Customer Reviews

SURVIVING THE DEATH OF A SIBLING: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies

5 star:		(30)
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3 star:		(1)
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When I first read this book my own brother and only sibling had been dead for many years. During the course of those years I had read every grief book I could find, yet not one spoke directly to me or my situation like Dr. Wray's book. As I read her book I was amazed at how her feelings following the death of her brother so paralleled my own feelings following the death of my brother. Losing a sibling is one of life's greatest, and often, unrecognized losses. Although nothing can take away the sadness and the sense of unfairness that we feel when our brother or sister dies, Dr. Wray's words help us to understand that we are not alone in our sorrow. Comfort comes from the knowledge that others share our pain, and as the book conveys, we, as surviving siblings are forever connected. Dr. Wray truly captures the essence of sibling loss and provides a framework for the stages of grief that a bereaved person typically goes through after the death of a loved one. I was captivated by the experiences of other surviving siblings whose stories are so beautifully woven by Dr. Wray throughout the book. Each chapter ends with a "What Helps" section containing many straightforward and practical suggestions for coping with grief. There is an excellent resource list at the end of the book. In addition to recommending the book to other bereaved siblings, I have also recommended it to anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. This book will be a treasure to all those who are suffering through grief!

I lost my 26-year-old little brother suddenly 2-21-05. Sick with saddness I was searching and searching for online help. I found this book through Wray's website. It is so helpful. I cry everyday, but now I know others weep too. It has eased me into my new life. Josh is not just a memory...he is my brother. My new life isn't filled with the joy he brought, but it is laced with the times we shared. If you have lost a brother or sister...you need this book...you really do.

This is a must read for everyone! Although I have not lost a sibling, I happened upon this book after my cousin died. Through her own story, Dr. Wray helped me to understand what her sisters were going through and how I could help support them in their own personal loss. I keep a few copies at hand to give to friends and acquaintances that have lost siblings. Time after time, I am thanked for having recognized and validated their pain. And time after time the response I receive from those who have read the book is "FINALLY someone understands what I am experiencing." Dr. Wray's book has not only helped me to become a more empathetic person, it has given comfort and guidance to those suffering a tremendous loss.

Thank heavens I found TJ Wray's website and that it brought me to her book.

After the loss of my 29 year old brother to cancer, I did the best I could to "deal with it". I was fortunate to have support, many do not. Unfortunately, when I started to feel more depressed about his death 2 years after, I was concerned that I was slipping into a clinical depression. The more I worried that I was "losing it", the sadder I became.

Ms. Wray's observations about her own loss helped me to realize that my feelings were not unique. I was not going crazy and it allowed me the time to work through them. Grief sometimes comes in waves and this book is like a boat on top of those waves....you can still feel the rocking motion, but you no longer feel like you are drowning.

This is an unbelievable book - I literally cried from the beginning to the end. The first-hand accounts from other people who have lost a sibling were heartfelt and their stories were all familiar. It was so helpful to hear that other people had similar experiences, especially one's that I thought only I had (for example, going to the doctor atleast 6 times in the months after my brother died for even the littlest thing). I would recommend this book to anyone - I'm even asking my husband to read it so that he can better understand what I went through. A DEFINITE MUST-READ FOR THOSE SUFFERING FROM THE DEATH OF AN ADULT SIBLING!

T.J.Wray's book helped me in ways I couldn't begin to imagine. I had lost my brother in 1998, and felt I had no one to talk to who really understood what I was going through. I have a younger brother that I adore, but, he holds so much in, and always has, so I knew he wouldn't want to really have a deep discussion about our loss. I had one friend that I could talk to, but, she was going through her own battle with leukemia so I tried not to burden her anymore than possible. She was exceptionally kind, though, and I really don't know what I would have done without her. My father had already passed away, and my mother was dealing with the pain of her own loss. She was also ill at the time. I really felt quite alone.

Reading T.J.'s book, though, gave me hope. Had it not been for her straight forward, honest, down to earth writing, I might still be finding myself down in that dark hole. After reading what she had been through herself with the loss of her own brother, and the advice that she shared with us, as readers, I did begin to find solace. Thank goodness someone came forward to write about this overlooked issue of sibling grief. I purchased the book for a friend of mine who lost her brother last year. I haven't heard from her, but, I'm hoping in my heart that she took the time to read this excellent work by T.J.Wray. God Bless people like T.J. who take the time to help others by sharing what they, themselves, have been through so we don't feel so alone.

This book is outstanding in two ways: the first is that it offers concrete, practical advice on surviving the loss of a loved one in such an organized way that I, in the wake of losing my oldest sister, have clung to it as one would to a diet or exercise manual. The author's writing style is warm and personal yet direct and concise. I felt as if I knew her, as if she were counseling me and comforting me personally. The steps she advises in surviving grief are applicable to any loss of a loved one.
But the second stroke of genius in this book is that the author DOES specifically address the loss of an adult sibling. She labels this a "disenfranchised loss", one that is not recognized as a major loss by society and thus makes the griever feel confused or guilty by his or her inability to recover from the sibling's death. She adds the story of her own journey of grief over her brother's death to those of dozens of others who have lost siblings. I felt so comforted knowing that the pain I was in (and still am) is normal and should be recognized as something that will not pass quickly. I found myself saying, "That's just how I feel!" over and over. I am so glad that I bought this book, and I know that I will keep referring to it for a long time. I plan to buy a copy for three of my friends that have lost adult siblings, and I know that it is the greatest gift that I can give them.

I live far away from my family and had no one to share my grief with when my sister died. After reading this book I no longer felt so alone with my pain. It felt like the author took my hand and helped me understand all that I was feeling. Each page was a hug. The writing style is warm and conversational and the content is amazingly pertinent to every nuance of feeling. I wish this book had been available when I experienced the loss.

This is a beautiful book, written by an expert in the field--Dr. Wray's experience with helping others move through their grief and begin to heal is punctuated by her own personal story of the loss of her brother.
It was helpful to me to know how to respond when a friend's sibling dies. It's also been a great gift and I recommend it often.

On March 17, 2004 my younger and only sibling, lost her battle with the most vile, aggressive, and nasty cancer in medical books. I was her primary caregiver and we had made a pledge when she was diagnosed in June 2003 that we WOULD BEAT THIS. Through 5 rounds of chemotherapy, radiation, and even surgery, her doctors fought to save her life but her oncologist had also told us from the beginning that unless he could get her cancer under "control" - not remission - that she would get very sick, very fast. And she did.

The morning my sister passed away I was with her and two of her treatment nurses came in the hospital room to offer condolences. Both also were sobbing, as the bond between my sister, me and the medical staff can, and DID become extremely close and intense. "Joan" insisted that *I* read Ms. Wray's book and also insisted that she, herself, would purchase it for me. She brought it to me during my sister's wake and I have been reading it for the last 3 weeks. It has been such a comfort.......Ms. Wray speaks as if she were in my home with me...... and most of all what Ms. Wray and every other person who has experienced an adult sibling loss is mentioned in this book say is exactly what I am now feeling. I also know what is to come, and yes, I HAVE been pushed aside as the grief of my elderly parents and my sister's only daughter seems more important to others than my grief as a sibling.

Not so, with Ms. Wray, and I highly recommend this book to any surviving sibling. It is getting me through and while I know I have a long and lonely way to go, with Ms. Wray's help and those who also told of their own stories in Ms. Wray's book, I know I will.