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Saying What's Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success Paperback – January 18, 2005
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Top Customer Reviews
After she left me, I tried unsuccessfully to win her back. That's when I realized how terrible my communication skills were. I communicated the only way I knew how, which was usually either by attacking or by being defensive. Yet amazingly, until reading "Saying What's Real," I didn't realize this. I just thought I was logical. After all, I could win any argument with her or anyone else.
This book taught me that healthy communication is not about being right or getting people to do what we want. The author, Susan Campbell, makes the case that most communication comes from the (mostly unconscious) intent to control through manipulation, trying to impress others, lying so as not to hurt another's feelings, etc. She says that, conversely, healthy communication is about, "Creating mutually beneficial solutions... and sharing what we feel and think." In other words, healthy communication is about relating, which Campbell says builds intimacy and connection.
Since I wasn't comfortable with talk about relating and sharing, I initially thought the book's advice wasn't useful to men like me. After all, what man on this planet talks about how something made him feel? However, I kept reading and eventually become convinced Campbell is right. It became obvious that had I been able to really communicate and relate to my former partner, things would have turned out differently. She once commented how we often didn't seem to "get" each other. Now I know why.Read more ›
I highly recommend both of these books.
Her 7 keys for mindful, present communications are excellent and easy to understand - putting them into practice may take more time, but with practice and persistence they could really make any relationship more meaningful and rewarding. I will be recommending this book to couples in conflict especially - there are some very powerful tips here that I believe could really help any troubled partnership.
The fact is, there's an element of being authentic and telling the truth that's terrifying, and this book makes it much less terrifying. After reading this book, I started to feel like maybe, just maybe, I can actually be authentic in my relationships. Not perfectly, especially at first - but maybe with this book I can develop the courage and skills to actually be real. She makes it seem like it's something that's actually within my reach, like it's something that even I can learn to do (as opposed to something that only the "super-courageous" can do), even if I don't do it perfectly all the time.
With that said, in some cases the description of how to use these skills is, for the most part, quite good; however, my only issue is that the way she seems to advocate using them seems a little contrived at times. It seems like always using the exact phrasing she provides in the book, for example, would be pretty wooden (especially if you do it all the time), but I guess it's the concept behind the phrases that counts here. I think they provide a good framework if they're not always taken entirely literally - if you take them as "say these exact words" then it seems pretty contrived. She does provide good distinctions and cautions at times though that justify why she writes her phrases the exact way she does.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Great relationship book - easy to grasp and full of great insightPublished 9 months ago by Rene R Cardona
it is a good book and some parts very helpful, some just common sensePublished 14 months ago by Sharon
This book was recommended to my daughter who has lent her copy to several people - It is an excellent tool for communication and being yourself and brings people into a freedom... Read morePublished 18 months ago by paula Ludlow
It is a book written with much simplicity. It should be read by anyone who is committed to experience a true, viable ,harmonious society, as well as s family relationships. Read morePublished on March 2, 2014 by mireille l. pingitore
I think it's quite easy readable and very useful book which helps to build more conscious relationships with inner self and others. Really practical advises to anyone.Published on January 12, 2014 by Yanis
Good self help book. Easy read makes sense and was helpful to me may not be to others but I found it useful.Published on November 16, 2013 by annadora Y khan