Customer Reviews

The Russian Word for Snow : A True Story of Adoption

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

As an adoptive father of a Russian boy, I had mixed feelings about this book. Ms. Newman has a wonderful way of painting scenes with words; some of those scenes truly touched me and brought back memories of my wife's and my own adoption experience.

However, if you're looking for a "how to" book on Russian adoption, or even a reason to support same, don't look here. Ms. Newman's lack of homework, her obvious disdain for Russia and its people, and her eagerness to leave the country left a very bitter taste in my mouth.

I was horrified to see the crass way in which she refers to the many people she met on her journey. I almost wonder why she bothered to write the book. My 3-star rating = 4 for her writing style, - 1 for the disservice her book (and the attention it has received) does to Russian adoption.

As a single adoptive mother of a baby girl from Russia I found the author's experience in stark contrast to my own in Russia in the spring of 2000. What the book jacket promised as a story "told with humor and grace" in actuality read like a bitter, close-minded story of two people who weren't open to the experience of their son's homeland and the different and interesting ways of its people. There was only sarcastic humor, based on cultural differences that the author seemed uninterested in tolerating or understanding. There is always grace in the making of a family, but precious little of it in this book. Do not rely on this book to be a guide on Russian adoption. Ms. Newman's experience is not at all common to what I and my adoptive parent friends encountered. Enjoy the book for its vibrant descriptions and for the story of this particular family that had to endure difficulty to find each other. Affiliate yourself with a reputable agency and proceed on a happy and open-minded journey to bring home your child.

but I can't say that I learned too much from this book other than how not to proceed with an international adoption. She seemed to have approached the adoption from a purely emotional standpoint, with very little objectivity. She and her husband were the worst guests in a foreign country that I've read about in awhile, and I truly hope that their son is not suffering the effects of his parents' self-centeredness.

All of that said, I give this book three stars for its great writing style; it really was a good read. Also, this is one of the only books on the market dealing specifically with Russian adoption, and I appreciate the author's attempt to fill some of that void. If you are interested in reading one of the best books I've read on contemporary Russia, post-Soviet era, read The Fire Escape is Locked for Your Safety by Molly Baier. It's an American lawyer's account of her trip across Russia, from the Ukraine to Vladivostok, and includes some hilarious interviews with different Russians.

I agree with other posters that while this book is a gripping read, written with a cool, flowing style, and tells a powerfully compelling story, it is fundamentally flawed as it is the story of a woman who is unappealing in so many ways. Launching herself on the goal of motherhood after 40 years of insisting she didn't want kids, in the wake of her mother's death (the mother also sounds like a piece of work), this author is clearly working out her own psychological problems. She drags her wonderfully supportive husband through the emotional roller coaster as she considers IVF, only to fling herself into a situation where she is working with people one step up from incompetant to adopt a baby whose appeal to her is clearly rooted in the fact that he looks like her and her husband. I was thoroughly irritated by her and her issues.

The story, though, is compelling and gripping (although I find myself rooting for the narrator more to benefit the baby and the husband than her) and the writing is easy to read. I went through the whole book in one sitting in 2.5 hours.

I give it 4 stars for the story and the read. If this was fiction, I would have given it less because the main character was so unappealing.

Unfortunately, I am forced to agree with the not-so-complimentary reviews this book has produced so far. This couple's lack of preparation and research about the multitude of issues involved with international adoption, and their "ugly-American" approach to dealing with their Russian facilitators is largely to blame for their difficult experiences. There are four things that shocked me about their approach. First, they did not appear to research the background of their facilitator, nor have any idea that an experienced, ethical, and accredited agency could have eliminated the large majority of their problems. Second, they did not appear to have any understanding about the psychology of institutionalized children, and so were completely unprepared when Alex was terrified of bathwater or would not feed himself pieces of banana. The author's frustration at Alex's behavior led her to say to him: "Its just banana, for chrissake!" Not very helpful for a terrified, developmentally delayed child who has just been removed from the only environment he has ever known. Third, they appeared to have no cultural sensitivity whatsoever to the daily difficulties that Russians face -- things that most of us in this country can barely imagine. "I hate this country (Russia) and I hate the people," says the author. While her frustration with the delays with getting Alex are totally understandable, her lack of respect or understanding for another culture is appalling, particularly given the fact that she is creating an international family. Fourth, this couple actually considered kidnapping Alex and trying to illegally smuggle him over the border to Finland. Clearly they had no idea that they would never be able to get him into the US without the correct Russian paperwork. Again, they had not done their homework. And did they ever consider the effect such an action could have on FUTURE families who wanted to adopt?

This story has a happy ending because Alex now has a loving, committed family. But I can only hope that any problems that Alex might face in the future due to his early institutionalization will be dealt with more carefully than his adoption was.

Newman sets a good example of how not to proceed with an international adoption. No background checks of the agency, no research done, impetuous trip, demanding and complaining...pretty much the ugly American.

Unfortunately, I am forced to agree with the not-so-complimentary reviews this book has produced so far. This couple's lack of preparation and research about the multitude of issues involved with international adoption, and their "ugly-American" approach to dealing with their Russian facilitators is largely to blame for their difficult experiences. There are four things that shocked me about their approach. First, they did not appear to research the background of their facilitator, nor have any idea that an experienced, ethical, and accredited agency could have eliminated the large majority of their problems. Second, they did not appear to have any understanding about the psychology of institutionalized children, and so were completely unprepared when Alex was terrified of bathwater or would not feed himself pieces of banana. The author's frustration at Alex's behavior led her to say to him: "Its just banana, for chrissake!" Not very helpful for a terrified, developmentally delayed child who has just been removed from the only environment he has ever known. Third, they appeared to have no cultural sensitivity whatsoever to the daily difficulties that Russians face -- things that most of us in this country can barely imagine. "I hate this country (Russia) and I hate the people," says the author. While her frustration with the delays with getting Alex are totally understandable, her lack of respect or understanding for another culture is appalling, particularly given the fact that she is creating an international family. Fourth, this couple actually considered kidnapping Alex and trying to illegally smuggle him over the border to Finland. Clearly they had no idea that they would never be able to get him into the US without the correct Russian paperwork. Again, they had not done their homework. And did they ever consider the effect such an action could have on FUTURE families who wanted to adopt?

This story has a happy ending because Alex now has a loving, committed family. But I can only hope that any problems that Alex might face in the future due to his early institutionalization will be dealt with more carefully than his adoption was.

I found this book to be a compelling account of a woman's adoption of a Russian baby, told from the perspective of someone who started out never wanting to have a child and who gradually became a woman who passionately wanted to be a mother. The first section of this book is really a memoir of her transformation, one which was propelled into high gear when her mother died. She starts to yearn for family, become aware that there is more tho life than her career and even a marriage. Then there is a section which many families struggling with infertility will identify with - from an early pregnancy which results in a tubal pregnancy and miscarriage to unsuccessful (and costly) bouts of invitro fertilization, all written with often heartbreaking candor. Only gradually does adoption seem like a possible choice. The couple is still seeing fertility experts, in fact, when they attend an adoption seminar and fall in love with a little boy in a video. Speaking as someone who has adopted an older child from overseas, I was glad to see a book on adoption which did NOT gloss over the risks, as well as the rewards, of international adoption. For instance, after seeing an early video of her son-to-be, the author is warned that he might be "serverely delayed" by some well-meaning friends, putting the adoption into crisis until a doctor looks at the video and offers some reassurance. Be assured this book does hava a happy ending, closing with a look at her young, happy and healthy son and his life today. While other reviewers have criticized this author for disparaging Russia and Russians, I think it is to her credit that she portrayed her adoption saga from her own viewpoint and didn't flinch from honesty. The reality is that there CAN be delays and unexpected setbacks when adopting internationally. Ther reality is that many children DO have health issues or at least temporary developmental delays. The reality is that some Americans are thrown by life in Russia and have difficulty understanding the customs of that country. I am glad this author described her experience from a very personal viewpoint. Others may have a different experience and I hope that more books on overseas adoption are written, each as unique as the child who was adopted - and the families who adopted that child.

Unfortunately, I am forced to agree with the not-so-complimentary reviews this book has produced so far. This couple's lack of preparation and research about the multitude of issues involved with international adoption, and their "ugly-American" approach to dealing with their Russian facilitators is largely to blame for their difficult experiences. There are four things that shocked me about their approach. First, they did not appear to research the background of their facilitator, nor have any idea that an experienced, ethical, and accredited agency could have eliminated the large majority of their problems. Second, they did not appear to have any understanding about the psychology of institutionalized children, and so were completely unprepared when Alex was terrified of bathwater or would not feed himself pieces of banana. The author's frustration at Alex's behavior led her to say to him: "Its just banana, for chrissake!" Not very helpful for a terrified, developmentally delayed child who has just been removed from the only environment he has ever known. Third, they appeared to have no cultural sensitivity whatsoever to the daily difficulties that Russians face -- things that most of us in this country can barely imagine. "I hate this country (Russia) and I hate the people," says the author. While her frustration with the delays with getting Alex are totally understandable, her lack of respect or understanding for another culture is appalling, particularly given the fact that she is creating an international family. Fourth, this couple actually considered kidnapping Alex and trying to illegally smuggle him over the border to Finland. Clearly they had no idea that they would never be able to get him into the US without the correct Russian paperwork. Again, they had not done their homework. And did they ever consider the effect such an action could have on FUTURE families who wanted to adopt?

This story has a happy ending because Alex now has a loving, committed family. But I can only hope that any problems that Alex might face in the future due to his early institutionalization will be dealt with more carefully than his adoption was.

Ms. Newman is a very skilled writer, and the story told in this book makes compelling reading. I am, however, put off by the negative way in which she portrays virtually everyone she deals with in the process of adoption. And I wish she had explored the cultural or political conditions that produce a surplus of adoptable children in Russia. For a sweeter, although not saccharine, story about Russian adoption, I would recommend Adopting Alyosha by R. Klose. Mr. Klose may not be the writer that Ms. Cooke is, but he is clever, and even though he ran into his share of jerks, the humanity comes through in his book in a way that it does not in Ms. Newman's.