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27 of 34 people found the following review helpful
This Is a Book You Can Actually Use
on March 18, 2010
I actually read this book for the first time many years ago. In fact - it was when my daughter was very young - so say 22 years ago. I liked it - and remember getting some good information from it; but before reading it again recently I had no idea just how much I got out of it!
I bring up my daughter because I'm very proud of her --- she never went through things like the "Terrible Twos" - and those horrible moments I've heard and seen so much of --- the "generation gap" where it seems like parents and kids speak different languages and tend to simply fight a lot. Then there are the infamous "rebellion years" that "all kids go through". My daughter never had any of those periods that drove some of my friends crazy - and worse, having their kids end up on drugs - or worse. I just put it off to - who knows..... she was special? I did something right maybe?
Well - what I realized when I reread the book was that as she was growing up I used a LOT of the information I got from Science of Survival. Believe me, I didn't get the whole book when I first read it. But, one of the key factors I got was that you never, never, never try to get through to someone or have a sane conversation with anyone who's "dramatizing" and as you'll read in the book - low on the Tone Scale. If a person is upset -- (simple rule of thumb) you won't get anywhere! So, I actually talked to my daughter only when she was herself - not running around, screaming, throwing tantrums, etc. It's obvious you're not talking to her --- she's too wrapped up in some upset. Those things did happen of course. But once I started using this data, it was very rare - and then there were none. She knew from our conversations when she was herself that nothing good comes of trying to have a conversation when either one of us is upset or mad or crying or whatever. So, if that happened I'd remind her of that and let her know I was there for her when she came out of it. It was miraculous!
Also - a very simple but very powerful thing I also learned from this book is that you never never never validate those times when a child (or adult for that matter!!) is upset. Why? because then becoming upset means you'll get validation - or candy - or an OK to watch TV - or a new bike --- whatever! My daughter knew that she wouldn't get anything if she threw a tantrum or even "demanded" it in some misemotional way. But, man she was well rewarded when she would sit down with me and just talk about whatver it was she wanted. Was our relationship all a bed of roses??? No - but I'm telling you, I couldn't ask or hope for a better relationship with my daughter.
So - long story; but when you find some bit of information that's that simple, and that powerful - you have to tell others. Do I recommend the book? Absolutely! But one thing -- there's a LOT of information in the book. I tend to just grab a few points of things that make sense to me and then use them. Boy did I get the right points - and somehow used them correctly.