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Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy Paperback – March 26, 2013

4.1 out of 5 stars 44 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

*Starred Review* It’s a jungle out there in the modern dating world. Just ask Canadian comedian Eisenberg. In this witty and wise memoir, Eisenberg recounts her rocky (and often raucous) road from queen of the one-night stand to princess of monogamous bliss. The sparkly, blue-eyed gentleman she ends up marrying is the last in a long list of lads who run the gamut from lovable geek to charming creep. Among them: a legally blind albino disc jockey and a fellow comedian possessing what may be the world’s largest collection of Garfield paraphernalia. (Eisenberg has no inkling of the gent’s cartoon-feline fetish until he opens his bedroom door and—quite literally—lets the cats out of the bag.) Amid her bounty of beddings, Eisenberg busts her butt to break into the stand-up scene. She hones her material and develops a commanding presence, so much so that after one show an astonishingly attractive couple offers her an unusual proposition, Would she like to become a dominatrix? Turns out, the whip-smart Eisenberg isn’t into whips (or chains, for that matter). But it makes for a juicy story. Eisenberg, who hosts the new NPR weekly trivia show, Ask Me Another, writes with poise, panache, and a hefty dose of self-deprecating humor. --Allison Block

About the Author

Ophira Eisenberg is a stand-up comedian, writer, and host of NPR’s new weekly trivia show, Ask Me Another. She has appeared on Comedy Central, VH-1, E!, and TV Guide Network. She is also a regular host and storyteller with The Moth.

Ophira was born in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and currently lives in Brooklyn, NY, with her husband, Jonathan, and their adopted Boston Terrier, a former show dog named The International Delight Mocha. Visit her website at OphiraEisenberg.com.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Seal Press (March 26, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1580054390
  • ISBN-13: 978-1580054393
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.9 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #342,863 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy by Ophira Eisenberg is a delightfully funny memoir. It is very real life meets Sex and the City. The memoir starts when Ophira is in seventh grade in Calgary, Canada . During this school year she experiences her first boyfriend and her first kiss. As her life progresses, so does her sexual experiences. From her "almost" first time to her actual first time, to the many, many, many times after that.

Ophira doesn't hide the fact that she has been around the block once or twice, not only in Canada where she grew up, but also in New York where she officially starts her comic career. After she graduates from high school, Ophira decides to take a year-long trip to Australia. She then bounces from one part of Canada to the next trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. She goes to college, in Quebec, Canada, and receives her degree in Anthropology, all while pining for her older ex-boyfriend and working on her "fieldwork," which is basically just a fancy word for sleeping with a few more guys so that she could forget about her ex.

After graduating and working many dead-end jobs in Vancouver, Canada, Ophira realizes it's time to do something drastic and takes a stand up comedian class and an acting class. Finally done with Canada, she moves to New York with only $600 to her name. Along her journey throughout Canada and New York Ophira dates all sorts of guys: a few musicians, a pastry chef, a movie critic, a Garfield enthusiast, and so on and so on. Ophira wasn't about to settle for just anyone; she even tells her final suitor that she never, ever wanted to get married.

I saw Ophira Eisenberg on TV a few weeks ago on a late night talk show to promote her book.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
It's hilarious, well-written, and smart. I've listed to NPR's "Ask Me Another" for a long time, and recently heard Ophira Eisenberg on The Moth Radio Hour. After her story, they promoted her book, and I gave it a try. It was the quality I expected based on her sense of humor that comes through on the radio. I also felt like I learned a lot about my relationships. I liked the book so much, I ordered a second copy for a friend and gave my copy to my brother.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
LOVED this book! Ophira is hilarious. I was laughing by the end of the first chapter. I couldn't help but think we ought to be BFFs. Maybe she wouldn't think that way, but I did! I like the fact that she's a ballsy broad. She doesn't shy away from the fact that she likes to bang, (as if that's not clear from the title).

This book is great if you enjoy Chelsea Handler, Amy Schumer, Sarah Silverman etc. It's not so much the story itself that's entertaining as the way she told the story. Honestly, I'd read it again down the road.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Ophira Eisenberg has long been considered a treasured jewel in the NYC comedy community. (I run BestNewYorkComedy dot com, so speak from an informed place...) Eisenberg is one of the finest storytellers in the country, and she's been gathering and honing the tales in this book for years. Like the author, the stories are sharp, funny, humane, endearing, and fearlessly honest.

Few women as brilliant and articulate as Eisenberg write books about being "a slut." That makes this a rare treat.

As does her describing a first French kiss as being "better than eating bacon on Hanukkah morning."

Right before posting this, I ran across a comment I quite liked by Marion Winik in Newsday: "There are few sentences in this book that aren't funny. Eisenberg remains unapologetic yet lovable all the way through."

This isn't for every taste; prudes will not approve. But click the "Look Inside" feature above and see if it's for you.
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Format: Audible Audio Edition
What I got from this book is that Ophira is a nice person. Other than her rather prudish views on sex, she would fit in pretty well with my crowd. Nothing she did in the book was anything any number of my friends couldn't raise their hand and say "I've done that." And a whole lot more.

I thought I was going to love this audio book based on the first half hour. I smiled a few times and thought the writing was good. The trouble comes in from the repetition and the sex.

It gets repetitive because all the stories become "I got high and then I slept with this weird guy. It was weird." While there were some clever lines and I might have smiled every couple hours ago, it devolves to essential diary entries.

I've never read a book, so clearly about sex, where the author actively shuns and is embarrassed by anything beyond straight missionary and oral. And to hear her describe how uncomfortable she was in any sort of sexual situation not rated PG was just odd. She would be shocked to come to my house, have a few drinks and hear what comes out of my friend's mouths. And that's too bad because we're about as white bread normal as you can get.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My dirty little secret: I enjoyed scaring strangers as I cackled out loud reading this book in public. Screw Everyone is like catching up with a close girlfriend you haven't seen for ages and should have been in touch with sooner because she is hilarious, honest, and reminds you of every fabulous pop culture reference from the 80's/90's. She says out loud all the thoughts I thought I was the only one weird enough to have. Just friggin get it.
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