this every couple of months with different movies. Any suggestions??? It will be hard to top The Room though.