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Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool [Kindle Edition]

Hal Edward Runkel
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (249 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $13.99
Kindle Price: $8.99
You Save: $5.00 (36%)
Sold by: Random House LLC

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Book Description

You Can Start a Revolution in Your Family . . . Tonight

ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It’s about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids’ behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we “lost it” with our kids, the “it” in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family.

It’s time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you’ve always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight.

Parenting is not about kids, it’s about parents.
If you’re not in control, then you cannot be in charge.
What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what.

Easier said than done? Not anymore, thanks to ScreamFree Parenting, the principle-based approach that’s inspiring parents everywhere to truly revolutionize their family dynamics. Moving beyond the child-centered, technique-based approaches that ultimately fail, the ScreamFree way compels you to:

focus on yourself
calm yourself down, and
grow yourself up

By staying calm and connected with your kids, you begin to operate less out of your deepest fears and more out of your highest principles, revolutionizing your relationships in the process.

ScreamFree Parenting
is not just another parenting book. It’s the first parenting
book that maintains—from beginning to end—that parenting is NOT about kids . . . it’s about parents. As parents pay more attention to controlling their own behavior instead of their kids’ behavior, the result is stronger, more rewarding, and more fulfilling family relationships.

For those of you reading who are parents, know parents, or have had parents, the notion that the greatest thing you can do for your children is to learn to focus on yourself may sound strange, even heretical. It’s not. Here’s why: we are the only ones we can control. We cannot control our kids—we cannot control the behavior of any other human being. And yet, so many “experts” keep giving us more tools (“techniques”) to help us try to do just that. And, of course, the more we try to control, the more out of control our children become.

“Don’t make me come up there.” “Don’t make me pull this car over.” “How many times do I have to tell you?” Even our language suggests that our kids have control over us.
It’s no wonder that we end up screaming. Or shutting down. Or simply giving up. And the charts, refrigerator magnets, family meetings, and other techniques in most typical parenting books just don’t work. They end up making us feel more frustrated and more powerless in this whole parenting thing.

This practical, effective guide for parents of all ages with kids of all ages introduces proven principles for overcoming the anxieties and stresses of parenting and setting new patterns of connection and cooperation. Well-written in an engaging, conversational tone, the book is sensible, straightforward, and based on the experiences of hundreds of actual families. It will help all parents become calming authorities in their homes, bring peace to their families today, and give kids what they need to grow into caring, self-directed adults tomorrow.


Editorial Reviews

Review

“Whew! What a relief—a fresh approach to parenting that eliminates the battles, the bickering, the frustrations and guilt while allowing children the space to learn and grow. It’s inventive and doable…parents stay calm, connected, and in control—a miracle. In Screamfree Parenting Hal Runkel gives you the tools to take care of yourself so you can take better care of your growing children. Every parent needs this book—it changes how you think about parenting…and how you parent. You’ll wonder why you ever raised your voice or broke a promise.”
--Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day.


From the Hardcover edition.

About the Author

Hal Edward Runkel is a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, seminar speaker, and organizational consultant. As founding principal of ScreamFree Living, Inc., Hal presents ScreamFree programs to audiences nationwide and appears frequently in the media. He has earned a master’s in theological studies, as well as a master’s in marriage and family therapy from Abilene Christian University. Hal and his wife, Jenny, live with their two children in the Atlanta area. More resources are available at www.ScreamFree.com.

Product Details

  • File Size: 787 KB
  • Print Length: 242 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony; 1 edition (September 4, 2007)
  • Sold by: Random House LLC
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B000UZQHF2
  • Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #47,823 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
233 of 242 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The only person you can control is yourself. August 2, 2005
Format:Paperback
"ScreamFree Parenting," by Hal Runkel, is an excellent parenting guide that will help moms and dads everywhere to keep (or regain) their sanity. Runkel is a licensed family and marriage therapist and one of the founders of ScreamFree Living, Inc. The book's thesis is that parents cannot keep tabs on their kids 24/7, nor can they force their children to consistently behave in a certain way. Therefore, mothers and fathers would be better off learning to focus on how they react to their children's words and actions.

Parents, Runkel contends, should take stock of themselves. Are they in control of their behavior when they interact with their children? Or are they at the mercy of their "emotional reactivity"--their unthinking, knee-jerk reactions? If the latter is true, it is likely that parent-child interactions will be tense, angry, and unproductive.

All of us who have struggled with parental responsibilities instinctively realize that a calm and reasoned approach is far more effective than a hysterical and dictatorial one. However, because of fatigue, ignorance, or inertia, many of us instinctively lash out, saying things that we don't really mean when our kids push our buttons. What to do?

Runkel does not advocate a permissive parenting style. Rather, the author recommends what he calls "judo parenting." Judo is "the art of going with another's momentum." A ScreamFree parent facilitates rather than dictates; he encourages his children to use their own resources to solve problems. By helping kids to get in the habit of making their own decisions and living with the consequences, parents will be more likely to launch "self-directed" adults.

Runkel's writing style is clear, concise, humorous, and to-the-point.
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165 of 173 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Save your voice box October 10, 2005
Format:Paperback
I've been trying to cut down on yelling and work through problems by staying calm, which is the approach Runkel, a licensed family and marriage therapist, advocates. The book is an easy read and doesn't overwhelm the parent with too many steps as self-help books often do.

The clear, direct, and humorous writing style allows parents with hectic lives to quickly read the book, absorb its concepts, and put them to use. Each chapter ends with reflection questions to reinforce the themes from the chapter. The book continues its effectiveness whether or not the reader answers the questions. However, thinking about the questions might shed light on you, your kids, and your relationships.

The concept of parents not letting their emotions guide their response to a child's troubles is not new, but Runkel shares stories, experiences, and explanations on how to do it. Sure, junior spilling juice all over the carpet can make any parent mad, but dealing with the situation while maintaining control has better results than a scream fest, spanking, or arguing.

Though the book focuses on parenting, its concepts largely address ourselves as individuals. For we have to take care of us first before others. Instead of permissive or dictatorship parenting, Runkel encourages judo parenting, which is "the art of going with another's momentum." He shows how to do this by providing the answers to the questions all parents get like "I'm bored," "Are we there yet?" and "I hate you!"

Two nitpicks. First, there are a few religious references. I wish this had been omitted because religion is a hot issue and the book's concepts fly well without the religious quotes or references.
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70 of 79 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars the BEST book about parenting I have ever read!!! February 21, 2007
By Cheryl
Format:Paperback
I wish this book was out five years ago when my daughter was born. This book has been such a Godsend to me - a real eye opener. Of the hundreds of books I have read on parenting - this is the only one that actually deals with being a parent and not about molding/training your child. I also bought his class on cd and it has changed the relationship I have with my children. I can't recommend it enough.
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56 of 66 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
When our youngest child went off to college, the school's president told us that many parents cannot let go. They call before, during and after every class. They help out with homework over the Internet. They want to hear about every stumble and bruise. The parents act like they are students in terms of how often they contact advisors and administrators on their children's behalf.

You can imagine what these kids are going to be like when their parents are ill or die. They'll feel like the world has ended. Is that any way to be a parent? I don't think so.

I like having children who become responsible, effective adults. I have four of them, and I'm happy with how it all turned out.

At the opposite end, you see parents going nuts because their two-year-old drops a spoon on the floor in a restaurant . . . again . . . and again . . . and again. We've all been there. We've all wanted to go nuts. But it's not good for anyone if you do.

ScreamFree Parenting gives you solid, realistic advice for how to handle those years from 2-18 so that your children end up the way you would like them to be . . . as themselves in a responsible life. . . and not as robots ordered around by you.

Hal Runkel does a good job of explaining how setting limits, letting children make mistakes and learn, and being calm make for a wonderful difference. I was reminded of the importance of calm last week when our local high school put on a one act play written by the students that described a 9 year-old girl being driven crazy by her parents' fights. Calm is good for children. They will eventually learn calmness from you . . . if you are a good role model.

So start to help your kids . . . by working on you!

I wish I had read this book when I was a new father. It would have saved lots of anxiety for everyone.

Nice going, Mr. Runkel
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Must have for all parents who have kids of any ...
Must have for all parents who have kids of any age. Teaches the parent how to break cycles from a childs point of view as well as an adults.
Published 13 days ago by Jacqueline Long
4.0 out of 5 stars Common sense and insight
I needed some advice and guidelines to bring things down a notch with my son, and this book helped a lot. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Sarah C. Yu
5.0 out of 5 stars A useful tool in the parenting kit
Runkel's explanations and examples are clear, helpful, and entertaining. My husband and I both found this book useful and are finding the advice in it really works!
Published 1 month ago by Ginny Peyton
3.0 out of 5 stars Good for Parents Already Confident with Discipline
I read this book looking for more tips for the workshop I give to parents on peaceful parenting so for my personal needs, this was a great book. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Erin Royer
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
Incredibly helpful and insightful. The principles are simple to follow. Already, I'm witnessing changes in my home after only 5 days of working from this philosophy.
Published 2 months ago by N. Morse
5.0 out of 5 stars A complete paradigm change
I changed first, thus my son changed with me. Excellent book. Very eye opening! I stringly recommen it to others, parents or not
Published 3 months ago by vlacayo
5.0 out of 5 stars I have two kids
My wife got me this book in the hope that I would read it and stop screaming at my two kids. When I opened it, I was hoping the introduction would be; "No more screaming --... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars soooo good
Such An Amazingly Helpful Book. So Many Great Ideas. Really Helps You Get Your Focus Right In Parenting. By This Book!
Published 3 months ago by J. Turner
5.0 out of 5 stars life changing & revolutionary!
excellently written in a way ideas, suggestions and remedies are easily aacceptable. he makes you feel you arent alone, that you are capable of the family life you want and deserve... Read more
Published 3 months ago by phias mom
5.0 out of 5 stars If you have to buy one parenting book, it should be this one!
I had read other parenting books which outlined fantastic disciplinary techniques but they were missing a key ingredient that is conveyed clearly in this book. Read more
Published 3 months ago by family of 4
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More About the Author

Hal Runkel is a world-renowned expert on helping families face conflict and create great relationships. A licensed therapist, relationship coach, international speaker, and organizational consultant, Hal is the bestselling author of ScreamFree Parenting, and the newly released ScreamFree Marriage.

Hal is Founder and President of The ScreamFree Institute, an international training organization dedicated to calming the world, one relationship at a time. Here he has applied the most advanced approaches to family relationship theory in his practice, and developed the revolutionary ScreamFree Living methodology. Hal now presents the ScreamFree relationship programs to audiences around the world through live training events, teleconferences, webinars, and publications. In addition, he actively trains and supervises hundreds of other family professionals working to further the ScreamFree movement.

Hal and his message have been featured on over a thousand media outlets, including NBC's Today Show, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, and The 700 Club, and with his wife, Jenny, hosted "ScreamFree Radio" on Atlanta's 750 WSB-radio.

He and Jenny have been married for 17 years, and they are raising their two teenagers in the Atlanta area.



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Isn't this the best parenting book or am I crazy?
I agree, this is an amazing book. It is so true. Everytime I see myself or other parents get upset, I think, they need to calm down. They need to put down the gauntlet. I have read the whole book and listened to it.
Aug 10, 2009 by Mom of 3 Boys |  See all 7 posts
ScreemFree Parenting - complete fiction?
Authors use this disclaimer to protect themselves from being sued by real people who may recognize themselves in the book and who do not wish to be in it - not to say everything in the book is fiction or didn't happen! They change the names but the the stories are factual so no permission is... Read More
Aug 3, 2010 by L. Murphy |  See all 3 posts
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