39 of 44 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must read!, September 6, 2005
This review is from: Saying What's Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success (Paperback)
I came upon this book the hard way. I was raised in a family that rarely showed emotion and never talked about feelings. Although my former girlfriend tried several times to get me to talk about my feelings, I refused to do so and told her that was silly.
After she left me, I tried unsuccessfully to win her back. That's when I realized how terrible my communication skills were. I communicated the only way I knew how, which was usually either by attacking or by being defensive. Yet amazingly, until reading "Saying What's Real," I didn't realize this. I just thought I was logical. After all, I could win any argument with her or anyone else.
This book taught me that healthy communication is not about being right or getting people to do what we want. The author, Susan Campbell, makes the case that most communication comes from the (mostly unconscious) intent to control through manipulation, trying to impress others, lying so as not to hurt another's feelings, etc. She says that, conversely, healthy communication is about, "Creating mutually beneficial solutions... and sharing what we feel and think." In other words, healthy communication is about relating, which Campbell says builds intimacy and connection.
Since I wasn't comfortable with talk about relating and sharing, I initially thought the book's advice wasn't useful to men like me. After all, what man on this planet talks about how something made him feel? However, I kept reading and eventually become convinced Campbell is right. It became obvious that had I been able to really communicate and relate to my former partner, things would have turned out differently. She once commented how we often didn't seem to "get" each other. Now I know why.
After finishing the book, I went back and took 21 pages of notes. I plan to review them on a regular basis until I completely break my old patterns and make "real communication" and relating a habit. I'll also read this book with my next girlfriend when the time is right. It may be too late to salvage my old relationship, but I'm going to make sure communication is not a problem the next time around.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Saved my marriage, June 10, 2005
This review is from: Saying What's Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success (Paperback)
It sounds cliche, but it is the truth - Susan Campbell saved our marriage. My husband and I have talked with therapists and read lots of books yet we never were able to get past certain difficulties. Using the simple, honest suggestions in this book and in "Getting Real" (also by Susan Campbell), gave us the vocabulary and tools to begin the journey of getting more connected to each other. We have learned that assumptions about the other persons feelings are very often inaccurate while being present and honest about ourselves and being OPEN to the other is almost magical when practiced by two willing partners. This is a practice....it takes time..."Saying What's Real" is a great start. I suggest reading it out loud together (and get "Getting Real" too).
I highly recommend both of these books.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Practical, pithy, to the point., March 10, 2005
This review is from: Saying What's Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success (Paperback)
Having read Susan Campbell's 'Getting Real' (which is one of my top self-help books I recommend to clients) I wondered whether this book could be as good or as insightful. In fact, I think it's even better! Although reading 'Getting Real' kind of paves the way to being open to the shorter, more practical advice she gives in this new book.
Her 7 keys for mindful, present communications are excellent and easy to understand - putting them into practice may take more time, but with practice and persistence they could really make any relationship more meaningful and rewarding. I will be recommending this book to couples in conflict especially - there are some very powerful tips here that I believe could really help any troubled partnership.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
