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The Scent of God: A Memoir

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There are many kinds of courage, just as there are many kinds of intelligence. Beryl Singleton Bissell's The Scent of God is a love story that is as much about courage as it is about love.

The story she tells is simple enough. A girl is enraptured with the idea of God and God's love, so she enters a convent at 18. The girl becomes a woman who discovers that love and life are more complicated than they once seemed, so fifteen years later she leaves the convent and the life of a nun. The former nun marries a former priest and enjoys a few years of happiness.

Love led Bissell to enter the convent. Growing up in a family blighted by her father's alcoholism, Bissell yearned for love so fiercely that the only place she could imagine getting it was from God. The same burning need for love that led her to a cloistered life ultimately led her to renounce it. As a love story, this one is distinctive and compelling.

But above all, I see this appealing memoir as an exploration of courage. It takes courage to choose an unconventional course in life. It takes courage to challenge one's faith. It takes courage to realize that the most solemn vow one has made was a mistake, and then it takes even more courage to admit that error and correct it. It always takes courage to love, especially when the relationship blooms (however improbably) in the context of so many taboos.

At another level, it requires courage to look at one's life with clear eyes and to tell that story honestly and with unsparing detail. Bissell is too honest to hide moments of great pettiness and even ugly moments when she was cruel to people who loved her. It is not possible to read this book and imagine that the author has fudged the truth.

Even less would it be possible to read this love story without being deeply moved. Warning: before starting the last chapters, place a box of tissues near your reading chair. Things don't always turn out the way they should, which is why we all need so much courage, intelligence and love to make our way through this world.

I read the front-flap summary while browsing in a book store a few months ago and felt a bit wary. Was "The Scent of God" another hothouse, repressed-monastic-sexuality-turned-loose expose? Despite the hopeful promise of "spare but lyric language" and Ann Patchett's back-cover praise for "[t]he extraordinary beauty" of Beryl Singleton Bissell's writing, I put the memoir back on the shelf. But I didn't put the book out of my mind. After reading "An Infinity of Little Hours," a reconstruction of Carthusian monk life in the early 1960s, the lure of something about the Poor Clares and their way of life persuaded me to take a literary plunge into "The Scent of God." How glad I am that I did!

"The Scent of God" is a powerful reminder to all of us that life won't be tamed by our plans. Seldom if ever can we map out our lives with confident determination and have it turn out according to our cartography. This book is a powerful recollection of one woman's youthful resolve to become a saint through vows as a nun, only to be derailed from the cloister by natural maturation of body, mind, and spirit, as well as by the changing times. Bissell tells of her family (including the potatory compulsions of her father and their overarching effects), her Poor Clare sisters (although here, if I may say, I would have liked more detail about monastery life than was provided), her priest friend and later husband, and her children with bell-clear frankness but without a trace of the feared sensationalism. She succeeds resplendently in sharing with the reader her love of life in all its mountains and valleys, both physical and psychic. Her language is earthy or surgical or sublime as called for, and she conveys the heartbreak of the loss of loved ones so potently that the tears well spontaneously in sympathy. I agree with Bissell when on page 232 she opines, "I cannot believe that God finds pleasure in our suffering. Suffering is simply intrinsic to life, part of the life and death cycle...." The sorrows that she endures aren't inflictions from an Almighty who wants her to suffer, but rather, the products of life's course, nature, and the doings of human beings who make necessary choices to the best of their abilities.

I find interesting Bissell's comment on this webpage that a religious friend of hers didn't like this book because she thought Bissell did not portray herself with all the spirituality she actually possesses. I agree other aspects of personal development sometimes overtake the spiritual in the memoir, but the eight short chapters contemplating the pre-Vatican II liturgical "hours" (Matins, Lauds, Prime, etc.) are mini masterpieces that reveal the abiding, radiant love the author has retained through everything for the rigorous monastic life that has passed away for her and most of the church. Bissell's spirituality shines very brightly in those passages, I think.

Occasionally, the limits of Bissell's memory prevent scenes from blooming fully, and there is a feeling of lost flow from time to time. But these are the honest consequences of endeavoring to write nonfiction without undue embellishment.

For its bursting humanity and literary loveliness, "The Scent of God" is highly recommended!

Scent of God by Beryl Singleton Bissell is a beautifully crafted saga of religious life pre and post Vatican II. It offers insight from the persepctive of religious as to what was going on within religious house and orders, that we on the outside, didn't understand (in large part because the religious themselves didn't either) and that drove some away from the Catholic Church. 40 years later reading "Scent of God "it all makes sense, but it sure didn't back in the 60's. The courageousness that Beryl showed in exposing all the conflicting emotions of the time and the price one paid for choices made, is a beautiful slice of time!

Not JUST FOR CATHOLICS - because of the evocative prose that allows one to "see" where Beryl was living and the people in her life, the book draws one into the story. definite must read for anyone who enjoys pictures painted by words.

Somehow, when I read this memoir of a former Poor Clare, it stimulated a long past memory of when a Franciscan friar told me of a favourite, private prayer of Francis of Assisi: "Lord, who are you? Lord, who am I?" One wishes that Beryl and Vittorio had ever been taught to approach both those questions in a solid fashion, or to develop the maturity to truly formulate an answer. The picture which emerges is of sincere, dedicated people who were truly seeking God, but who, perhaps because of the lack of any genuine spiritual direction coupled with an excessive stress on obedience, never developed a true clarity of vision. They seem to be a spiritual mess - not wicked or crazy at all, but so devoid of a sense of personal identity and integration of their values into their lives that one wonders if they had any clear picture of vocation, or even of what love for one another entailed.

To the author's credit, she does not turn her reflections on her life into a 'novel form.' The text raises many questions and provides few answers. There is no element of "we were in the wrong places - we found each other - love conquers all" - and, since things are seldom clear-cut or resolved in this life, it is an honest image. The Scent of God is more a reflection than a standard biography. Many books by former religious mock the life in the convent, or show that the candidate was totally unsuitable, or provide an image of monastic life as either gruesome, romantic, or laughable, and there is none of this here. The paradox is that Beryl seems well suited to the life in the cloister overall, and details which may raise the reader's eyebrows (a mattress stuffed with husks for maximum discomfort; an anorexic being cruelly reproached as if her symptoms were wilful 'bad example') do not detract from a generally positive sense of Beryl's being a good candidate.

Much goes unexplained - and there were areas where a more detailed treatment was neglected when it could have been enlightening. The obsession with the novice mistress is all too common when one is in a situation where pleasing her is seen as the sign of a call to obedience, and when every moment of one's life is under her controlling eye. Yet, just using this as one example, Beryl does not explore the situation with mature hindsight.

Neither Beryl nor Vittorio, at age 30 and 57, seem to have either spiritual or emotional maturity. Vacillating and overly magical in approach (there are multiple instances when Beryl sees dreams or portents as divine signs - winning a book confirmed she was to be a Poor Clare), one wonders if they even understood what true love and commitment is at that point. Beryl's character is highly irritating at that point - narcissistic, totally blind to others' situations and given to childish self-centredness and a sense of 'look at all I gave up,' a supposedly mature celibate who was caught up and flattered with her attractiveness. In one scene, where Beryl is treated for a skin problem and the doctor places her hand on his penis, it is astonishing that a grown woman would see this as flattering, enjoying having aroused him, while being blind to the degradation and abuse.

As Beryl mentions at times, things could have gone differently had she had counsel available. The bishop from whom she putatively seeks advice, then tries to impress, apparently neither sees this nor points it out, which shows he had no abilities in direction or discernment. The tragedy seems far beyond a lost vocation. One wonders if either members of the couple had enough sense of vocation or self to make a choice.

Many elements, again unexplained, are highly puzzling. For a priest to wish to be laicised and marry, yet want to confine intercourse to marriage, is understandable. For him to take his prospective bride into the bed with him is bizarre. One wonders why - a test of control of himself? How did he not become physically aroused - was this a by product of the cancer? Why would a couple who wish to observe the virtue of chastity take such chances?

The memoir is not the weary "I only became a nun because the Church thought only religious were holy - I left with the new theology of marriage" balderdash. My sense was of recording of memories, many which the author herself may not fully understand, which showed a sad lack of the "Lord, who am I?"

When I was an adolescent growing up in a small Kansas town, I sometimes dreamt of becoming a nun--even though I was not Catholic. My cousin, Virginia, had given her life to God and went off to a convent. It all seemed so dramatic and selfless, and I admired her courage and commitment to a life of prayer and spiritual discipline.

I have always been intrigued with the women who left their homes, families, friends and all their personal belongings and took vows of poverty and chastity. And I've also been curious about what life is like behind those sacred walls.

When I discovered Beryl Singleton Bissell's memoir, The Scent of God, I devoured it, savored it, dog-eared the pages and filled it with yellow highlighting. I only do that with books that speak to my heart and soul; I know that I will return to those pages again and again.

The Scent of God takes the reader behind the walls of a convent and into the heart and mind of a young woman who wanted more than anything to be "good", to please God and to be loved. While perfectionism and a compulsive need to be in control of her mind and body led to anorexia, controlling her heart would prove to be more difficult.

This is a story about choices, commitments, faith and love. It is about the choice that Beryl had to make between her calling and an Italian priest who won her heart.

Beryl's memoir is beautifully written, weaving in the rituals of everyday life in the convent with the emotional and spiritual evolution of a young woman who comes to trust herself as well as God.

This is one of those amazing books that changes the reader as it unfolds before their eyes. The author, Beryl Singleton Bissell, is able to examine her life and choices with a depth of insight that is rare and most welcome. Not only is the reader allowed to look fully into the life of a monastic order, but also they take the journey of one woman who confronts her human needs and makes choices that that are true to her heart. Beautifully written, this book transported me to a world and a life experience that left me enriched and longing for more.

I have sat here for about an hour trying to write one simple sentence that describes Beryl Singleton Bissell's memoir, The Scent of God. But Beryl's unsparing honesty with herself, with her Church, with the people in her life, and even with her God, refuse to allow me a glib or easy description.

The Scent of God is the story of a young woman so filled with passion and yearning that she enters a cloister at age eighteen. It is also the story of the human desire that challenges, but ultimately enriches that love. It is a rich, sensual, and marvelously told tale by a woman who leaves the religious life, but never stops embodying its virtues: humility, faith, and above all, joy.

I do not have the perfect sentence to describe The Scent of God, but when I looked on the book cover , I found that Ann Patchett captured its spirit with extraordinary precision:

"A terrifying, passionate, and exalted examination of what it means to love with your whole heart..."

Yes, that's it exactly. Is there any more important quest?

I don't normally read memoirs but I was intrigued by "The Scent of God". From the very beginning, Beryl Singleton Bissell's prose drew me in as if I walked into her life and shared her childhood, adolescence, and later her tumultous life after leaving the convent. Her story is so honest and raw and I admire her candidness in revealing a love that no Catholic girl/woman would openly confess. Walk with her as she grew up with an alcoholic father and a manic mother. See what it's like to struggle between the secular and spiritual world. Find out how life's twists and turns mold naivety to resilience and survival. Grieve with her as she says good-bye to a love that she fought heaven and hell for. You won't be disappointed.

In all honesty, I was initially intrigued by the image of a naked nun on the cover. That is the only "sensational" aspect to the memoir. I read voraciously - literary fiction, commercial fiction, science fiction as well as non-fiction so I opened the cover. What struck me immediately was that the book has "it." I define "it" as beautiful word crafting.

The main character, Beryl, decides to go into a nunnery and lead an ascetic, contemplative life. I can't imagine doing that, but the way she describes it, the reader understands why she wanted to do so. Circumstances outside of her control force her to leave the nunnery temporarily and she ends up facing the temptations of the flesh. How she handles the internal war between her vows and her urges is fascinating.

I had the pleasure of listening to Science Fiction/Fantasy writer, CJ Cherryh, talk at a Fantasy Convention in Ft. Worth in 1978. One thing she said has stuck with me. "I can come up with a plot in five minutes. What's important is how you bring the plot alive." (That's a rough quote. It was thirty years ago.)

I advise you to read this book, not because of the plot, but because of how beautifully the author puts words on a page. The book has "it."

John Turman

I adore wonderful writing, and I devour anything that speaks truthfully and authentically about spirituality. The Scent of God captured me from the first page. At the tender age of 18, Beryl entered a convent with a deep desire to serve God and a conviction that He had called her to the life of a cloistered nun. What followed were tumultuous years filled with the joy of serving the Lord mixed with disillusionment about life both inside and outside the convent. In the midst of it all, Beryl found love--a very human yet sacred love for a priest--Padre Vittorio. At age 33 Beryl left the convent, and (in the words of the flap copy from the book), continued her dizzying journey into the heart of desire, both spiritual and human. This book is both romantic and tragic, a compelling look at the depths of love in all its spiritual and human forms.

God's unconditional love, through all the ups and downs of life, is the powerful theme running throughout this story. I felt encouraged and uplifted by Beryl's sense of His love, His grace, and His acceptance. She writes, "...if we realized how God loves us, we would recuperate from our falls much more quickly. How many turn away from God because of guilt, because their sense of unworthiness convinces them they cannot change?" I finished this book with a deep sense of the sacredness of love--real love, all kinds, whether for God or for another person.