Customer Reviews

Sausagey Santa

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Ah, this one's a keeper.

First, let me address the PROs. The story moves at a breakneck pace. The imagery is both weird and interesting. From the pirate-like Santa.. to the nazi snowmen.. to the giant frankenstein jack-in-the-box and the floating graveyards. And the elves. Oh, the elves!

It's also very funny. Carlton Mellick III really has this down to a science. He's clever as well as entertaining. Without a doubt, I will read this again.. probably around the holidays.

Now for the CONs. I myself have no problem with the book.. but many casual readers will whine about the length. Well, let me address this. Wouldn't you rather read a 100 page book that is jam packed with a good story instead of a 500 page novel that is chock full of scenes that could have been left on the cutting room floor? I would. I like short and sweet. And when people criticize his writing, calling it "juvenile" and whatnot.. That's absurd. Do writers have to use obscure hundred dollar words in order to be considered good? What about writers of children's books? They write simple stories with simple vocabulary and yet they win awards and respect. Just because we are adults does not mean we should lose that sense of fun and simplicity.

But don't get me wrong. There IS depth to Mellick's work. But it's just that he doesn't get bogged down with the whole snooty literature angle like many authors do. Instead, with his work, you get fun and bizarre literature that lampoons our society, religions, etc.

This is an excellent book right down to the cover art. I highly recommend it and I might consider giving copies out at Christmas.

I just got this book and I am going to race out and buy more copies to give as Christmas gifts. This book is a winner!

There has never been a Christmas Book as entertaining and f'd up at Sausagey Santa. Elf s3x! Christmas fetish! Snowmen with axes for limbs! This book is hilarious, poignant, and ultra smashing x-massey goodness.

I am so happy that there's a bizarro christmas book like this. And I love the cover!

The strangest, sickest, most twisted Christmas story you'll ever read. Definitely not one for the kiddies. Carlton Mellick III's perverse sense of humor and rebellious avant-punk novellas are as entertaining as they are abnormal. His signature writing style of simplistic vs. philosophical statement is one of the best in the new Bizarro field of literature. With sharpened wit and graphic descriptivism, he tells the most eccentric and outlandish stories you'll ever have the privilege of reading.

Matt "Sly Guy" Fry is a nondescript guy who wants to be morbidly obese and die middle aged like his parents. He married a woman who legally changed her name to Decapitron. He has four children, Nora, a daughter with a pulsing growth on the side of her head, Angelica, who wears chain saw blades for angel wings, and twin boys named Matt Jr. and Decapitron Jr.

Decapitron is a housewife by day and a Death Sport Street Fighter by profession. She loves Christmas, and makes an exceptional celebration out of it every year. But this year, Santa is caught coming to the Fry house. Santa is made out of sausages, with a gherkin for a nose, green olives for eyes, and walnuts for teeth. Santa comes under attack from the flying coffee birds, who take over the snowmen in Fry's yard, and along with N@zi Frosty, steal not just Santa's bag of toys, but Fry's daughters.

It's up to Santa and the Fry family to bring Christmas back to the world. The coffee birds steal sky-corpses, via the disease train, and use the bodies to become part of Frosty's zombie army. A huge battle ensues at the South Pole where Frosty's evil workshop is. There's exploding reindeers and a cabbage suit, elves that wear Fry's "Sly Guy" signature haircut, snowmen with axes for arms, Burt Reynolds elves, and elves with [....] $exual intents.

Mellick taps the fun side of horror, the fun side of punk, and the fun side of the bizzaro. His novellas are pure and unadulterated amusement, a distraction from the serious world. 'Sausagey Santa' really tops the list of bizzaro fun. If you love Mellick, or are looking for a curious break from reality, then definitely pick up a copy of this book. It's my new Christmas favorite. Enjoy!

I read Sausagey Santa a few years ago and it remains one of my favorite CM3 books. It never fails to get me into the Christmas spirit every December. If you're a sucker for Christmas, and you like bizarro, then I guarantee you'll love this. The story centers on the Fry family and how they get caught up in a Christmas battle between good and evil. There are gigantic fight scenes, explosions, decapitations, Christmas fetish sex, Nazi snowmen, illicit affairs with Santa's elves, an adventure rock band, and a chainsaw angel. And Santa's made of sausages, by the way. What could you possibly not like about that?

It's written with an obvious love of the holiday, but Sausagey Santa isn't the typical jolly holiday fodder. Most notable is the lack of focus on so-called family values. This Christmas involves the Fry family, a group of weirdos so dysfunctional they had to come from Carlton Mellick's mind. They attempt to help Santa save Christmas from the evil Frosty the Snowman, and when the dust settles in that battle, the Fry family is not brought together but rather warped and perverted. This is how Mellick satirizes the typical Christmas story, pointing out that the positive atmosphere of the holiday season just isn't real. As much talk as there is of "Peace on Earth" during Christmas time, that positive attitude can hardly coexist with normal reality during the rest of the year. The Fry family discovers this when each of them gets what they want for Christmas. They learn that the reason Christmas is special is because it comes only once a year, something that we all know deep down.

The key factor to Carlton Mellick's success as a writer is his humor.

It's possible to get lost in the sea of absurdity that Mellick's paints. However, his humor tends to hold everything together nicely.

This is a North Pole loaded with sexual deviant elves, a nazi-Frosty, a Santa made of meat and chainsaw angel wings.

Definitely not your parents Holiday yarn. Mellick has once again proven he is one of the top cynical voices of our generation.

If there's one thing that you should take away from "Sausagey Santa" by Carlton Mellick III, it's probably that you should never marry a woman named Decapitron because she will annihilate you.

"Sly Guy" Matthew Fry is in such a predicament. He marries a dominatrix who calls herself Decapitron, who is also into ultimate fighting by night (you can guess what her signature move is just by her name). But now it's Christmas Eve, and their family is together to share in her Christmas traditions, which included the telling of the true story of Santa. You see, King Kringle was actually an evil man who hated children and the Baby Jesus, so after several acts in accordance with this hatred, he is cursed to live forever and spread joy to children on Christmas, which is a living Hell for him. He tries to kill himself several times, but he can't die, and the elves being master worksmen simply repair him. Finally, he thinks he's found a way out by jumping into a meat grinder. While the elves are perplexed for a couple of days, they finally just stuff Kringle's meat paste into sausage balloons, reassemble him into a reasonable human shape, and put him back to work. Over time, he learned to enjoy his task, and became known as Sausagey Santa, or Santa for short.

And that's just the beginning of the story. Things get a lot more complicated when Sly Fry learns the story is true. And Frosty is involved. And there's a kidnapping. And a cabbage suit. And zombies.

This novel was actually really awesome. I loved this take on the Santa story, and found myself laughing quite a few times, particularly at the way Santa talks like pirate (and laughs like one, as opposed to the traditional "Ho ho ho!"). Great action, great sense of humor, and great at turning conventions on their heads.

A complaint I typically have with a lot of Bizarro books is the ending. That is not the case with this story. The ending was perfect, not necessarily wrapped up nice and neat like a Christmas present, but still perfect for the tone of the story.

If I do have a complaint, it would be two things. The kids were...okay, but frankly felt a little off. Don't get me wrong, they fit well into the story, and yet it felt like they could use more development or have a couple of them removed altogether. The second is the villain. The only development or characterization we get is background info told by Santa and the elves. He doesn't have much of a character himself. The old saying goes that an audience will hate a good villain, but love a great one. But this one I was nearly indifferent to and simply had a presence to develop the heroes, and had no real character himself, which was disappointing giving how clever his concept is otherwise.

So break out the television cake, put on those chainsaw angel wings, and fry up some oysters. This one is a good, if only minorly flawed, ride.

"Sausagey Santa" by Carlton Mellick III earned 4 fried oysters out of 5.

Sausagey Santa is Christmas story unlike any other.

Sly Guy Fry and his wife, Decapitron, run into a little trouble when Santa comes to drop off his toys.

This isn't the Santa we have all grown up with though. This one is made of sausage and his enemy Nazi Frosty has just stolen his bag of toys, kidnapped two of "Fry's" kids and Decapitron ends up frozen.

Thus begins an adventure where Fry and Santa with the help of the elves need to set things straight so that Christmas isn't ruined and the Fry family can be put back together.

Sausagey Santa is a fun story that everyone should read at least once. After doing so you will never look at Santa, elves, and snowmen the same again!

This is one of Mellicks funniest novels. I mean laugh out loud funny. And, strangely, I thought it did a fine job evoking the spirit of Christmas. Its short and action packed. There's some super strange and futuristic elf hanky panky, which I loved. And they make santa seemed kinda tragic. There's a transformer towards the end and I love transformers. I hope they show up in more of Mellicks work.

This ones not a classic but a real fun to read.

One of my all-time favorite weird Christmas books. A wonderfully odd short novel from one of the pillars of the Bizarro genre. This one has it all, from television cake to coffee birds, a child with chainsaw blade wings, a woman named Decapitron, and a Santa made of sausage, with olive eyes and a walnut smile. Truly, truly strange, and highly entertaining. As long as you're not easily offended, and whether or not you believe in you-know-who, check this one out.

This story kept reminding me of an adult Christmas episode of "Adventure Time with Finn & Jake."

It was amazingly wild, Mellick's imagery, characters and writing were just spot on.

Sausagey Santa is an awesome bizarro reworking of the night before Christmas. Sly Guy Fry, his wild MMA death fighter of a wife named Decapitron, and their children go to bed Christmas Eve after hearing the story of Sausagey Santa, and awaken in the middle of the night to hear Sausagey Santa and his reindeer on the roof. While relaxing and throwing back a few drinks Sausagey Santa and the family are interrupted by the evil Nazi Frosty whose coffee (evil) birds possess snowmen in the front yard, steal Santa's bag of toys, freeze Decapitron and their twin children, and kidnap their oldest children. It's up to Fry, Sausagey Santa and all his elves to regroup at the North Pole, arm up, and travel to the South Pole to rescue the children and save Christmas.

This novella is just chock full of awesome, from the kinky elves at the North Pole who are obsessed with Burt Reynolds and love themselves some Dungeons & Dragons, to Fry's obsession with being a Sly Guy and looking cool, as well as his love of this adventure rock band called Spelunker, Fry's favorite song being "Canyon Kayaking Danger Team." It was an all around witty, fun, action packed Christmas adventure.