Customer Reviews

Scared Straight: Why It's So Hard to Accept Gay People and Why It's So Hard to Be Human

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From the criticism of our universities as purveyors of hopelessness to the dynamics of "getting laid," Scared Straight is an eye-opening and penetrating analysis of U.S. culture, explaining why accepting the full humanity of gay people divides people and organizations.

Dr. Minor shows how homophobia is a major ingredient in our way of defining the world. Without sparing any of our cultural institutions, Scared Straight identifies our culture as fear-based and in denial. Like software installed in a computer, our system's messages install a "straight role" in us which actually has little, if anything, to do with sexual orientation. In the end it has little to do with religion, tradition, or the Bible, and everything to do with maintaining quite limiting definitions of a "human being," a "real man" and a "real woman."

People of all sexual orientations are hurt by the "straight" role, torn from their full human potential, and squeezed into the molds which support our dominant institutions. Human relationships with either sex are incomplete and unfulfilling. Chapters on "How to Be Straight" and "How to Be Gay" describe the roles straight and gay people are conditioned to live in order to maintain this status quo. Yet, not content to merely identify the problem and its depth, in the final chapter Dr. Minor describes the dual elements of healing that this cultural disease requires.

An insightful analysis for anyone interested in gender studies, religious studies, queer theory, feminism, and cultural critique. Though it was only released a few weeks ago by HumanityWorks! and PersonalEnrichment.Org, this book is receiving much attention at many religious conferences and gay pride festivals all over the country! Find out what all the buzz is about!

This is a brilliant book. It ought to be required reading for every human being--and certainly every gay or lesbian human being.

For, as Scared Straight explains in exacting detail, indoctrination into the way of thinking it argues against is, in fact, "required" of every person living in modern human society.

Robert Minor, a Professor of Religious Studies at the University of Kansas, describes the process of conditioning into conventional gender roles that dominates and directs our lives. He uses an interesting bit of computer terminology that helps make his argument clear: he refers to gender conditioning as being "installed" the way a piece of software is installed. A small program analyzes your computer and determines what needs to be where for a desired application to work, and then inserts whatever pieces of code are needed.

Now in the installation of gender role conditioning what's needed are a set of beliefs, opinions and unverifiable assumptions about the nature of human life and sexuality that support and explain the existing system. Using the familiar story about the fish who observes "I've been swimming in it all my life, but all I know about it is it's water," Minor shows how in fact we're all "wet" with the tenets of male dominant gender conditioning but can't realize it because we can never--or at least seldom--get out of the water enough to see what it is.

What it is is the installed beliefs that male is better than female, that males should compete with other males to prove they're "real men" and not like females, that females should effectively be victims to males' desires and priorities in order to be "real women," that men should want to "get laid" and women should want to "get a man," and that nobody should question these beliefs lest the males demonstrate they're like women and the females demonstrate they're unworthy to be men--thus proving the assumptions.

In a way, of course, this is a further reiteration of the original feminist critique. It's not new. But in this book it is brilliantly and exhaustively argued and explained.

The consequence of this installation of gender roles is unquestioning acceptance of male dominance, hierarchical ordering, competition, scarcity and dualistic thinking--especially the notion of right and wrong--as though these were "God-given." Even the idea of that "God" is a self-serving, self-verifying artifact of the male dominant conditioning.

Minor shows how heterosexuals are forced into being "straight" at the cost of men's emotional well-being and freedom and women's self-respect, autonomy and intelligence. He very insightfully explains that being straight is not at all the same thing as being heterosexual, that "straight" means acquiescing to the gender role conditioning, and that because the conditioning suppresses natural responsiveness to feelings, it in fact disempowers real heterosexuality. People don't respond to their actual heterosexual feelings as much as they react to and obey gender conditioning. No wonder straight marriage is under seige.

Minor then shows how gay people are taught to be gay by a system that demands everybody be "straight." Thus we see the notorious terms applied to gay people: "straight-looking, straight-acting." Even homosexuals try to be "straight."

The reason homosexuality is so scorned by the system is because the very choice of "coming out" means choosing to be true to one's own feelings instead of buckling under to conditioning. In order to be gay, at least on the surface level, one has to decide to violate the conditioning, that is, to jump out of the water. This, in turn, threatens the system because it shows that human beings can survive without agreeing to the tenets of male dominant heterosexism.

On a deeper level, of course, gay men and lesbians continue to struggle with the installed program of conditioned expectations, values, and self-assessments. But at least we're potentially aware of what's going on. And with our struggle we call the "straights" to wake up and be aware.

The gay and lesbian rights movement then is not just another attempt by one group to compete with and dominate another (that's how the conditioning would portray it and that's why straights feel threatened, why, for instance, they think that gay marriage threatens their relationships). Our movement is about the human race waking up from a set of assumptions about the nature of life and God that (maybe!) made sense at the start of agrarianism, when our ancestors were coming down from the trees and moving into villages, but that don't fit modern, technological, egalitarian, psychologically-enlightened society.

To pursue the computer analogy, we're part of the "deinstall" routine. And deinstalling the conditioning promises to make heterosexuals and homosexuals alike happier and more responsive to their natural humanity. Reading this book, itself, is a kind of routine for deinstalling the conditioning. For what activates the deinstallation is precisely the awareness of the installation process itself. Every one of us would benefit from running that routine.

Reviewed by Toby Johnson in White Crane Journal #50

I was fortunate enough to attend Mr. Minor's workshop on homophobia and gender conditioning when he was here in Chicago in the early spring. There is nothing new in the book that hasn't been written about before. In fact, Mr. Minor reiterated the fact several times during the workshop however, Mr. Minor takes a lot of research and condenses it down into an easy, resourceful text. A must for scholars interested in gender conditioning and/or gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered studies.

Then again, everyone can benefit from this book (and I don't often say that about books.) Minor shows that homophobia hurts everyone regardless of their sexual orientation. In fact, as Mr. Minor points out, the actual issue of sexual orientation has very little to do with the oppression than the issue that someone is perceived "different." Which also means that gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people must stop playing the "victim role" when dealing with the oppression. His last chapter on being human is one that I will have to go back and re-read time and time again, because it is a revolutionary light and insight into an age-old way of thinking.

Mr. Darden misses the entire point of the book, based on his review, he came to reading the book with his prejudices and stereotypes on his sleeve. I ask, If you already feel a certain way about gays, why are you even reading material concerning them? Must be another attempt to discredit and refute what they have come to accomplish. They say some people have trouble accepting truth, well Mr. Darden, just because you eloquently state your opinion with "big words" and a bunch of bs doesnt mean anyone is going to see right through what YOUR agenda is. Your smug, self-righetous reeks of hatred toward a group of people you obviously do not know. Now are not people of your ilk, prone to also interpreting scripture to your favor while condemning others? Perhaps it is you who should study the history and context of scripture. Are you afraid that maybe you have been wrong and you are threatened by people who are no longer going to allow people like you to bully or humiliate them? Do not straight people also blame society for their problems, etc as well? Gays have been stigmatized and rejected, yet, it is really just their own neuroticism that contributes to their problems, hey, after all if they get killed and treated like second class citizens it is their own fault. I and many others have witnessed the pain and suffering of these people and they have tried to be just like their hetero counterparts. You claim that people shouldnt discredit the sincereity of those who claim they have "changed" but yet why are you so quick to disclaim the sincerity of those who havent but have tried. Do you not realize that some people will claim that they have changed when they havent just to belong, because they cant handle the rejection and shunning they may receive.They may have alot to lose and some would rather live a lie than lose their life. For you to say they didnt try "hard enough" is bearing false withness, because you dont know those peoples' hearts. Well congradulations on your compassion Mr. Darden, arent you just a godly like person? There is obviuosly no benefit to being gay, because of the way they are treated. They want to belong just like everyone else and that is not easy. It comes with a price and they can even lose their lives. If they are trying hard to let you know where they are coming from and what they are going through so you can understand them, who are you to try to deny their sincerity? It isnt a act of justification of their so-called "lifestyle." If that is what you chose to label it, then you should first apply it to yourself. I believe what those people have gone through and overcome speaks for itself. Perhaps you should put yourself in their shoes and learn to treat other people you dont understand with some dignity and respect, but I guess its hard to give someone something you dont even have for yourself. You are not called to judge, but to bear the burdens of your neighbors. You are to love and accept as you have been so by God(if that is your religion)You have no grounds to boast on. You are entitled to your own opinion, but you are no better than them. Has it not been said that you should treat others as you would have them treat you? Before you throw stones, you better look within yourself and deal with your own issues first. I assume you claim to be Christian, well you may be religious and alot of other things, but you arent no follower of Christ, your lack of compassion and understanding just proves it.

This is a great book for anyone who wishes to gain a proper perspective on society.

A close friend of mine is bisexual. When I met him, he was not only happy to be bisexual, he also was quite outspoken about it. A couple of weeks ago, he decided that due to economic constraints that he would move back in with his father. There were a couple of conditions that his father placed on him. First, he had to choose to be straight. He has to give up on any desire for men. He is to start dating only women. Second, he can't have any LGBT friends. I'm not sure how this affects his relationship with his half-sister who is a lesbian.

In any case, my friend is definitely not the happy person I have known him to be. He has to constantly lie to his father about the sexual orientation of anyone in his life. He has to deny and suppress his own sexuality.

Maybe someday my friend's father will read this book and put an end to the harm he's causing his son.

Hi, this is to all who read the book as well as to those who diagree with what others think. If you like the book cool. I heard Mr Minor touch on these "issues" at our chuch. He is well spoken. If you do not like the fact that others disagree with the book why talk down to them? We ARE ALL FREE or... at least should be free to give our opinion (on anything) and remain at peace? Sooner or later we will figure out what works and what does not. Helping others does not include insult and attack in any form. Choose your words wisely when you are representing something that means something to you otherwise you are just using words without meaning? read this book or not... remember we can not put another down and still be free and equal! Even if it is just a "random" review... so far removed! take care all, Peace