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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing. Best-worst movie ever
This is quite simply one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen. By no means is it a good movie. It's a good movie to watch but only because it is so horrible. The dialogue, the production values, the acting, the music, the editing, you name it and it will make you laugh.

Joe "Samurai" Marshall is our main character. He's the martial arts using, fluent...
Published on July 23, 2005 by Antonio Vega

versus
3.0 out of 5 stars Toes the line between bad/funny and bad/boring
It's clear that they were going for the "so bad it's good" goal when they made this movie but it kinda toes the line between bad/funny and bad/boring.

Plenty of scenes just seem to take forever and the fact is that the special effects budget was so poor that they couldn't do decent blood effects really takes away from the movie. It's kinda funny the...
Published 3 months ago by Vince S.


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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing. Best-worst movie ever, July 23, 2005
By 
Antonio Vega "DJ Benny" (Miami, Fl United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
This is quite simply one of the most amazing movies I have ever seen. By no means is it a good movie. It's a good movie to watch but only because it is so horrible. The dialogue, the production values, the acting, the music, the editing, you name it and it will make you laugh.

Joe "Samurai" Marshall is our main character. He's the martial arts using, fluent japanese speaker bushido warrior cop who is going to take down the Katana Gang. This guy sports one of the sweetest mullets you've ever seen and also spouts out some of the sleaziest/cheesiest lines you've ever heard. He also doesn't speak japanese a single time yet they say that he is fluent in it. Between him his partner and a very... promiscuous helicopter pilot they take the katana gang on.

I could go on and on... and on about this movie. Joe Marshall's big speech in the restaurant is so intense it's hilarious but if I keep going on then I won't leave much for the viewer to see for themselves. The commentary for the movie is also hilarious but the true experience for watching this movie is to see it in a big group. There is just so much to make fun of and you gotta do it with a few other people.

Definitely recommended and place it on your piano.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Samurai flop, May 15, 2006
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
For once, I just don't know where to start. I've attempted over and over to review this movie, but I just didn't do it justice, how do you describe the movie that has everything? An over the top 80s cop movie that takes itself just seriously enough to keep it from being a farce. It's like an unintentional absurdism.

Think of it this way. When a good song is being played, you notice if the player hits the wrong note a few times. But let's say the player plays all the wrong notes, it becomes a completely different song in another key. That my friends is Samurai Cop. Nothing works, it's nothing but mistakes, but it is so amazingly bad that you can't take your eyes off of it.

Take for example, the title of the movie, Samurai cop. You get the idea of a sword-wielding Japanese police-officer. What does this movie give you? A Chippendale's dancer with shoulder-length women's hair. What I mean by this is, when a guy has long hair, it still looks like guy's hair, usually. It looks like this guy is wearing a wig to be perfectly honest. Together with his trusty black sidekick Frank they fight against the Order of Katana, an totally brutal Japanese gang!

In order to give the bad guys a more menacing image, their overdubbed voices are usually treated to sound gravelly. Not to mention the film is sometimes sped up to create an illusion that the chase is going faster or to make the martial arts scenes more exciting.

Joe, the Samurai Cop, spends more time hitting on girls than he does hunting the Katana. The first of these gals is the sexy female police-gal Peggy. Right off the bat this film delivers some great footage of Peggy in her birthday suit. Let's just say she brings a whole new meaning to the word 'perky.'

Let's get to the jokes. The comedy of the Samurai Cop world. Lots of s-e-x jokes. But all of them are strange and come out of nowhere. Viddy:

Frank: The Captain is going to burn my axx.

Joe: Yeah, he'll burn it, jet black.

Frank: It already is black.

Joe: Right on.

--------------
Peggy: Hey Preacher.

Preacher: Yeah?

Peggy:You and I got nothin' to do...Let's fxxxk.

Preacher: Shut up!

-------------------------------
Frank crawls under a fence.

Joe: Why did you go under?

Frank: Cause I'm an undercover cop.
--------------------------
Here's a humdinger...

Nurse: Do you like what you see?

Joe: I love what I see.

Nurse: Would you like to touch what you see?

Joe: Yes. Yes I would

Nurse:Would you like to go out with me?

Joe: Uhhuh, yes I would.

Nurse:Would you like to fxxxk me?

Frank gives a silly wide-eyed reaction shot.

Joe: *into her stethoscope* Bingo.

Nurse:Let's see what you got. *grope* Doesn't interest me.

Joe: What would interest you? Something the size of a jumbo jet?

Frank reaction shot.

Nurse: Have you been circumcised?

Joe: Yes why?

Nurse: Well your doctor must have cut a large portion off.

Joe: I have enough. It's big.

yadda yadda yadda, you get the idea.

It's stuff like this over and over throughout the whole movie. I mean...lookit, it's like nobody that made this movie had any idea of what they where doing and even less about how the police actually solve crimes and do their jobs. Most of the plot of this movie involves them catching the Katana members but accidentally killing them! But they need a live Katana member to testify in court!

No matter what they do they can't bring in a live Katana member. At one point a mob henchman actually machineguns down the gang members to keep them from talking!

Things get worse. While the Katana gang is going around murdering and torturing the entire police office, Samurai Cop Joe is too busy boinging his latest interest to care. And *grimace, get this, at one point *grimace, he walks around in a bikini. Who thought this would be a good idea? Whatever respect you may have mustered up for the Samurai Cop quickly goes down the tubes.

The martial arts segments, beleive it or not, aren't that bad. They're not that good, but at least it looks like they actually know some real moves. It's got some great sword slashing and gun shooting as well. And it certainly delivers when it comes to showing us hot babes.

Yes, my friends, this movie has everything and you'll laugh all the way through. To make matters even better this DVD has a comedy commentary be THE Joe Bob Briggs. Joe Bob will have you cracking up, as if this movie wasn't funny enough on its own.

Don't take it from me, take it from Joe Bob Briggs: Buy and watch Samurai Cop!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Mifune Needn't Be Worried, March 21, 2009
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
Yes, everything you've heard about Samurai Cop is true(that is considering you've heard anything at all). There's no reason why anybody, cult film fan or not, should like this film, but as reviewers have stated already, it's just too horrible not to be captivated by it. It's the kind of film a film course would show to it's class as a lesson in what not to do when making a film.
The simple plot is about a Japanese yakuza gang called Katana that finally meets their match in a newcomer police officer who is supposed to be a samurai. The Samurai Cop and his wisecracking black partner, Frank(they remind you of a micro budget Crockett and Tubbs), set out to bring the evil thugs down, but priorities are priorities, and it seems as though Samurai Cop's need to get laid is the top priority. Meanwhile, the lovable Robert Z'Dar is the evil second in command of the Katana gang and has made it his mission to slice the Samurai Cop into sushi.
You could call this a B movie, but that's giving it way to much credit. Maniac Cop was a B movie, and this doesn't even come close to that film. It looks only a hair above home movie picture quality, the dialogue is simply jaw droppingly bad, the fight scenes and car chases are accomplished by speeding up the camera, the sound(the spoken dialogue anyway) was obviously recorded after the shooting and dubbed back in(giving it an odd sound I might add), the fx were bad(one guy is obviously being shot with red paint pellets), hell it was all bad. Nothing was done right. And for a so called samurai movie, it had very little as far as martial arts go.
The Samurai Cop himself is a long haired piece of muscular beefcake played by Matt Hannon in his only film role. Of course Robert Z'Dar is the only person in this film who can even remotely be considered a star(okay Melissa Moore is in it too, but that's not saying much) Z'Dar does well at playing the typical Z'Dar role, and I will say that it's easier to buy him as a samurai than Matt Hannon(but I will say that Hannon knows a move or two).
The disc has an interview with Robert Z'Dar, which is always a treat because he has such a quirky sense of humor. He's well aware of the kind of films he makes, and while he never says that Samurai Cop was good, he does seem to have pleasant recollections of making the movie. Another plus to this disc is the funny intro and MST3K type commentary with Joe Bob Briggs. Very entertaining I must say.
Well, that's about it-A nice DVD package for a not so nice movie. Samurai Cop is one horrible friggin' movie, but in the end, that's the best thing it could be.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars "I Will Bring You His Head, And I Will Place It On Your Piano.", February 16, 2006
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
This is a real find. "Samurai Cop" is one of the all-time greatest bad movies in history. There is no possible way to review this film from a serious standpoint. Amir Shervan wrote, produced, and directed this monstrosity, so I hold him chiefly accountable. The DVD has great extras including an introduction and commentary track by Joe Bob Briggs, who is in even better form than usual here, as well as an interview with Robert Z'Dar, who is apparently attempting to follow the path of jocularity and girth popularized by Marlon Brando.

The plot concerns an undercover cop played by Matt Hannon who is attempting to break up the horrifying Japanese Katana Gang, of which Robert Z'Dar is the chief enforcer. There are so many problems with the film that I have no idea where to start. Well, now that I think about it, I do: let's start with Matt Hannon's hair. I have never seen a mullet like this in all my life. For the first half of the film I was actually asking myself if he was wearing a woman's wig from the Jaclyn Smith collection. This full, flowing mane of hair is as much a character in the film as any other actor, and seems to simultaneously represent the Samurai Cop's masculinity and femininity. If you don't think that's possible, watch him kiss the girls; it's disgusting.

Aside from the hair issues, the film features all the idiotic characters and plot points you would expect from a grade-Z film: the angry police Captain, the goofy sidekick (who laughs inappropriately on numerous occasions), extremely attractive women in hard to believe situations, and absolutely horrendous dialogue which, while gratuitous, fails to further the plot. To illustrate this point I direct you specifically to the exchange on circumcision, and the constant refrain of "keep it warm" which you just need to see for yourself to grasp how stupid, yet un-sexy a statement it is.

There are some great monologues about good and evil from Samurai Cop (my favorite is in a restaurant where he contrasts the Katana Gang with honest, hardworking Japanese-Americans) and, of course, the obligatory fight scenes. These generally come down to gun play, knife play, and karate. In the gun fights, I am constantly amazed that people in a gun battle find the most exposed place possible to stand (the middle of a door; an open field) when firing. This contributes to the extremely high body count in the movie as everyone and their brother gets shot by the end. There area couple of knife episodes, including a very lame ritual suicide (remember, death before dishonor). And then there is the karate. This is by far the best part of the movie. The scenes are moderately well choreographed, but to make them appear more professional Shervan constantly speeds up the film so that the action goes way faster than would be possible. This is, I suppose, an attempt to improve the dynamic energy of the film, but in reality makes it look more like a cartoon. These karate scenes (and a couple of the high-speed sword fights) are delightfully hokey; do not turn away even for a second during them. Please also note the bacon grease torture. Truly a scene of restrained understatement.

Again, the commentary from Joe Bob is one of his very best pieces of work, and I recommend watching the movie first without it then with it. For a wonderful piece of mid-1980s junk cinema, "Samurai Cop" absolutely cannot be beat. I highly recommend this one to any and all lovers of bad movies.

Keep it warm.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Samurai Cop, June 13, 2004
By 
Blonde Gangster "Blonde Gangster" (Hollyweird, CA United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
Sure to be a cult classic here in the states as it was in Europe. There's plenty of action and full breasted babes in action to keep you interested when the dialogue gets you laughing. Not to mention a mullet here or there. So, you may want to see it with Joe Bob's commentary on. A group of friends and I laughed our asses off to his comments. I guess there's no chance for a sequel since most of the cool characters die by hara-kiri, beheading, death by sword, fire or get shot off a roof. But our hero and his partner could always return..if there not in convalescent home by now. If you can't get your hands on the DVD don't despair, this film will surely show up on, "Dinner and a movie", or "Mystery Science 3000". weird blonde gangster
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Where has this movie been all my life?, November 19, 2012
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
Actual dialogue:
Washington: God! Man, look what they done to my car. Captain Roman's going to burn my ass.
Samurai: Yeah, he's gonna burn it ... charcoal black!
Washington: It is black!
Samurai: Right on!
[They high five]

'Nuff said.

If you want to get a sense of this movie's incredible artistic power, google "samurai cop horny nurse" and watch it.
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9 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you Cinema Epoch!!!, February 14, 2013
Thank you Cinema Epoch for honoring Amir Shervan by remastering this movie. The gesture alone is worth the 5 star rating and I have complete faith the quality will be worthy upon arrival as well.

I want to quickly mention to all who love this movie that your purchase of this version of Samurai Cop will help fund the project to release high quality versions of Amir Shervan's lost movies: Killing American Style, Young Rebels and Gypsy. This is an epic service to the b-movie community and it is not a cheap or easy task. Please show your support with your purchase of this movie and by spreading the word of its release as well as the upcoming releases from Cinema Epoch!

--Andrew Martin
facebook.com/AmirShervan
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars MY SCALED GRADE: B to B plus., November 28, 2012
By 
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
Soooo bad it becomes good.

Unearthed from a vault in Italy we get a cheesy "B" movie that has quite a following. If you're going to watch it you must go into with said spirit. This is far from Academy Award material. In fact, it's so laughably horrible at times that one feels it's best viewed with a group that is willing to make fun of it.

In the words of a commentator (paraphrasing): "9 breasts, 54 dead people, eye gouging, multiple throat slitting, threatened crotch torture, 2 explosions, 5 running gun fights, head rolls, arm rolls, gratuitous circumcision chatting, head bashing, army slicing, gangster road kill, flaming getaway driver, 2 samurai sword fights, 5 kung fu scenes, gratuitous gay Costa Rican waiter, Cameron the hot female who fights all her fights in stiletto heels and one of the the funniest sword fights ever."

What's it about? Basically a cop with a really bad mullet who has to catch criminals named the Katana Gang (get it? Derp, derp), brag about his fluent Japanese yet never uses it and seduce some women with bad 80s hair styles and kill every gang member. Wait, don't you need at least one to testify in court or give more information about the investigation. Ah, who cares about that, right?

Some of the best dialogue ever (not!):

One guy shoots somebody and his friends says, "You got him!" "Yeah, i got the ba**ard"

Backseat drivers yell at the driver to "Go! Go faster!"

"Don't move! What are ya gonna do shoot me?" (with a gun in his face). Then a bad cut and he disarms the guy before he can fire!

People shoot from cars like retards and the other side ducks several seconds later. People shot fall out of the back in melodramatic deaths.

Unknown 80s style music plays. Stonewashed jeans. The wig on the head of our hero changes midway through the film and it looks like a mop at times.

Misfire or cocking his gun and shot by the man. I like the way he gets hit and flies back like a bulldozer plowed into him.

Horrible death scenes after somebody is shot.

What was with the kung fu Fu Manchu fight? The guy was pretty good at first and then he gets his arms put behind his back? Did he get tired or did the move people run out of money and had to end it suddenly?

A whole lot of kung fu action comedy with gore and naked women.

I cannot honestly critique this film on any level of seriousness but the absurd so I shall just give it a grade.

WHEN WATCHED: July 2012 (I finally recovered enough to do a review); OVERALL GRADE: B to B plus.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Greatest movie ever made., October 3, 2012
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
I don't know how you can watch this movie and not laugh out loud. It is an instant classic. I am grateful for the person who put this gem on dvd.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Keep 'em coming, Joe Bob!, June 1, 2004
By 
Tergaso Taylor (Minneapolis, MN USA) - See all my reviews
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Samurai Cop (DVD)
The only reason to get this dvd is for the Joe Bob Briggs commentary track. The film itself is laughable. There's even an introduction by Joe Bob! So, I'm sayin' "check it out" and if you like it, check out Joe Bob's other dvd commentary tracks on "I Spit on Your Grave (millenium edition)", "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter", and "The Double D Avenger".
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Samurai Cop
Samurai Cop by Amir Shervan (DVD - 2004)
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