Customer Reviews

Sacred Cows

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4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

The title of this album refers to a Mark Twain quote: "Sacred cows make the best hamburger." Here, the Swirling Eddies serve up a platter of ten burgers--not hamburgers, but cheeseburgers. They've taken songs (from the mid-80's to mid-90's) that are beloved by some segment of the fans of Christian rock music, but are at least a little bit cheesy, and made them way, way cheesier. It's good musicians playing deliberately bad music.

It is my distinct impression that what the Swirling Eddies are doing here is amusing themselves. Whether the listener is also amused will depend on how closely that listener's sense of humor aligns with the Eddies'. Upon giving this disc a listen, you may find yourself grinning wildly, or with your jaw dropped open in shock, or wincing and covering your ears, or just bored by the whole thing.

Personally, I don't play this disc very often (and some of its tracks are more listenable than others), but the fact that it exists makes me happy, and I'm glad I own a copy.

For a long time people asked the strange question "Who is the Christian Weird Al?" which implied that a) Al was not a Christian and b) CCM needed someone to make song parodies. Unfortunately CCM songs seem to have the shelf life of a carton of milk, and every attempt to parody CCM has been either cute-but-tame (Mark Lowry) or unlistenably humorless (Apologetix). This doesn't keep the Eddies from trying and being dead-on more often than not.

Much of the humor relies on the fact that CCM, and by extension CCM radio, tended to put out a lot of "youth music" in the early 80s-mid 90s that could only be enjoyed by those immersed in the subculture and unexposed to the trends around them. A lot of moralizing and us-vs-them talking was popular at the time, and it shows in the songs that The Swirling Eddies picked on. It was music for the parent to be comfortable giving their kids. Even their slam at Audio Adrenaline's rip-off of the Spin Doctors had to be masked.

Not only were these songs picked on, the music was mocked endlessly: If Whiteheart was known for musical precision in the 80s, the Eddies slopped through it. If Terry couldn't sing as high as Michael Sweet, he could speed up his voice enough to sound like a chipmunk. If Carman took his "Tough Guy for Jesus" act a little too seriously, The Eddies gave him a lisp. If DC Talk's "I Love Rap Music" was already pretty un-hip, they'd take it even farther and make it a lounge song with someone singing "I Love Black Music" just to belabor the point.

Anyway, if you have friends of a certain age, find a copy and slip it in when they're not paying attention. At the very least "Baby, Baby" and "Big House" should be hits. Others will remind you of those Weird Al albums from years past where you have no idea what he's parodying (and the chances anyone remembers "Alcatraz" or "Not For Me" are low), but you'll laugh anyway because of the silliness.

You either have a sense of humor as a listener to Christian rock music, or you don't. For those who've had a humorectomy, pass this one by. But if you love a good laugh, and love to laugh over and over (as I do whenever I listen to this CD) then buy it. These guys are such good musicians, and so good in the studio that I find new levels of humor and spoofishness almost every time I listen, kind of like a musical Firesign Theater.

I never thought I could rate anything from any of Terry Scott Taylor's bands or his solo work with only 1 star, but in this case, I think that's giving it the benefit of the doubt! This is as bad as their other stuff is good. Don't bother to read any farther unless you actually plan to buy the album - you'll likely change your mind by the end of this review.

My guess is that this album was the band's attempt to make fun of what they considered especially trite Christian pop songs (crossover attempts?) by performing them in an extremely unflattering way. In this, at least, they succeed. For one song, it might work as a pretty funny joke, but for a whole album, it's barely listenable. Or was this maybe the final album of a contractual obligation for Star Song, and a quick way to get out of it? I'm really surprised that Star Song was willing to put this out.

The whole thing needs to be taken very tongue-in-cheek, including the liner note explanation for the album:

A special message from Camarillo Eddy and the Swirling Eddies:
As you may or may not know, the original Eddies were shipwrecked and lost at sea in 1993 (the year of the Cow). During our much bewailed absence, a group of imposters, posing as the Eddies, recorded an album named "Zippity Do Daddy," or something like that. Now the real Eddies have returned and in our first major attempt to crossover into mainstream Contemporary Christian Music we have recorded the ten best "CCM" songs that have really helped us. We cannot begin to duplicate the original, stunning, recorded masterpieces but we have given it our best shot and pray that the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. It is our hope that we have not offended the original artists, but have paid them, in our own small and humble way, genuine homage and have given them the encouragement, they all need to go forth, rock the flock, and cause the devil's horns to lock!

Next to this message is a photo of Terry looking like he's supposed to be a Romanian (or some other East European nationality) woman with a head scarf, but also with moustache and goatee. Also in the liner notes, "The Eddies would like to especially thank Ruth Buzzi," and there's a quote from Mark Twain - "Sacred Cows make the best hamburger."

The ten songs are:

God Good, Devil Bad (DeGarmo & Key) - The instrumentation sounds like a bad polka / oompah band, and the singing sounds like a really bad Scandinavian accent with variation between monotone singing and melodrama thrown in. The end degenerates into a rant / rave / chant, rapidly and incessantly repeating God Good, Devil Bad, very, very, very, very... etc., ad nauseum.

Baby Baby (Amy Grant) - Though the instrumentation on this one is acceptable, the singing voices are horrible. Have you ever seen someone stick their stomach way out and scrunch up their neck, pretending to be fat, talking in a really deep "fat" voice? Well this is a duet between a "fat" male voice and another voice that sounds like a female impersonator immitating Edith Bunker. There are a couple of cute spots where musical lines from other songs are thrown in.

Satan, Bite the Dust (Carman) - This one is done with an extreme speech impediment (a lispy, spitty S slurred / lisped between the back teeth), very annoying, and difficult to even understand much of the time. A couple lines of the Bonanza Theme and "Hiyo Silver, Away!" find their way into the song. Instrumentation is also fairly annoying guitars, not usually accompanying the lyrics very well.

Not For Me (Kim Boyce) - Abruptly changes from synthesizer to grinding guitar after a few lines. Kind of weird to have a male singing, "He's not for me" - it was a little more convincing from Kim Boyce in the original. The backing doo-wop-type vocals are males using "unpretty" falsetto voices. The song cuts off abruptly, none to soon.

I Luv Rap Music (DC Talk) - Done in "lounge lizard" fashion, using all of about 3 notes and spoken word. This sounds like the singer made up the "tune" as he went, sounding very full of himself, ad libbing lots of extra words wherever he can fit them in. There's even a bit of bad scat singing near the end - it honestly reminds me of Liza Minelli singing what she would intend to be a good performance, therefore proving how bad it is.

Convertibles (White Heart) - Barely enunciated, mumbled lyrics, atonal or off-key throughout, screechy falsetto backing vocals at the end. Decent instrumentation.

I Use the J Word (DeGarmo & Key) - The only halfway decent performance on the album, but only halfway.

Alcatraz (Al Denson) - The instrumentation is way too busy and bouncy, singing sounds very half-hearted, though the ending is a bit humorous.

Big House (Audio Adrenaline) - The "singing" (actually closer to spoken word most of the time) sounds like a mix between Truman Capote and a cartoon dog I saw once - some bassett hound or something with a really goofy voice everyone would recognize. Part of the time, it also sounds like the singing is going through an echo chamber.

Sing A Long Song (Stryper) - Wasn't the original called the Sing-Along Song? This one has guitars that are way too low and dirge-like, while the voices sound kind of like The Chipmunks, but not as attractive (and I hate The Chipmunks to begin with). Blaring horns meander through the second half of the song.

This album will certainly never win the band any new fans - what WERE they thinking?!?

Revised note (2009) - Though this review has gotten only 1 out of 6 helpful votes, I stand by what I've said. Before rating it as unhelpful, you need to at least listen to the album twice from beginning to end, maybe even play it for a few friends (if you're not too embarrassed) and get their feedback. Anyone doing that will have a much more difficult time rating this review as unhelpful. Not to say that these guys don't have musical talent - it just doesn't show up here.