Customer Reviews

ScreamFree Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool (Screamfree Living)

5 star:		(98)
4 star:		(27)
3 star:		(8)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(15)

 

 

"ScreamFree Parenting," by Hal Runkel, is an excellent parenting guide that will help moms and dads everywhere to keep (or regain) their sanity. Runkel is a licensed family and marriage therapist and one of the founders of ScreamFree Living, Inc. The book's thesis is that parents cannot keep tabs on their kids 24/7, nor can they force their children to consistently behave in a certain way. Therefore, mothers and fathers would be better off learning to focus on how they react to their children's words and actions.

Parents, Runkel contends, should take stock of themselves. Are they in control of their behavior when they interact with their children? Or are they at the mercy of their "emotional reactivity"--their unthinking, knee-jerk reactions? If the latter is true, it is likely that parent-child interactions will be tense, angry, and unproductive.

All of us who have struggled with parental responsibilities instinctively realize that a calm and reasoned approach is far more effective than a hysterical and dictatorial one. However, because of fatigue, ignorance, or inertia, many of us instinctively lash out, saying things that we don't really mean when our kids push our buttons. What to do?

Runkel does not advocate a permissive parenting style. Rather, the author recommends what he calls "judo parenting." Judo is "the art of going with another's momentum." A ScreamFree parent facilitates rather than dictates; he encourages his children to use their own resources to solve problems. By helping kids to get in the habit of making their own decisions and living with the consequences, parents will be more likely to launch "self-directed" adults.

Runkel's writing style is clear, concise, humorous, and to-the-point. The book is conveniently divided into easy-to-read sections and the chapters all conclude with thought-provoking "reflection questions." The author provides many practical examples to demonstrate how his principles work in the real world. Runkel's amusing quotations from a wide variety of sources add liveliness to his message. In additon, there are lengthier anecdotes that are taken from Runkel's experiences as a family therapist. Most parents will pick up many useful tips from "ScreamFree Parenting." It is an entertaining, intelligent, and practical approach to raising our kids without losing our minds.

I've been trying to cut down on yelling and work through problems by staying calm, which is the approach Runkel, a licensed family and marriage therapist, advocates. The book is an easy read and doesn't overwhelm the parent with too many steps as self-help books often do.

The clear, direct, and humorous writing style allows parents with hectic lives to quickly read the book, absorb its concepts, and put them to use. Each chapter ends with reflection questions to reinforce the themes from the chapter. The book continues its effectiveness whether or not the reader answers the questions. However, thinking about the questions might shed light on you, your kids, and your relationships.

The concept of parents not letting their emotions guide their response to a child's troubles is not new, but Runkel shares stories, experiences, and explanations on how to do it. Sure, junior spilling juice all over the carpet can make any parent mad, but dealing with the situation while maintaining control has better results than a scream fest, spanking, or arguing.

Though the book focuses on parenting, its concepts largely address ourselves as individuals. For we have to take care of us first before others. Instead of permissive or dictatorship parenting, Runkel encourages judo parenting, which is "the art of going with another's momentum." He shows how to do this by providing the answers to the questions all parents get like "I'm bored," "Are we there yet?" and "I hate you!"

Two nitpicks. First, there are a few religious references. I wish this had been omitted because religion is a hot issue and the book's concepts fly well without the religious quotes or references. Using these unnecessarily limits the book's reach as people who skim the book might get the impression it's only for Christian parents. It's not.

The second is not an issue, but rather a want for more examples of using the ScreamFree approach. The stories in the book explain the concept very well and having more would enhance the book's usefulness.

When I told my oldest about the book, she said parents who yell are teaching their kids to yell when they become adults. Deep and accurate insight, as we've seen many children grow up to pick up their parents' bad habits. Overwhelmed parents can begin with one step by picking one situation that pushes their buttons and applying the ScreamFree approach until they get the hang of it. Runkel doesn't pressure the reader and the concepts are doable.

I wish this book was out five years ago when my daughter was born. This book has been such a Godsend to me - a real eye opener. Of the hundreds of books I have read on parenting - this is the only one that actually deals with being a parent and not about molding/training your child. I also bought his class on cd and it has changed the relationship I have with my children. I can't recommend it enough.

When our youngest child went off to college, the school's president told us that many parents cannot let go. They call before, during and after every class. They help out with homework over the Internet. They want to hear about every stumble and bruise. The parents act like they are students in terms of how often they contact advisors and administrators on their children's behalf.

You can imagine what these kids are going to be like when their parents are ill or die. They'll feel like the world has ended. Is that any way to be a parent? I don't think so.

I like having children who become responsible, effective adults. I have four of them, and I'm happy with how it all turned out.

At the opposite end, you see parents going nuts because their two-year-old drops a spoon on the floor in a restaurant . . . again . . . and again . . . and again. We've all been there. We've all wanted to go nuts. But it's not good for anyone if you do.

ScreamFree Parenting gives you solid, realistic advice for how to handle those years from 2-18 so that your children end up the way you would like them to be . . . as themselves in a responsible life. . . and not as robots ordered around by you.

Hal Runkel does a good job of explaining how setting limits, letting children make mistakes and learn, and being calm make for a wonderful difference. I was reminded of the importance of calm last week when our local high school put on a one act play written by the students that described a 9 year-old girl being driven crazy by her parents' fights. Calm is good for children. They will eventually learn calmness from you . . . if you are a good role model.

So start to help your kids . . . by working on you!

I wish I had read this book when I was a new father. It would have saved lots of anxiety for everyone.

Nice going, Mr. Runkel

I am an 18 year old who has two younger sisters. I know that my father has read the book and I can tell when my father tries to use the ScreamFree principles on me and although I find it entertaining, at times I can see it working. I also see it working with my little sisters allot. I recommend this book to anyone who find their kids difficult to handle or deal with especially teenagers. I wish that my father had known about this book earlier in my teen years. It would have resolved many fights and disagreements about a number of things.

OK, I bought and read ScreamFree Parenting and have to say I was unimpressed. He really does not give you any "action oriented" parenting advice and I could probably boil the book down to a few bullet points:

1. Work on keeping yourself calm in the face of children melting down.
2. Give them latitude to be themselves, learn privacy, and make better choices (read very much like free-spirit parenting of the 60's, including suggestions that you allow your teenage daughter to have boys in her room with the door closed, because you trust her and respect her privacy -- yeah, right).
3. Force children to suffer consequences for their decisions, even if it's difficult for you, as the parent, to follow through with those consequences.

I can't say I would recommend this to anyone -- even getting a library copy would be a stretch, as there are much better parenting books available.

Fabulous book. I am going to a seminar to hear the author speak. I am almost finished with the book and it has helped a lot. I am a teacher and it is great for my classroom as well! Definitely a must read for parents - the sooner the better. They have a great website as well.

Hal E. Runkel's ScreamFree Parenting is a great book. If, like me, you share a certain aversion to self-help books then this book will pleasantly surprise you with its good sense and clear non-jargoned prose. And if, like me, you are somewhat cynical about your ability to change long established patterns of behaviour, Hal has the unnerving ability to surprise you into believing that you can.

The author's understanding of the real ways human beings interact in families is revealed both in his persuasive arguments and in the excellent anecdotes that pepper the book. The book is about parenting, but Hal has much more to say about human relationships in general. He even has some fascinating comments on the modern disease of obesity in Western society.

Hal basically asks the reader to "grow up." But he does this so persuasively, and with such good humour, that this reader actually wanted to grow up, and more importantly, thinks that this may be a possibility.

I got this parenting book thinking it would provide me with a bagful of techniques for parenting my newly adopted baby girl. As a person with inadequate examples of parenting, I knew I needed a different approach, especially since our daughter was adopted. You see, not all parenting books take into account the unique dynamics of adoptive relationships. What I found in ScreamFree Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool was a fundamental shift in how to view parenting altogether, adoptive or biological. Hal Runkel's central them, "Parenting is not about kids, it's about parents", means it not only applies perfectly to familes with adopted children, but to anyone and in any relationship, period. This book absolutely has changed my life. It has not only improved my relationship with my daughter, but with ALL my relationships, including my marriage. I highly recommend this book for improving your parenting and when you finish it, start reading it again. You will thank Hal for helping you to improve all your relationships!

Hal Edward Runkel is on a roll with his wittily trademarked moniker 'ScreamFree': he has formed a corporation 'ScreamFree Living' which provides advice on parenting, marriage, relationships, and leadership in the form of e-books, lecture series, workshops, hardback books, online parenting forums, and live seminars on CDs. Talk about marketing in the 21st century!

'ScreamFree Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool' is a fast read, a refreshingly simple way to address the ever-perplexing problems of parenting, and an excellent guide for those who enter the thought process Runkel posits. Through a series of chapters + self-help questions Runkel in essence proposes that tending to our own personality positions, avoiding reactive behavior to stressful situations, and simply remaining 'cool' in the face of crisis is the way to gain a growing household. While it is well known than our children long for limits and solid reliable role models who allow them to grow in to self-sufficient, self-reliant adults, the message just hasn't consistently seeped into the minds of parents. We go from rigid authoritarians (prison guards) to overly permissive (the child rules) atmospheres, neither extreme providing the nurturing plane for child or parent to get the most out the joy of introducing tomorrow's adults to a saner world. Runkel sets out to correct that situation.

While written for parents and with excellent examples of how these postulates work, there is much information here for every reader to transpose to simply enhancing our relationship with the world. It is healthy, easy, and constructive. One could quibble with the notion that it is 'unhealthy' for a child not to observe a parent's 'loosing it': children should be exposed to adult fluctuations from perfection in order to avoid the fear of encountering such alternative behavior for the first time in the not-so-safe outside world. Just a thought... But in the end, this is a well written, at times simplistic and tinged by religion, little fast read that is a witty and wholly usable adjunct to improving human behavior. Grady Harp, July 05