Rubber Balls and Liquor [Hardcover]

Gilbert Gottfried (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 26, 2011

Nobody ever reads this part of the book. Somebody at the publishing house explained to me that it’s actually called the book flap. That sounded dirty, so I giggled for three hours. But it says in my contract that I have to write something over here in this tiny space, even though I don’t think anyone will notice. Some people might open up to the middle of the book and start flipping through pages, but nobody will read this part. In fact, I’ll bet anything that you’re not reading this part now. And if it turns out that you are . . . well, the guy in the bookstore is probably staring at you, saying, “Stop reading that book!” I guess there’s a reason bookstores are going out of business, left and right. Cheap fucks like you think it’s okay to stand in the aisles and read to your heart’s content. So for the sake of bookstores everywhere, buy this fucking book. I myself don’t care. I only care about the poor working man. Oh, and the sanctity of the written word. I care about that, too. And in my case, those written words, of course, include fuck, dick, and pussy.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Comedian Gottfried goes for the jugular in his first humor book. As in George Carlin's Brain Droppings, the author loves to goof on language, and he is equally outrageous, as is evident when one deciphers the transsexual pun disguised in the book's title and the suggestive cover image. Gottfried free-associates, riffing in print with an improvisatory flair as wild as his standup routines. Blowjob and masturbation jokes punctuate a mix of memoir, angst-ridden anecdotes, and observational humor. Turning to self-mockery ("I have a face for voice-overs"), he tells how he landed the one-word role as the voice of the animated Aflac duck, and his fans will eagerly skip ahead to a chapter titled "Too Soon" about his now famous Friars Club performance two weeks after 9/11. Gottfried's basic tactic is to deliver a dynamite line and top it with several surprises before reaching the end of each paragraph, building to guffaw-inducing jokes on almost every page. (Apr. 26)
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Review

Advance Praise for Rubber Balls and Liquor

 “One of the most touching, eye-opening historical accounts---one day I may even read it.”

---Howie Mandel

“This is definitely the loudest book I have ever read. It changed my life. After reading it I decided to go through transgender surgery.”

 ---Bob Saget

“Gilbert is the funniest man alive.  He is the comic genius of our generation.  This book proves he is the Picasso of the cubist-dick joke.”

---Penn Jillette

“Truly the funniest book ever, by one of the funniest guys on the planet!”

 ---Paul Shaffer, musical director, Late Show with David Letterman

“More than a national treasure, he’s a secret weapon. If we had had Gilbert Gottfried in World War II, Hitler would have given up in 1942.”

---Stephen King

"This book crosses the line of good taste. I loved it."

---JEFFREY ROSS

 

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press; First Edition edition (April 26, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312668112
• ISBN-13: 978-0312668112
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.9 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #537,942 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 14 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Sloppiness has never been so funny May 1, 2011

By M. Fulkerson VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Gilbert Gottfried spends most of the 272 pages of "Rubber Balls and Liquor" making veiled apologies about the quality of his writing. In his introduction, he makes it clear that the one and only reason he's writing this book is because, well, he has a book deal, and, against his better judgment, he must fill blank pages with words. A good portion of the book is dedicated to just that: filling up space. Somehow, though, Gilbert gets away with it by distracting you with a killer wit and sense of humor. Sure, you're going to notice the fact that he refuses to divulge anything of any depth or emotion, but you're so busy laughing it won't make any difference.

"Rubber Balls and Liquor" proves a difficult book to review. While being absolutely hilarious it simultaneously reveals a mind-numbingly frustrating habit of veering off into fits of rambling and unnecessary parenthetical asides. Of course, Gilbert knows and recognizes this fact, and makes a point of reminding the reader that he's incapable, and unwilling, of changing his habits.

As I read through the brief introduction to the book I belly-laughed at least five times. A great start to any book, I say. The following 260 pages show Gilbert not really trying to stay on point, bringing up interesting anecdotes, theories, and stories, only to derail himself with some randomness that will make your head spin. But again, you're laughing, so can this be a bad thing?

He brings up most of the career changing events in his professional life, such as his early stand-up, SNL, his movies and voice over work, and his Aristocrats joke at the Hefner roast.... He only lightly brushes over these topics, though, before he gets sidetracked and begins babbling about his sex life (or lack thereof), and endless self-deprecating comments that are distracting, but ultimately funny. It's a constant push/pull relationship you'll have with this book that's hard to describe until you read it. Gilbert has no form or structure in mind for this book, but he's always behind the wheel and in control. Of course, he's the worst driver of all time, but he'll eventually get you to your destination.

After reading this book, I know absolutely nothing more than I ever did about Gilbert Gottfried. Just as he appears in real life, he chooses to keep people at arms length by distracting them with killer laughs and jokes. Somehow, this suffices. There were several times in this book where it seemed Gilbert was just about to delve into a deeper part of his psyche or outlook on life, but he swiftly steered into more familiar territory which is, obviously, his comedy. He clearly is content in alienating everyone in life, even his fans. But when you like Gilbert and agree to dive into his book, you already know that and have accepted the ride as given. So as annoying as Gilbert's shallowness can be, you respect the little twerp for the unique creature he is. There has never been anyone in show business who can be directly compared to Gilbert's career, and that fact alone makes this book an interesting read.

Gilbert Gottfried simply doesn't care what anyone thinks, but from that dissent comes a rare comic mind. He gets to display this with occasional appearances on the Howard Stern show. Whenever Gilbert goes on the Howard Stern show my entire day gets re-arranged so I can listen with undivided attention. It's an event. His Stern appearances are special because it's an opportunity to hear him unedited and free, much like this book. This book is a lot like his appearances on the Stern show in that he just spews out whatever is on his mind, provoked or not.

Gilbert is definitely a weird guy. He's riddled with A.D.D., can't hold a thought for more than two seconds, refuses to conform, and we love him for it. If anything, "Rubber Balls and Liquor" is the most refreshingly frustrating book I've ever read. Read more ›

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars God Gave Me a Tongue So I Could Say, "LOVE IT!" May 14, 2011

By craig

Format:Hardcover

Many people who only knew Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of the bird in ALADDIN were probably surprised to hear that he was fired from his Alfac gig, for making about two dozen of the most insensitive, poorly-timed jokes in recorded history, about the tsunami in Japan. Those of us in the know realize that Gilbert has been engaging in this type of humor quite gleefully for 20+ years...but word carries further in the age of Twitter. I'll admit quite willingly that when those jokes hit Twitter (one after another, in the span of just a few minutes) I laughed out loud at about half of them--in equal parts at their brilliance and their stupidity. I'll also say that Gilbert's Hefner Roast version of the ARISTOCRATS joke was quite possibly the hardest I have ever laughed in my life.

Those who are offended by Gottfried's tsunami jokes should read his book. They won't like it--they will CERTAINLY be offended--but they'll see that Gilbert makes himself the butt of his own jokes just as often as he makes fun of, say, holocaust victims. He portrays himself as a D-list celebrity and chronic masturbator. Does that make his insensitive style of humor less horrendous? Well...yes. Gilbert is part of the 1% of celebrities who writes an autobiography with no agenda, no illusion of making the world fall in love with him. His only desire is to make us laugh: any way, any how. ...oh, and to make some money.

Just the fact that Gilbert Gottfried talks in that squawky voice all the time makes him a national treasure: he is the only living celebrity who subscribes to the Groucho Marx school of comedy. That's not his real voice; he doesn't HAVE to talk like that. But he does--even when doing interviews, even in voiceover work, even when signing autographs after shows. Anytime he's in public, he is "on...." Say what you will about the "obnoxiousness" factor...it takes tremendous skill and dedication to build up a persona and commit to it completely. That persona carries over into the printed word: every chapter and every page of this book reads like an extended Gottfried standup routine. He rambles, he exaggerates, and he makes incredibly outdated references to long-dead celebrities. Perhaps appropriately, even several of his "current" references were already outdated within a week of the book's release: his firing as the Aflac duck and the death of Osama bin Laden give several jokes an instant nostalgic flavor.

I hesitate to say anything directly about the book, because I don't want to spoil any of the great jokes. I will say that many of the most bizarre and most hilarious bits involve Gilbert's long, involved pontifications about his masturbatory habits. In particular, a diatribe about newsprint and a story about a killer whale really have to be read to be believed. This book was probably the most I have laughed aloud at the printed word since discovering Douglas Adams' HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE trilogy at age 12, fifteen years ago.

To Gottfried, comedy is an art. In the final chapter of the book, he recounts his infamous Hefner Roast appearance. After he told a totally inappropriate WTC joke just weeks after 9/11, someone screamed out, "Too soon!" Gilbert claims that his first reaction was to assume that he hadn't paused long enough before the punchline--he had said it "too soon." Out of all the wild facts presented in the book, I think I believe that one the most. In Gilbert Gottfried's mind, it's not offensive to joke about tragedy. The only thing he could find objectionable is a poorly-timed punchline. For all his claims about being in it for the money, the facts say otherwise: Gilbert Gottfried has worked his entire career to isolate 80% of his audience, and make the other 20% of us laugh harder than we ever realized we could. For that 20%, this book is like scripture, handed down by a comedy god. Read more ›

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Damn you, Gilbert!! May 13, 2011

By Dave Edison

Format:Hardcover

I'm a busy man...places to go, people to see, rejection to get...so the only time I really have to relax with a book is at the end of the day in bed. But that doesn't work with Gilbert's book because the laughter is keeping my wife awake. Of course I could get the audio book & listen in the car, but that would probably cause a wreck. Thanks a lot, Gil! You're nothing but trouble.

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Gilbert's funny. The book is too. May 1, 2011

By Max Brallier

Format:Hardcover

Lots of funny stories (the one with Harrison Ford backstage at a talkshow killed me) and tons of good jokes you can use on your friends. Plus you get to see a new side of Gilbert - but not in a boring, mushy way. Good book.

5.0 out of 5 stars Great purchase May 16, 2013

By Donna L. Lavella

Format:Hardcover

it was purchased as a gift for someone who is a big fan of Gilbert Gottfried. He was really pleased with the book.

1.0 out of 5 stars Nasty March 16, 2013

By LaVonne

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I don't find humor in this author's writing. His vulgar language and subject matter are not funny or interesting in any way. Maybe he's trying for shock value, but it's an extremely poor example of writing in my opinion.

1.0 out of 5 stars I like his comedy but hated his book March 5, 2013

By Scuba1

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

As a comic, I like Gilbert and find him funny - really like him on the "Roasts" too - but I did not like the book at all - told you very little about him; and I could not find the "story" - looks like he wrote it as the thing to do - did not like the book at all, but I did finish it.

3.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing, but a few gem chapters December 21, 2011

By Marvin C.

Format:Hardcover

I'm a big fan of Gilbert Gottfried's comedy but I was somewhat disappointed with the book. The first part of the book is filled with stories of his early childhood and career that are meant to be funny but may just bring a slight chuckle here and there. Unfortunately, you can't even tell if the stories are true - he states early in the book that some of the stories are made up. Upon reading that I almost decided to put the book aside. However, being the fan that I am, I worked my way through the book - and I'm glad I did. The last third of the book is actually quite good and amusing. It addresses his time of illness when his appendix burst. In addition the stories of his appearances at the Hugh Hefner Roast and Hollywood squares are quite entertaining.