Customer Reviews

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

5 star:		(24)
4 star:		(18)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(11)
1 star:		(23)

 

 

It's the kookiest Christmas ever when Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in this "you have to see it to believe it" Christmas "classic." Maybe you've seen this movie hilariously skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but you have to watch it on its own to truly appreciate it. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars. The Martian get-ups are more ridiculous than Marvin the Martian's normal attire, the sets redefine the very definition of cheap, the acting is over-the-top and generally horrible, and Santa is - well, he's just a little bit weird, if you ask me. Every time the guy starts in with his distinctive laughing (usually for no apparent reason), I am reminded of the fact that Satan is spelled with the same letters as Santa.

Things aren't going so well on Mars. It's bad enough that the Martians are all colored a ridiculous shade of green, dress like rejected superheroes, and wear ridiculous antenna-spouting helmets on their heads at all times, but now the children of Mars are all acting depressed and withdrawn; all they want to do is sit and watch Earth TV. Kimar (Leonard Hicks), the leader of Mars, seeks the advice of the planet's 800-year old wise man and is told that he must bring Santa Claus to Mars so that the children can actually have fun and be children for a little while. Voldar (Vincent Beck) opposes the plan every step of the way, arguing that Kimar's plan will soon result in a whole planet full of lily-livered, mush-brained nincompoops. Kimar wins out and sets off for Earth in the most pathetic spaceship of all time to catch Santa and bring him back to Mars - along with two Earthling children. Well, Santa starts up a new workshop on Mars, hoping he'll be allowed to return home in time for Christmas, but Voldar is as tenacious as he is ridiculous-looking and is determined to kill Santa and stomp out all signs of Christmas spirit on the red planet.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians features a young Pia Zadora as a little Martian girl, but perhaps the movie's most unforgettable feature is the swinging theme song, Hooray for Santa Claus. If you watch the movie, you'll have this silly song in your head for days. Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) gives a memorable performance as Mars' resident screw-up with a heart of gold, but my thoughts always remain with John Call and his disturbingly weird portrayal of Santa Claus. I can pretty much guarantee that this movie will make you laugh with its unashamed ineptness, and bad movie lovers are ineligible for their very first merit badge until they have watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and lived to tell about it.

This DVD from Intermedia (Woodhaven), is the best version on DVD. The print quality used is much better that that used on other DVD's.

Yeah, "It's a Wonderful Life" is a pretty good movie. However, the movie I joyfully watch every Christmas is about martians who, lacking a Santa Claus to bring joy to martian kids, kidnap Santa from Earth, along with two children. "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is almost sublime in its badness, and with painted-green martials in skintight suits, a Santa with a lewd chuckle instead of a "Ho Ho Ho," incredible wooden acting by the cast (one of whom is Pia Zadora), unspeakable special effects, and a horrible theme song, it is a masterpiece of the so-bad-it's-good school of film. Just TRY getting the theme song out of your head.
The DVD from Laserlight looks exactly as one would expect it - awful. The supersaturated colour scheme has not aged well, and looks very grainy. There are many scratches, but that only adds to the film's strange charm. Unfortunately, the first fifteen seconds or so of the film's opening credits are not on this DVD, depriving loyal fans of seeing EVERY BIT of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." Unsurprisingly, there are no extras, although the menus are pretty good.

You've got to be in a silly or giddy mood to truly appreciate this '60's classic. From suspense formulation to character development, SCCM tosses convention aside and disobeys all film making rules. In fact, it is so poorly done, it is downright enjoyable! Enjoy it with your friends for a good laugh. Be enchanted with lovely Pia Zadora's film debut (I think) as the cute little Martian girl. Be inspired as Carl Don's character, the 800+ year old Martian wiseman, proclaims, "We Need A Santa Claus on Mars!" Get downright geocentric as the Earth's Christmas Holiday spirit prevails over the Red Planet's system of overbearing logic and Grinch-esque gloom.

Most importantly, jam to the film's wonderful jingle, "Hooray For Santa Claus", which I truly think is the best thing to come out of this movie. I believe this theme song is the most underrated Christmas carol of all time.

This version of the film is released by PASSPORT VIDEO which is bad news. Passport likes to put their logo in the corner of the screen and finds just about the worst quality they can possibly dig up. This DVD has jumps in the film and couldn't get too much more grainy looking.

This is the second time I've been burned by Passport video. The first time being their DVD of Plan 9 From Outer Space which suffers the same fate. If I had noticed this one was released by Passport I wouldn't have bought it but I didn't even check. Shame on me and shame on Passport for releasing such garbage. Stay away from their releases at all costs.

As for the film itself, see the review below.

You can get it for a dollar at Target. And, for only a dollar, it is the best value-to-price ratio ever. You and your friends will spend hours laughing at the silly quirks this movie is made up of. Voldar, Droppo, the whole gang are going to entertain your socks off.

It's the kookiest Christmas ever when Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in this "you have to see it to believe it" Christmas "classic." Maybe you've seen this movie hilariously skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but you have to watch it on its own to truly appreciate it. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars. The Martian get-ups are more ridiculous than Marvin the Martian's normal attire, the sets redefine the very definition of cheap, the acting is over-the-top and generally horrible, and Santa is - well, he's just a little bit weird, if you ask me. Every time the guy starts in with his distinctive laughing (usually for no apparent reason), I am reminded of the fact that Satan is spelled with the same letters as Santa.

Things aren't going so well on Mars. It's bad enough that the Martians are all colored a ridiculous shade of green, dress like rejected superheroes, and wear ridiculous antenna-spouting helmets on their heads at all times, but now the children of Mars are all acting depressed and withdrawn; all they want to do is sit and watch Earth TV. Kimar (Leonard Hicks), the leader of Mars, seeks the advice of the planet's 800-year old wise man and is told that he must bring Santa Claus to Mars so that the children can actually have fun and be children for a little while. Voldar (Vincent Beck) opposes the plan every step of the way, arguing that Kimar's plan will soon result in a whole planet full of lily-livered, mush-brained nincompoops. Kimar wins out and sets off for Earth in the most pathetic spaceship of all time to catch Santa and bring him back to Mars - along with two Earthling children. Well, Santa starts up a new workshop on Mars, hoping he'll be allowed to return home in time for Christmas, but Voldar is as tenacious as he is ridiculous-looking and is determined to kill Santa and stomp out all signs of Christmas spirit on the red planet.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians features a young Pia Zadora as a little Martian girl, but perhaps the movie's most unforgettable feature is the swinging theme song, Hooray for Santa Claus. If you watch the movie, you'll have this silly song in your head for days. Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) gives a memorable performance as Mars' resident screw-up with a heart of gold, but my thoughts always remain with John Call and his disturbingly weird portrayal of Santa Claus. I can pretty much guarantee that this movie will make you laugh with its unashamed ineptness, and bad movie lovers are ineligible for their very first merit badge until they have watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and lived to tell about it.

This is a classic holiday film. I used to watch it every year on TV. The only film that seemed to get more air play was "Santa and the 3 Bears." Now, at a later stage in life, I can't wait to torture, whoops, I mean entertain my two young girls with this heart-warming tale of Kris Kringle's ability to win over a warrior culture via non-violent/peaceful means. Sure, if you're an old fart and haven't seen this film before, you'll find it to be lack (it certainly lacked a budget at the time). However, if you're still a kid at heart, you can't help chuckle at this very special piece of Christmas film history.

Maybe I'm nuts, (some would not argue, including my wife) but I like this movie. It's one of those flicks that looks like you could make it yourself. Santa, played by John Call, looks very convincing as a Santa, but that manical laugh,(you've got to hear it). Sounds like Santa's a little deranged. Pia Zadora is cute as a little martian. It's hard to believe grown adults would wear those goofy martian helmets(they had to starving). But this is a fun movie. That bouncy theme song; Voldar the nasty martian; and, if I'm not mistaken, Stobo the martian has a striking resemblence to Jamie Farr. The final credits say Al Nesor, but I believe that was an alias acting name for Mr. Farr back then. No wonder he changed his name for the movie. See this movie with your kids, it's harmless, there is no nudity; and the violence, what little there is, is hysterical! If you like movies like Robot Monster, Plan 9 from outer space, and EEGAH! like I do, then this movie is for you.

Simply one of the best holiday movies out there. Dated? Sure, but there is an everlasting message in this movie that overshadows any technical shortcomings. Besides, the reviewers that pan this movie probably prefer the plastic, antiseptic new Star Trek series to the original compelling TV series. To them I say: how many times must we watch explosions and special effects at the expense of plot and character development? This movie has charm, humor, clear cut good and evil, and it makes you think about important issues; issues more relevant now than when the movie was released. Besides, it's a fun movie for the entire family. John Call is an awesome Santa. No political correctness here, he smokes his pipe and is not ashamed of it. When Santa lets out a "Ho, Ho, Ho" after he is told he will not leave Mars, it's guaranteed to make you roll on the floor with laughter.