Same Game, Different Rules: How to Get Ahead Without Being a Bully Broad, Ice Queen, or "Ms. Understood" [Hardcover]

Jean Hollands (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 20, 2001

Rise to the top and stay there without becoming a B@#%!

In this groundbreaking book, top executive coach and bestselling author Jean Hollands focuses on a dangerous obstacle that continues to thwart many a talented woman's ambition­­the "Bully Broad" factor. Tough, assertive, authoritative, often intimidating, Bully Broads have been the driving forces behind some of today's most successful companies.

Unfortunately, Holland explains, many successful women are discovering, too late, that those same qualities that propelled them up the corporate ladder can just as easily ruin them in today's relationship-building, teamwork-oriented corporate culture.

Drawing upon her 20 years of experience coaching thousands of executives at many of today's top companies­­including Cisco, Intel, Hewlett-Packard, Sun, and Netscape­­Hollands develops a set of 25 rules that help women pass through, or completely avoid, the Bully Broad stage, without compromising their goals or sacrificing their hard-won power and success.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

You are a smart, ambitious, no-nonsense businesswoman with her eye on the prize­­a two-fisted, go-getter who always gets results. Your superiors openly praise your competence and brains, and you are beloved by your company's clients.

Now for the bad news: those same qualities that, so far, have earned you so many kudos could very well destroy all your chances of future success.

In Same Game Different Rules, top executive coach Jean Hollands addresses a dangerous obstacle that continues to thwart many a talented woman's ambition­­the "Bully Broad" factor. Tough, assertive, authoritative, often intimidating, Bully Broads have been the driving forces behind many of the most sensational success stories of the New Economy. Unfortunately, many of these exceptional women are discovering, too late, that the very qualities that propelled them up the corporate ladder can just as easily ruin them in today's relationship-building, teamwork-oriented corporate culture.

Are you a Bully Broad, or in danger of becoming one? And if so, what can you do about it?

Or are you someone at the mercy of this intimidating woman­­her colleague, her husband, her subordinate, or worse yet, her boss? Discover what you can do to understand this woman and then to confront her with easy-to-use tools.

Writing for women in every career stage, Jean Hollands offers her prescription for getting ahead without being perceived as a Bully Broad, Ice Queen, or Ms. Understood. Drawing upon her twenty years of experience coaching thousands of executives at many of the nation's top shops­­including Cisco Systems, Intel, Hewlett Packard, Wells Fargo, Sun Microsystems, and Netscape­­she identifies the four main types of Bully Broad­­the Sounding-Off Tyrant, the Sarcastic Aggressive, the Selectively Quiet, and the Silent Judge. She provides self-quizzes for determining if you or someone you know is a Bully Broad, or in danger of becoming one, and for gauging the effect that that Bully Broad has on co-workers. Ice Queens are cousins of the Silent Bully, so they are discussed at various points in the book. Hollands develops a set of indispensable rules for playing and winning the game in the new world of work, including:

Don't burn bridges­­ever.
You can't control everything­­perfectionism kills.
Down girl! You don't need to confront at every turn.
You don't own the company­­and it's not your money.
Don't judge­­enjoy!
Listen up until you want to throw up.
Just as importantly, Jean Hollands arms you with proven strategies and a set of powerful tools for integrating your emotions and intellect, channeling your reckless energy more productively, becoming more efficient and less stressed, and working with others to repair damaged relationships at work.

Don't let shaky "people" skills derail your career and undermine all you've worked so hard for. Read Same Game, Different Rules and learn powerful lessons on how to work with difficult people who may scare you or overwhelm you. The final payoff will be methods to achieve your goals and derive more satisfaction from your work and your life without compromising your high standards.

From the Back Cover

You are a smart, ambitious, no-nonsense businesswoman with her eye on the prize­­a two-fisted, go-getter who always gets results. Your superiors openly praise your competence and brains, and you are beloved by your company's clients.

Now for the bad news: those same qualities that, so far, have earned you so many kudos could very well destroy all your chances of future success.

In Same Game Different Rules, top executive coach Jean Hollands addresses a dangerous obstacle that continues to thwart many a talented woman's ambition­­the "Bully Broad" factor. Tough, assertive, authoritative, often intimidating, Bully Broads have been the driving forces behind many of the most sensational success stories of the New Economy. Unfortunately, many of these exceptional women are discovering, too late, that the very qualities that propelled them up the corporate ladder can just as easily ruin them in today's relationship-building, teamwork-oriented corporate culture.

Are you a Bully Broad, or in danger of becoming one? And if so, what can you do about it?

Or are you someone at the mercy of this intimidating woman­­her colleague, her husband, her subordinate, or worse yet, her boss? Discover what you can do to understand this woman and then to confront her with easy-to-use tools.

Writing for women in every career stage, Jean Hollands offers her prescription for getting ahead without being perceived as a Bully Broad, Ice Queen, or Ms. Understood. Drawing upon her twenty years of experience coaching thousands of executives at many of the nation's top shops­­including Cisco Systems, Intel, Hewlett Packard, Wells Fargo, Sun Microsystems, and Netscape­­she identifies the four main types of Bully Broad­­the Sounding-Off Tyrant, the Sarcastic Aggressive, the Selectively Quiet, and the Silent Judge. She provides self-quizzes for determining if you or someone you know is a Bully Broad, or in danger of becoming one, and for gauging the effect that that Bully Broad has on co-workers. Ice Queens are cousins of the Silent Bully, so they are discussed at various points in the book. Hollands develops a set of indispensable rules for playing and winning the game in the new world of work, including:

• Don't burn bridges­­ever.
• You can't control everything­­perfectionism kills.
• Down girl! You don't need to confront at every turn.
• You don't own the company­­and it's not your money.
• Don't judge­­enjoy!
• Listen up until you want to throw up.

Just as importantly, Jean Hollands arms you with proven strategies and a set of powerful tools for integrating your emotions and intellect, channeling your reckless energy more productively, becoming more efficient and less stressed, and working with others to repair damaged relationships at work.

Don't let shaky "people" skills derail your career and undermine all you've worked so hard for. Read Same Game, Different Rules and learn powerful lessons on how to work with difficult people who may scare you or overwhelm you. The final payoff will be methods to achieve your goals and derive more satisfaction from your work and your life without compromising your high standards.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (August 20, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071379673
• ISBN-13: 978-0071379670
• Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.2 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,925,179 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Less Iron Fist, Stiletto Tongue, Sneering Glare, and Iciness, November 6, 2001

By 

Donald Mitchell "Jesus Loves You!" (Thanks for Providing My Reviews over 110,000 Helpful Votes Globally) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 100 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: Same Game, Different Rules: How to Get Ahead Without Being a Bully Broad, Ice Queen, or "Ms. Understood" (Hardcover)

Imagine a woman who is no nonsense, aggressive, bright, extremely capable, hard-working, very focused, and willing to take charge who is the top performer in her organization. Sounds like a future CEO, doesn't she? Jean Hollands predicts that this is a woman who will rise near the top of her organization, but will then hit the glass ceiling so hard she may be shattered. Such women are usually referred for coaching (if they haven't already been fired) to make them less like bullies. "No one likes a bully. Even so, in today's business climate, many men can get away with it. Women almost never can."

Ms. Hollands reports that she knows the type well. "I'm from a long line of Bully Broads." Although that term may sound pejorative, Ms. Hollands reports that everyone knows what it means and it avoids using other "B" words that are more pejorative.

While the men that she coaches are sent for a variety of weaknesses, 95 percent of the women are there to get rid of Bully Broad characteristics.

There are a number of different types of Bully Broads, including Sounding-Off Tyrants (who verbally blow up a lot), Sarcastic Aggressives (who use words to cut others down to the floor), Selectively Quiet but with High Expectations (perfectionists who let their disapproval of others' performance show), and Silent, But Judging (Ms. Understood, and whose reserve and mental point-scoring is seen as disdain or worse). The book has a quiz to help identify if you have any of these problems. Bully Broads seem to be immune to realizing they have a problem until it is too late because they don't measure themselves very much by what others think of them. Basically, these are people with low emotional intelligence, the attribute that most equates to success in typical business situations.

The heart of the book can be found in the cases (usually two per rule) that show how a variety of women in many different kinds of jobs and organizations walked the plank without realizing they had a problem. Each rule then goes on to suggest ways to change (even if you only have the problem slightly), how to deal with a colleague or boss who has these characteristics, and specific suggestions for how to communicate better. Many of the 25 rules will seem obvious, but apparently they aren't to some successful women, such as "Don't Tick Off the President, the CEO, or the Human Resources Person."

I won't list all of the rules (space doesn't permit, and that wouldn't be fair to the author), but let me give you a few examples to help provide a flavor for the book:

"`Listen Up' Until You Are About to Throw Up"

"People Will Sabotage You If They Can't Confront You"

"Beware of Jealousy"

"Don't Burn Bridges -- Ever"

"Soft Sell Is the Best Sell"

"Remember: It's Not Your Money"

"Avoid All or Nothing Thinking"

"You Are Not Joan of Arc."

The messages are strong, because many women who need them apparently are in denial. For example, I was fascinated by one story about a woman who was fired and didn't emotionally realize it until about two years later since she continued to work out of her old office as a "consultant" to the company, and kept up her old ways.

The irony of many of these stories is that the woman involved often has a CEO or boss who sets a bad example as a bully or polishes his image by letting the Bully Broad do the dirty work of carving people up for his benefit (the old "good cop, bad cop" routine).

The main weakness of the book is that it's aimed at helping a small percentage of women improve their career prospects. The bulk of the potential readers will be victims of Bully Broads who need protection. If you are either a Bully Broad or a Bully Broad victim, this book can really help.

On the other hand, I hope that many human resources people will read this book as well so that their company can help head off bullying situations, whether they are caused by women or (more frequently) by men.

How many things can be accomplished faster and better by having more than one person cooperate with one another? Almost everything. Find ways to make that cooperation smoother, more pleasant, and more effective for all involved!

Be the leader you would like to have!

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Stop bowing to the stereotypes - and CHANGE THE RULES!, February 2, 2004

By 

Marion E. Gold "Book Author & Editorial Writer" (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Same Game Different Rules : How to Get Ahead Without Being a Bully Broad, Ice Queen, or "Ms. Understood" (Paperback)

Although Hollands book may move some women's careers forward, she is also setting back most women in all fields a few dozen years! Equal opportunity for women is still a long way off. Each time a woman succumbs to theories like Hollands' ''bully broads,'' she not only halts progress, she takes a giant step into the past. The challenge is to speak out about gender discrimination, not bow to it. The challenge is to rid the workplace of stereotypes -- not pay homage to them. Until we do, executive women will still be called "bully broads," while men are applauded for their aggressive, take-charge business style! (Marion E. Gold is author of "Personal Publicity Planner: A Guide to Marketing YOU," and "TOP COPS: Profiles of Women in Command."

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Stop bowing to the stereotypes - and CHANGE THE RULES!, February 2, 2004

By 

Marion E. Gold "Book Author & Editorial Writer" (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Same Game Different Rules : How to Get Ahead Without Being a Bully Broad, Ice Queen, or "Ms. Understood" (Paperback)

Although Hollands book may move some women's careers forward, she is also setting back most women in all fields a few dozen years! Equal opportunity for women is still a long way off. Each time a woman succumbs to theories like Hollands' ''bully broads,'' she not only halts progress, she takes a giant step into the past. The challenge is to speak out about gender discrimination, not bow to it. The challenge is to rid the workplace of stereotypes -- not pay homage to them. Until we do, executive women will still be called "bully broads," while men are applauded for their aggressive, take-charge business style! (Marion E. Gold is author of "Personal Publicity Planner: A Guide to Marketing YOU," and "TOP COPS: Profiles of Women in Command."