22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
We are all looking for the light, November 1, 2003
This review is from: Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength (Hardcover)
As a physician who cares for suicidal patients and survivors of suicide, this book brought me enlightenment. As a parent who has lost a child, it brought me tears. Now I understand the pain behind the beautiful music of one of my favorite singers, Judy Collins. As she says in her book, "we are all looking for the light".
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength, May 21, 2004
This review is from: Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength (Hardcover)
Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength
by Judy Collins
Reviewed by Suzanne M. Retzinger, Ph.D.
"The streets of London have their map; but our passions are uncharted." (Virginia Woolf).
I was given a copy of Sanity and Grace by a remarkable man - Al Lowman - and was not sure at the time what I was meant to see. I read it to find out. I found a rare combination of expression of feeling and intelligent use of the work that has been done on suicide - woven together into a story. What I saw in Judy Collins's book was a roadmap of the passions. I read the story of a journey from the stigma and shame of a family secret - her son's death by suicide - into the open where healing begins to take place.
Breaking down the ancient walls of a taboo, Judy chose to build bridges, rather than remain behind the wall. She questions why a person would be defined by a moment in time when someone takes his or her life - why this moment would weigh more than all others. A mix of journal entries and prose shows the road from pain to light - and there is light.
Like many who suffer from the death of a loved one, Judy was told to stop talking about it, "get on with your life", "you're bringing others down". I hear this again and again from people who come to the bereavement groups I facilitate. Silence prevents healing - suicide is whispered she says, and "never quite shouted, as it should be, to the rooftops." She refused to stay silent, or to accept shame that would have been isolating. Instead she chose to express her pain. Talking is healing, and grief is the acceptance of that loss.
Judy gives a clear message: there is only one way to heal - right through the pain. She found sobriety, and refused medication for her grief - grief is not a disease, "I wanted to feel everything, the pain and the depression, the hurt, even the rage." And she allowed herself to feel, "let it role over me and around me, let it boil up and claim me, let it wrench the tears out of my eyes and let it roll into rage." Her complex emotions find voice and grace through words.
Going through mourning can feel insane, and no one needs to do it alone. There's "power in the intimacy that comes with sharing secrets", and is in itself healing. A network of caring people and support groups helped her move through. There are support groups - there are caring people to travel with us. Hospice is a starting place to find such a group. By speaking her suffering, and courage to be vulnerable, Judy Collins charts a path for others to follow. A god has given us a voice to speak our pain - let us use it.
I sing my highest praise.
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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Suicide, another elephant in the living room, April 4, 2004
This review is from: Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength (Hardcover)
Just this week in Joyce, Washington, a 12-year old boy--popular and happy by all accounts--took a rifle into his classroom and shot himself in the chest in front of his teacher and 18 classmates. Last month, a 12-year old in Seattle tossed herself off a freeway overpass. Judy Collins is a singer, songwriter, author, and actress, with many years of recovery from alcoholism. Depression, the "dog on the leash" often attached to alcoholism and addiction, plagued her since childhood. Her first husband's father killed himself. Nobody talked about it. Years later, at 33, Ms. Collin's son, after a period of sobriety, relapsed and then killed himself, narrating his own death on audiotape. Suicide is like child abuse, cancer, domestic violence, addiction: the attitude of many is "it's time to move on. Get over it." What Ms. Collins knows and tells eloquently in this book, which also features an excellent reference list of other books on suicide,is that those left behind never get over it. She postulates, instead, that suicide must be talked about. The writing in the book is a combination of songs, poems, journal entries, interviews with other writers on suicide, and anecdotes about Ms. Collin's own life. The writing is sometimes uneven, with breathtaking imagery juxtaposed with cliche or platitude, though I of course enjoy platitudes that come from 12-Step programs because I know what life-savers they are--and this is how Ms. Collins uses them. I "grew up" to the sound of Judy Collins'songs; when she appeared nearby in a concert nearly a decade ago, she never mentioned that her tour was part of her own therapy for her terrible sense of loss and hopelessness from her son's suicide. This singing and her writing lend hope.
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