Customer Reviews

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Some movies are indescribable and this is one of them. Maybe this movie is proof you can make a feature length film for less than a couple of thousand dollars. From the script to the costumes this movie reeks of small community theater. It is probably only a few notches above high school production values, but for all that it is completely hilarious. Santa's sleigh is not even buried in the sand for pity's sake! You get to see Santa's pink undershirt and his sweat stains on his suit in a delicate place! The Ice Cream Bunny's eye gets stuck and Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer are thrown in for good measure in a completely unrealated cameo appearance. One interesting thing about the movie is you get to see a part of vanished Florida. The Pirate World Theme Park (where the Thumbilina insert was filmed) was one of hundreds of local Florida attractions that disapeared with the coming of Disney to Orlando.

Do you hate kids? By all evidence, the makers of this craptastic classic sure did, and how. The box says this thing runs only 76 minutes, but don't be fooled - it's nearly TWENTY minutes longer than that and feels at least TEN TIMES that. No doubt that sense of padded-ness is enhanced by the fact that the middle HOUR of this cinematic abomination is made up of an entirely recycled separate feature film, namely trash-meister Barry Mahon's 1970 filmed-play version of the fairy tale classic 'Thumbelina,' a version shot largely (entirely?) at the long-gone Pirate's World amusement park in Dania, FL.

The (approx.) 30+ min. 'framing narrative' (as it were) consists primarily of various local kids' efforts to free Santa's sleigh from the sand of some unnamed and decidedly un-picturesque stretch of Florida beach property (presumably in the vicinity of Dania and Pirate's World). Their attempts mainly involve using various animals (dog, sheep, horse, man in gorilla suit - I swear, I am not making this up) as substitutes for Santa's missing reindeer, who've returned to the North Pole because it's too hot in the Sunshine State (why Santa didn't go with them is never explained). Said efforts are miserably lame and fail. (You kids SUCK!) But Santa tells the kids to never give up, to always have faith, believe in their dreams, etc. Then, to prove his point (?), he tells them the (seemingly interminable) story of Thumbelina. Cue movie-within-movie for next 60+ minutes. Zzzzzz...

When we finally get back to 'reality,' Santa passes out (like the picked-up-from-the-local shelter hobo that the actor likely was) and the kids run away...only to return with...THE ICE CREAM BUNNY!!! At which point you ask yourself, "The WHAT?!?" Yes, the Ice Cream Bunny - why, everyone knows who/what he/it is, right? At least, that's what you'd think based on the way Santa addresses this hideous, malformed, mutant community college mascot. Oh, and the Bunny drives AN ANTIQUE FIRE ENGINE with a cacophonous, looped-in wail of a siren (the sound of which initially confuses Santa - "Is there a fire?").

So, Santa rides off with the Ice Cream Bunny, the kids chase after him, waving goodbye. Then it occurs to someone (the continuity editor?) to go back and check on Santa's sleigh (still stuck in about two-and-a-half inches of sand). The kids all run back, line up dutifully and freeze for the cheap 'vanish' shot and POOF! Santa's sleigh is magically gone, I guess back to the North Pole (which would seem to obviate for the Ice Cream Bunny's 'daring' rescue of Chris Kringle). Not 'THE END,' but, instead, 'MERRY CHRISTMAS' and blunt cut to black screen.

I was forced to watch this thing for about 3 months one afternoon by a friend who assured us it was the worst movie ever. All of us thought it was going to be so bad it was good, if that makes any sense; but it wasn't.

It's just bad.

Nothing funny, no great one liners, nothing even remotely amusing in hour after hour after hour of terrible, disjointed, boring, badly shot footage. Even the stuff that sounds funny somehow isn't. If I could give it zero stars, I would.

Don't waste your money, because you'll never get that time back. (Okay, yes, it's not that much real time, but it certainly feels like it.)

The plot, such as it is, consists of Santa's sleigh apparently being stuck in about an inch of sand on a beach in Nowhere, Florida. It's hot. The reindeer leave, and go back to graze on the tundra at the North Pole. (There's a shot of them there. Solid land, and not a flake of snow in sight.)

Santa, for no adequately explored reason, doesn't go back with them, but stays in his full suit (which becomes disgustingly and obviously damper and damper as the movie progresses and the poor actor loses any belly he had in sweat.) He sings a little ditty, and magically calls a bunch of kids from their various games to help him. (Did I mention that this is a musical?) One of the kids was apparently "playing" by jumping off a roof using an umbrella as a parachute, but nothing is said about that at all. Isn't that a normal way for a kid to spend an afternoon in Florida?

The kids "help" by bringing all the animals from the Petting Zoo of the amusement park that apparently sponsored this thing, and some other stray critters including a man in a gorilla suit. They put all the animals, one at a time, between the shafts of the sleigh. Since there is no harness at all, it's no surprise when none of the animals can pull the sleigh out of the sand. Any two of the kids could have done it easily, but that doesn't occur to anyone. Perhaps they all have sunstroke.

After about a week of this, a different movie entirely (Thumbelina) is inserted into the middle of this one. The less said about that, the better. But it's also a story within a story, since it's a girl at the aforementioned amusement park hearing the story of Thumbelina, and imagining herself as the title character. Which takes us down three levels, and requires a sedative, doesn't it?

When that movie ends, the Ice Cream Bunny, who is some unfortunate person in quite possibly the most pathetic full body costume ever, enters on an antique fire truck and drives Santa all over the amusement park. The sleigh, now relieved of Santa, vanishes, presumably back to the North Pole, thus proving it wasn't stuck a bit; it just hates Santa.

At which the movie, mercifully, ends. (And there was much rejoicing.)

"Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny" is an entirely surreal children's Christmas movie that is exponentially worse than "Santa Claus" or even "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," and is really a 96 minute ad for a long-gone Dania, Florida amusement park called "Pirates World." (And, no, I didn't accidentally leave the apostrophe out of "Pirate's;" that's the way they spelled it.) I must confess that my first exposure to the movie was from the Rifftrax version, which makes the film infinitely more palatable. I have since seen the original as well, and that's what's presented here on VHS. With the recent Rifftrax DVD release of "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny," they thoughtfully included a copy of the film without the Rifftrax commentary as well, so you can get this material on DVD now at a fraction of the cost of an old VHS copy.

The film is an exercise in padding and makes next to no sense. Santa (Jay Ripley) gets stuck in his sleigh in the sand at Pirates World, and summons children to help him. A wacky cast of characters enters the picture attempting to free Santa, including a gorilla, a mule (who knew mules were stubborn?,) a horse, a pig, a sheep, and ultimately the Ice Cream Bunny, who arrives on an old fire engine and finally frees his old pal Santa. This entire spectacle is watched by Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, but not before an adolescent raccoon provides some facial injuries while confined to their raft. If this was the entire film it would be about half an hour long, so what did the director decide to do? Insert a pre-existing film, "Thumbelina," into the middle of the Ice Cream Bunny plot under the guise of Santa telling the children a life-affirming story about the importance of never giving up on your dreams. (Is your head spinning yet?)

"Thumbelina" is trippy in a whole different way. It's partially narrated through a tinny speaker in a diorama displayed at Pirates World to a teenage girl who is way more interested than is normal. The story itself contains moles, birds, frogs, and flower people; Thumbelina (Shay Garner) is two inches tall and has mind-boggling adventures that are maybe not exactly what Hans Christian Andersen had in mind when he wrote the story. I was on the floor laughing when I saw the frog suits for the kidnapping amphibians presented here, but was even more amused by Mrs. Mole and Mr. Digger who teach Thumbelina lots of excellent life lessons. I think this must be what it's like to eat the magic mushrooms that liberally decorate the set in this tiny enchanted world.

This is a classic of the weird children's Christmas movie genre, but it is only recommended for truly hardened B-movie veterans who look at "Robot Monster" as one of the better-made cult movies in their library. The acting is (clearly) amateur, the script is next to nonexistent, continuity is a non-event, and those are the good points. I am, however, not emotionally prepared to discuss the all-kazoo orchestra soundtrack or any of the myriad musical numbers that are sprinkled throughout the movie like strychnine. It's just too horrifying.

I gave it four stars for value: the movie itself is a classic of bad filmmaking, but the Rifftrax DVD is a much better bargain, and believe me when I tell you that their commentary makes the film go by much faster, especially in the nearly eternal "Thumbelina and the Mole Men" part. If you want to see a noxiously bad Christmas movie that is so bad it will make you cry laughing or flee the room depending on your disposition, it would be difficult to find a more truly bizarre choice than "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny."

Other critics seem to have failed to mention the appearance of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. They have about 30 seconds of dialog and then are never seen or heard from again. Also not mentioned is this movie may contain the largest variety of kazoo music to ever be played on a feature film sound track. Santa is often seen napping and criticizing the children's attempts to find animals that will fly.
In my heart, I truly believe the Thumbelina "scenes" would have been cut entirely if the zoo animals had been more cooperative in being hitched to the sleigh.

This is one, no two strange movies. I thought it might be so bad it's good, if you know what I mean, but it was just a bloody awful incoherent mess.

I didn't even want to give this one star. The video tape didn't even work. It horrible. I bought it as a gift. The person couldn't even watch it.