Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights [Paperback]

Jake Kalish (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 8, 2008

“Who would win between . . .” has through the ages been one of man’s most fundamental questions. Sadly, adult responsibilities like “earning a living” and “having a girlfriend” have conspired to make it impossible for men to devote to this issue the scholarship it so deeply deserves. But now one hero has tapped into our ­need to know who’s the best, the strongest, the caveman with the biggest club.

From Jake Kalish, five-star general of the Imaginary Battlefield, emerges Santa vs. Satan, a tome that offers far more than idle speculation, culling expert analysis from martial arts masters, scientists, social theorists, and pop-culture philosophers, providing in-depth detail of the strengths and vulnerabilities of the combatants, and making bold predictions. Warriors are profiled and winners are declared in this seminal list of throwdowns that never were but should have been.


Han Solo vs. Indiana Jones
Adam vs. Charles Darwin
The Virgin vs. The Whore
Drunk vs. Stoner
Conspiracy Theorists vs. Conspirators
Muhammad Ali vs. Bruce Lee
The Stork vs. The Grim Reaper
Metrosexual vs. Eunuch
Michael Corleone vs. Tony Montana
Small Man with Breasts vs. Large Balding Woman
Artist vs. Critic
The Constipated vs. The Incontinent
Gandalf vs. Obi-Wan Kenobi
Married Gay Couple vs. Divorced Straight Couple

Editorial Reviews

Review

"This is the best waste of time available in print this summer."
—Will Coviello, www.blogofneworleans.com

“It's rare to find a book that actually can make you laugh out loud, and this book definitely can. It mines the sublime from the ridiculous, using a rapid-fire mixture of pop culture and irony delivered with a potty mouth to create a tongue-in-cheek work of quasi-seriousness. Plus, you can get an expert opinion on who would win a fight between Han Solo and Indiana Jones. Really, what's not to love?"
—Allen Adams, The Maine Edge

"There's no better way to whip your happy-hour friends into a frenzy than by debating one of Kalish's faux fight cards."
—Men's Health

"If you're on the toilet regretting the hot wings you just scarfed down, and you know you're going to be there for at least the next couple of hours, there's no better book to accompany you on your ordeal."
—Jason Hare, www.popdose.com

"Santa vs. Satan is one of the funniest books I have read in a while."
—Blogcritics magazine

About the Author

JAKE KALISH is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Blender, Men’s ­Fitness, and Playboy, among other publications. He could totally kick your ass.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press (July 8, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0307406709
• ISBN-13: 978-0307406705
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,207,631 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Funny. Nice coffee table book, July 17, 2008

By 

Jason Consoli "whoremaster" (Brooklyn, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights (Paperback)

I busted a gut laughing at The Ultimate Warrior vs. The Ultimate Pacifist. The author even gets opinion from a pacifist leader on who would "win"

Nice book for your stoner friends too.

Good job guys!

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious!, July 10, 2008

By 

Bill from KC (Kansas City) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights (Paperback)

This is one laugh-out-loud funny book, definitely worth 11 bucks. Some of the fights, you have to wonder how he thought of them (He Man vs. She-Males is brilliant). Good read for the bathroom, or the beach.

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Frikkin hilarious!, July 11, 2008

By 

Seth Jacobs - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights (Paperback)

This book has like twenty laugh out loud and embarrass yourself in public moments in it. I know this cause I just got glared at on the subway this morning.

Very funny quick reads for days when your brain doesn't want to do anything serious.

He-Man vs. Shemales - so very very right