Customer Reviews

Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy

5 star:		(122)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

Admittedly, I haven't read every marriage book ever written, so the title of this review is probably overstating the case. However, I have read a number of marriage books (including some more popular ones like "The Five Love Languages" and "Fit To Be Tied," which are also solid and worth reading), and this is the cream of the crop.

The overarching theme of the book is explicated clearly in its subtitle, that marriage is primarily a means of God drawing us to holiness rather than an instrument used to bring about our own happiness. This concept seems to cast a somewhat melancholy vision for marriage as a medium for unhappy relationships, and many of the other folks with whom we read the book were initially disheartened by that premise. However, after giving Thomas some time to flesh out this idea, they came around to appreciate the heart of his message.

What I love most about "Sacred Marriage" is the concept of marriage as a spiritual discipline. Just like Richard Foster in "Celebration of Discipline" is able to turn the most traditional spiritual disciplines like fasting and study into something desirable and appealing, Thomas casts a vision of marriage that just draws me to an almost feverish pitch of anticipation. From Thomas' perspective, God can and will (if I am open to His work) use my marriage as one of the primary means of drawing me to Himself. And that has nothing to do with the circumstances of my marriage at any given time or the particular ways that my wife treats me. When we open ourselves to this new perspective, our marriages have the opportunity to be totally transformational. What an exciting prospect!!!

Another part of this book that was most appealing to me was the author's interest in drawing wisdom from many centuries of church teaching about marriage and relationships. He balanced this admiration for the church fathers with the ability to critique the components of historical church teachings that warrant criticism (like the notion that the truly holy person must be single). It is a very rare author, indeed, who can make Augustine and Clement come alive in ways that really instruct and minister to us.

Ultimately, I would recommend this book to anyone who is married, has been married, or will eventually consider marriage. I first read it a few years ago when I was engaged, and it totally transformed my perspective of marriage as I entered that divine institution. Several years later, it speaks into my life again, and I truly do hope to live out God's calling toward a "sacred marriage."

God made marriage to make us holy, not to make us happy. In his compelling style, Gary Thomas consistently communicates that one marriage-altering message.

As a marriage counselor, seminary professor, and writer of books on the spiritual life, I find far too many Christian books on marriage shallow, surface, and simple. Their solution-focused answers to self-centered questions often do more harm than good as they create more self-sufficient, self-centered sinners.

"Sacred Marriage" does a 180, putting the sacredness back in marriage. God intended marital love to mirror the love relationship between Christ and the Church. Further, God intends our marriages to be a spiritual discipline of spiritual friendship encouraging one another toward communion with Christ and conformity to Christ.

In the able hands and from the artful pen of Thomas, couples learn the most fulfilling message about marriage--together you have the capacity for sacredness, for a God-honoring, other-empowering, self-sacrificing purpose that brings joy now and impact forever.

Reviewer: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., is the author of "Soul Physicians," "Spiritual Friends," and "Beyond the Suffering: Embracing the Legacy of African American Soul Care and Spiritual Direction."

This book changed my life and literally saved my marriage. I had divorce papers on my desk filled out and ready to take to the courthouse, then this book fell in my lap. Gary is truly a God send. Honestly, I thought at first that his wife must have written the book and signed his name to it because I have NEVER read a book by a man that had such insight about women. There is not enough space in this little box to describe how this book has changed my life and the way I view marriage completely. It should be REQUIRED READING for any man who dares to utter the words "Will you marry me?" Incredible, Awesome, Fantastic book. For me it was sent straight from from the throne of God. I knew this when I opened to the 3rd page and cried my eyes out. It said "For Lisa" I can't rave enough about this book. Get it! Get copies for all of your family and friends. Hand it out on street corners. The divorce rate in this country will be cut in half!! It's AWESOME!! A "must read" for all married Christians. Thank you Gary and thank you God for making Gary.

I cannot begin to praise this book by Gary Thomas enough. As a minister, I officiate a lot of weddings and I can say without hesitation that I will strongly recommend this book to every couple I have contact with. SACRED MARRIEGE poses the question, "What if God designed marriage to make us Holy more than to make us happy?" Thomas then goes on to deftly and succinctly illustrate how marriage is intended to take us to levels of spirituality most people will never conceive of.

Thomas breaks down many of the societal enigmas placed upon marriage. For example, throughout history, various religious doctrines have driven a massive and impenetrable wedge between spirituality and sexuality. Abstinence is believed by many, still today, to be the only true way to achieve maximum spirituality with God. Thomas accurately and completely destroys such apostasy by illustrating how marital sexuality can and should in fact, draw both partners deeper into their relationship with God.

This book is also laden with practical examples that will make all husbands and wives ask simple questions that will immediately influence how they treat or react to their spouses. For example, in a section on cultivating gratitude, Thomas states, "I never eat at somebody's house without thanking them for providing a meal; why should I not give my wife the same thanks I'd give someone else?" A simple question which should provide a profound and immediate self-examination.

There is also an adequate Notes section and also a very interesting section of questions for discussion and reflection. I believe this section, in and of itself, would make this a fantastic guide for young couples to help set the direction of their marriage and help initiate a habitual and constant inclusion of God in the marriage.

I have read a lot of books on building and maintaining a successful marriage. A few of them have been extremely good; many have simply been cookie cutters of countless others. A few I would recommend; many, not so much. Without question, I give SACRED MARRIAGE by Gary Thomas my highest recommendation. This is a guidebook or user's manual, if you will, that will benefit all married couples, but this is essential reading for Christians seeking to take their marriage to its' highest level.

Pastor Monty Rainey

This is by far the best marriage book I have ever read. (and I have read quite a few) He uses the Bible as the backbone to the entire book. His main focus is on marriage for our holiness, not happiness. This point transforms your thinking. It has taken me from a "me-centered" marriage, to a God-centered marriage. Marriage, biblically is to be a reflection of Christ and the Church and Thomas explains what this looks like in a Christians marriage. We recommend it to the couples we counsel and all our friends!

My wife and I read two books when we went through counseling with our pastor. I particularly found them almost useless. After we got married, I especially wanted some more practical guidance during the tremendous process of change that takes place immediately after marriage. My view of many things concerning marriage was skewed, badly. I searched for a book because it was the most convenient form of advice I'd take. I bought this book and have been most rewarded for doing so. Thomas is evangelical (a scary idea to me) but he cites many theologians from across church history to help convey his ideas and message. His anecdotes are quite absorbing yet short enough to appreciate how they relate to my own situation. My situation was mostly in terms of ideas, i.e., the ideas I had about marriage. Thomas has done much to correct them and put marriage in proper light. He doesn't try to be your friend and sound odd doing so, but he wants his readers to know how marriage is of God and used by God. As he says, marriage is not about making us happy but making us holy. Though at first this sounded way too evangelical for me, Thomas is not pietistic in his approach to marriage. He's quite realistic and grounded. The questions were very helpful as my wife and I used them as part of our reading of the book. We're not even finished with the book but we're already reaping its benefits. If you're looking for a book that will actually help you in your marriage (I'm speaking as a newly wed and this may pertain more to this demographic), then investing in this book will meet your expectations.

More than any other book so far, this one has changed me within the context of my marriage. This is not a book about how to have a better marriage - it is about how to build a better you using your marriage. Gary Thomas talks about all of the different ways God forms our character in our marriage, even when it is a one-sided act and how this process draws us closer to him. Everyone that is married knows that marriage does not always makes us happy. After going through this, I am finding more and more about how God is changing me though my wife. I have learned to serve better, listen better, etc and to do so expecting holiness as a result and a closer walk with God. If my wife reciprocates, that is secondary - the main focus is to draw closer to God.

This book will transform your perspective on marriage. I recommend it highly!

I have read multiple books on marriage, attended multiple seminars, taught on the subject, even got radical and went out and got married myself 15 years ago(still am!), but this is the most thought provoking and deep material I have ever been exposed to about marriage. What would happen if you considered God's main purpose of marriage was to draw you closer to Him, maybe even seeing marriage as God's primary tool to bring you to Him in this life? Read this book & prepare to see marriage in a radically new way. Highly recommended for people preparing for marriage and in all stages of married life.

My wife and I can't say enough good things about this book. Reading it together dramatically changed the tone of our entire relationship. The whole thing is based on one simple premise, revealed in the subtitle: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Thomas backs up his premise not only with scripture, but with ample research from classic, historical Christian authors.

As believers, we are not our own; we are bought with a price. Our purpose in this life is to serve God with our whole heart, to love Him. Seeking pleasure and fulfillment in relationships apart from him is not just selfish, it's futile.

This book is the most balanced marriage book I've ever seen. It's not a "his fault/her fault" type of book. Although some chapters tend to favor working with one spouse over the other, both sides come out even.

We've handed out these books like candy, and seen God move in people's lives and marriages as they use its wisdom to hold themselves accountable to what God requires of each of us individually. We worked through Sacred Marriage with a small Christian study group over the course of a few months, and saw great strides in everyone's lives. You have to focus yourself as you read, and acknowledge that the Holy Spirit is trying to speak to YOU, and not give you ammunition to throw at your spouse. If you read it with your spouse in mind, you could easily miss the point.

Even if your marriage is already strong, this book is still simply awesome. Wonderful.

I usually avoid marriage books on every occasion, and this one was no different. However, I did pick it up a number of months ago, and after reading the first few chapters, I put it down, realizing that I needed to read it with my wife. This didn't happen, of course, until about six weeks ago, when we needed some counsel on some trying areas of our marriage. I mentioned that I had this book at work, and when I brought it home, I read it together with my wife, and I'll tell you this...it has changed my thinking.

Gary Thomas doesn't pussy-foot around, and if you're looking for the quick fix, this isn't it, but he brings it down to earth with his own personal stories and reflections, as well as research from many of the classic Christian traditions, as well as folks he's counseled with. Being a marriage counselor himself, he looks at himself first before taking on a challenge, and this book was a tremendous challenge. It is provocative and admirable, and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who is willing to change and begin the journey. Maybe I should give it ten stars instead of five!!!