Customer Reviews

The Script: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat

5 star:		(24)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

****
This book is a quick and comforting read for those women who suspect their husbands may be cheating or for those women who are going through a divorce. I enjoyed it too, though, because I feel that it will prepare me should I ever be in this situation.

The basic premise of the book is that men who cheat follow a predictable Script, and that they always have followed this Script throughout history, always telling women the same things in order to relieve themselves of guilt and make themselves look good. Men will do most anything to make themselves look good and come out on top, even things that would be out of character for them when they were married and devoted---I agree with this assertion from the book (based on my own personal experience).

While it's true that this book is not based upon scientific studies, it is based upon anecdotal experience that every woman is familiar with if she has ever had a friend, sister, or mother who has been betrayed by their spouse. I think the book is incredibly valuable because it helps the betrayed woman not feel alone, not feel like she is "unstable" or going crazy, not feel like it's all her problem.

If you know of someone who is trying to survive betrayal and/or divorce by a cheating husband, or if you even suspect this, it would be a great book for both you and for her.
****

I heard two ladies speaking of this book in a cafe yesterday. Apparently it is hot off the press, but I found it easily at a local book store. I thought it might be interesting because I am the ex-husband of a woman I cheated on. I opened it and finished it within a few hours becuause I couldn't believe my eyes! Reading the "Script" was an insight into my own behavior. I was caught on a behavioral roller coaster, not even aware of my own actions, comments, treatment of my wife. I actually ACTED out the "Script". Had I or my wife realized which "scene" I was in/on, we may have been able to twart the final result...I cheated and she left me. Not every man may follow the "Script" exactly because each man is an individual. He may enter "stage left" or "stage right." However I think any couple in crisis, especially where the man (or even woman) is/will be cheating, will find contents and resources in this book helpful to save the marraige/relationship before it's too late. I know I wish I had known I was acting the "Script" before it was too late.

This book follows the script a man will tell when he's contemplating committing adultery, when he actually goes through with it, when he leaves his wife for his mistress, and how he responds to life with his new mistress.

The first part of the book deals with the script a man tells when he's contemplating and has actually gone through with committing adultery.

In this section, the author advises women to act like doctors and treat the pain early while the problem is still small.
The author's idea of treating the pain early is basically figuring out a way to stop him from either committing adultery or if he has, from leaving you for her.
They tell women to do their best to look attractive, keep the home neat and comfortable, show him lots of appreciation and give him attention.

Now, I don't have a problem with this advice in general, but when the motivation to do these things is fear-based, then I do.
It's a way of transferring responsibility for whether or not he cheats onto the woman.

The visual I get is of a mother knowing that when her little boy gets bored or frustrated, tends to act out, so she scrambles to appease him so he won't act out.
But in this case, it's a wife trying to appease an adult man before he acts out by committing adultery.

It's unhealthy to spend your married life walking on eggshells, worried that if you're not the perfect wife, you'll be cheated on.
Every marriage has it's stressful times. How your husband responds to these stressful times will depend on his ability to cope with problems in a mature and healthy way.

Another problem with this advice is the underlying insecurity of it...that women should try to compete with mistresses, but this is unrealistic.
A mistress specializes in fantasy life, where a man has no obligations and can just revel in pleasure. Her spending a short amount of time with him means this fantasy can go on for a long time.
So unless a wife plans to spend a limited amount of time with her husband and absolves her husband of all marital responsibilities, she should give up trying to compete.

There's always going to be women out there who do it better than you and that your husband will find more attractive than you.
But whether or not these women are allowed to get intimate with your husband will be up to your husband, not you.
You either married a man who cherishes you in spite of your flaws or you didn't.
You either married an honorable man who faces his problems like an adult or you didn't.
It's important to know what you do and do not have control over.

Another thing that bugged me was when the authors tell women they should be happy when a man is rude and critical with them because at least they're communicating. Hurray!
This lets men off the hook, though, because they don't have to expend any energy considering their wife's feelings before they blurt things out.
They can fall on the excuse that that's just how men are raised...and sadly, the author's use this excuse too.
I think, though, if you expect little from men, you'll get little in return. But if you expect adult behavior from an adult, you'll either get a man who surprises you with the maturity neither of you knew he had or you'll get a little boy who throws a tantrum at being challenged and runs to a less challenging woman.
But either way, at least you handled the situation with maturity.

The second part of the book deals with the script a man tells when he announces he's leaving his wife for his mistress.
The advice gets better here because the authors advise women to protect their assets and stick up for themselves.

But then things fall apart again in the last part of the book that deals with the script a man tells when he's already left his wife.
The problem is at the very end, the authors hint to men that they shouldn't leave their wives because things won't work according to his plan.
He won't get all the property he thought he would, he won't get to hang out with his wife's friends anymore, married couples will not hang with him because his lifestyle threatens theirs, and sex with his mistress won't be any better than with his wife.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want a man to stay married to me for these reasons.
I'd only want a man to stay with me because he cherishes and respects me.
None of these are reasons the author gives. Instead it's telling a control freak that he'll lose his power and lose the perks of married life. The reasons are selfish and involve using his wife.

I don't think these men had the emotional maturity to handle an adult relationship and thus make good partners. They were like little kids throwing tantrums whenever things didn't go their way. They got upset if dinner wasn't ready as soon as they got home. Nevermind it was because his wife was busy taking care of the kids and other responsibilities. They got upset if the advice they gave wasn't immediately taken without question. Nevermind that when you give someone advice, you should give it knowing it may not always be taken. THey couldn't seem to accept their wives had minds of their own.

I still gave this book 3 stars because I think it's important to expose the games cheaters play. However, I disagreed with the author's advice on how to deal with those games.

I read The Script and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was easy to understand and easy to read. A womens biggest fear is that her husband or boyfriend will cheat on her and leave. I think it is a great book for women who need that additional support system. It had some great advice. For the friends I have whose husbands have cheated on them, they definitly followed the script. I recommend this book to anyone who would like to have a greater understanding of cheating men, what signs to look for, and what to do when their husbands are unfaithful.

This is an extremely good summary of how men and women behave during the final stages of a marriage break-up. In almost ALL breakups, there is another person involved, i.e. the person wanting to leave wants to leave to start/continue an affair with a third party. This book tells how men behave when they're the ones doing the leaving.

The authors insistence on a "script" that is followed is most clever and makes sense based on what I've observed among my friends. If you're over 30, this book will ring very true to you. We've all seen this behaviour again and again.

My one complaint is that the book tends to bring issues up and then ignore them or not give them the exploration they deserve. All in all, though, this book is an important addition to the popular literature on marriage and divorce and is well worth your time and dollars.

Had I found this book in early August 2005, I could have saved myself nearly five months of torture, soul-searching and psychological research (not to mention $1,600 in therapists fees). Having been fully committed to my 23-year marriage, "another woman" was the furthest thing from my mind in that my soon-to-be-ex never displayed any of the behaviors which I thought were clues (i.e., dieting, boxers to briefs, new clothing styles) and he was accountable for almost all his time away from home! This book helped me clear away the "mitigating factors" (my husband suffers from clinical depression and had been watching a very close friend die over the six months prior to August) and get to what the problem really was! I'm able to have the last laugh now, however, knowing it's going to cost him a minimum of $750,000 to get out of our marriage. And I will have a better life without any of the guilt! Bravo for The Script!

This book is a must read. Especially if you are a women concerned with the possibility of a cheating husband or boyfriend. As a previous reviewer stated, "isn't it common sense knowledge if someone is cheating on you?" It's nice to be able to relate with other women out there that are going through the same thing and asking the same questions. Nowhere in this book does it "bash" men, if you are a faithful man than you will have respect for "The Script." The book is an easy read and I definitely recommend it to others.

I lived this script one year ago and have two friends that are currently living this script now! Everyone who is considering marriage or is married should read this book.

My husband has been playing out the Script almost exactly! We just passed the bomb dropping one month and he already brought a "new" gal to met the kids. The creep! The authors call the shots just exactly as they get fired!

Very clever! I love how The Script is written like a screenplay with an overture, acts with scenes, and a finale. All the different scenes and scenarios make for a quick and easy read. Plus, there's lots of useful "props" to help "pause" and "stop, " ideally "rewind," but even "eject."