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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Paperback – October 22, 1996
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The authors devote Chapters 1 through 4 to examining and discussing who unsafe people are and the identifying traits of unsafe people. Chapters 5 through 8 examine the origin of the problem: why one might choose unsafe people to be in relationship with and how to repair this problem. The rest of the book is devoted to learning more about what safe people are and why we need them. The authors offer practical help on successfully meeting and relating to safe people. Overall, the book is designed to help one look both outside and inside oneself. As the authors cite from Matthew 7:5, "First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Cloud and Townsend raise a valuable point in that people tend to look for people to be in relationship with who are "spiritual," "godly, "ambitious," "fund to be with," and so on, and yet, these are not the issues that cause relationships to break apart.Read more ›
The book starts out great, listing for us the personal and interpersonal traits of unsafe people, such as being defensive instead of open to feedback, only apologizing instead of changing their behavior, demanding trust instead of earning it, resisting freedom instead of encouraging it, staying in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals, being a negative rather than a positive influence on us, and being unstable over time instead of being consistent.
The book then goes on to analyze what it is about us that attracts and is attracted to, unsafe people. It also describes the characteristics of safe people and tells us why we need safe people. So far so good. But then we start to lose it.
There is a chapter on "False Solutions" to our problem of becoming involved with unsafe people- they include "Doing the same", "Doing the opposite", "Doing Too Much", "Doing Nothing", "Doing for Others", "Doing Without", etc.Read more ›
I believe this book was written for our everyday relationships from casual acquaintances to the closer more initimate friendships. I don't believe it was in any way intended to address a physically or mentally abusive marriage and/or the clearcut narrcisists in life, those being a miserable breed of their own and requiring some serious counseling for their severely abused victims.
This book helped me tremendously to take a stand and risk having friends abandoned me when I set my own boundaries based on scripture... where I end, and where you begin, this is who I am and this is how I feel, and what I need. A growing practicing Christian would understand, and benefit tremendously from this book... as not all "Christians" are necessarily safe people.
Again, I don't believe this book was written for overcoming hard-core emotional and/or physical abuse. It was written for those day-to-day friendship relationships that we all have around us and desire to be healthy, growing ones. Anything less can be draining to our spirit and not productive nor rewarding.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Love taking my book with me anywhere I go!! You guys are awesome. Also, the book has lots of great advice and makes you choose people in your life in a different perspective. Read morePublished 1 day ago by Amazon Customer
really makes u see who u are and others aswell.
it helps to understand and improve relationships
Brilliant easy to read book. Essential reading for progressing in life to prevent going round the mountain again in building wrong friendships but choosing people who will build... Read morePublished 4 days ago by Margaret Fraser
Awesome read, very informative and thorough approach to a delicate subjectPublished 5 days ago by denise
3rd purchase of this book so I could give as a gift. This has changed not only my life; but the lives of my friends - Christian and non-Christian both. Read morePublished 15 days ago by Heidi Holden
This is a must read for everyone. Being a safe person and attracting safe people is a life we all want.Published 19 days ago by Britney
Great book for understanding what it means to be a "Safe" person and what ways people are "Un-Safe." Well done Cloud and TownsaendPublished 20 days ago by Gary Clyma