From the Publisher
BigHominid.com Publishing is proud to present Kevin Kim's very first book, "Scary Spasms in Hairy Chasms: A Panoply of Paeans to Putrescence and a Cornucopia of Corrosive Coprophilia." We think a couple excerpts from the book will say it all.
Kevin Kim on his poetry:
"I want you to picture Shel Silverstein. So far, so good? Now I want you to imagine ole Shel's been fed a huge meal, then beaten with lead pipes, stripped naked, and locked in a crate completely in the dark for three weeks, with no nourishment but his own urine and feces. Unseen assailants randomly assault him with electric cattle prods. Three weeks go by; Shel's crate gets set up on a stage. Blazing spotlights are aimed at the crate, and a microphone stand is placed next to it. Two burly gents with crowbars pry the crate open, drag Shel out, and prop him up by the mike stand. They command him to start reciting poetry on pain of scrotal gnawing by cocaine-jacked house pets. He blinks sightlessly into the spotlights, tries to lick his lips with a parched tongue, weakly clears his throat, and begins to speak. Whatever comes out of Shel's mouth at that moment... that's my poetry."
Kevin on his book:
"I painstakingly document, in the form of short stories, poetry, and other genres, every glorious, polyp-throbbing moment of peristalsis, when matter in all its possible forms-- solid, liquid, gas, or superhot plasma-- jets out of my wriggling colon and hurtles headlong into the unknown future. The characters in a given story might not be me, per se, but they represent facets of me and my furry hole."
Kevin on Bill Clinton:
"...I'd like to take this opportunity to give former President Clinton a special vote of thanks for his sustained, masterful impression of an ambulatory penis over the past eight years. You rocked, Bill, and you did indeed erect a veiny, purple bridge straight into the sweaty, pink youthful mount of the 21st century. Long may your hirsute balls drag upon the dusty earth! Just don't get snagged on a cactus."
BigHominid.com Publishing thinks you'll be just as charmed by Kevin Kim's wit and wisdom as we were.
From the Author
Thanks for checking me out, friend. Here's hoping you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.
After all: Where else can you find a cartoon of an alien giving flowers to a beautiful woman, and telling her, "In the manner of your species, I have defended your honor by challenging and slaying a family of marauding plants. Behold their still-pungent genitals!" ?
Will you, in fact, like "Scary Spasms"? Well, it probably helps to be emotionally stunted, intellectually retarded, an inveterate lover of scatology, petomania, Star Wars parodies, Star Trek parodies, the finer uses of drool, vomit, other bodily emissions, and all that is un-PC.
I wouldn't recommend this book to cloistered nuns, unless said nuns are into watching Howard Stern, South Park, and "reality" TV.
But if you're a college student who's at least half-drunk (and a happy drunk at that), then this book is definitely for you. Buy lots of copies. Pass 'em around to your friends. Spread the evil word. "Spasms" is already selling steadily... help me turn this puppy into that most cherished of marginal ideals: the underground hit.
Happy regressing.
