Customer Reviews

Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal

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We are witnessing an event, an event which may shake the foundations of film criticism and perhaps even the entire culture.

A book that is genuinely clever, informative, detailed, and incredibly funny has been tossed into a culture of shallow, immature pop culture references. They would have been happy with a cheap collection of tired ponytail jokes and inaccurate blanket statements, but what they got is a real study of a unique body of work.

For the casual reader who couldn't give a crap about Seagal, Seagalogy will nevertheless provide an entertaining peek into a corner of cinema you've probably never given much thought to, and it might very well tempt you into picking up one or two of Seagal's more highly recommended pictures.

For the Seagal fan, this is a must-have. Your favorites are all here, covered in great detail, and those Seagal movies that you can't stand are in here, too, with all their flaws cheerfully pulled apart and mocked.

For those who just like to laugh at Seagal for being ridiculous, you'll find new reasons to make fun of Seagal. And maybe, just maybe, you might just develope a sort of grudging respect for the man's earlier work.

That's not to say that this book is necessarily for everybody. For instance, if you don't like to read, you may be disappointed to find that there are quite a few words printed inside the book. The book is long. Every Seagal film gets a full chapter. So, if you're not willing to read an entire 10-page chapter on a direct-to-DVD film called Shadow Man (which chapter includes the line, "Seagal meanwhile continues to escalate his war on testicles."), you might not be happy to learn that this book includes just such a chapter.

What I'm trying to say here is that I like this book.

This could be a ground-breaking book.

Usually in a book with a subject like this the reader would expect one of two things - either predominantly fawning and uncritical adulation peppered with the occasional swipe at safe targets ala the tomes of Telos that cover the recent seasons of the returned Dr Who - or wholesale emasculation of the works considered and their dissection for comedic purposes, the sort of thing the Medved brothers made their name doing.

Vern does neither, and instead finds an intriguing way of reflecting on a genre that actually, surprisingly, may have much to reveal both about the way cinema and celebrity function in the modern age. Writers to come could learn much from this manner of study, one that is respectful of the film-makers' intentions and the audiences responses - or non-responses - to these and we might learn a few things along the way. It helps that Vern can also write extremely well, has an eye for a decent joke or two and an understanding of the modern age that allows him to draw conclusions that surprise, delight and inform.

What do we learn from this book ?

Well, that there is more to Seagal than just another dumb action movie star. Vern makes a pitch in his opening for ascribing auteur status to the man, an assertion that initially strikes one as either tongue-in-cheek to the point of incomprehension, taking the mickey out of the reader or misplaced adulation. Yet in his quiet, analytical way Vern demonstrates that he has a point - like many an auteur Seagal has themes and memes that carry through from one film to the next, and where they haven't been present has gone to some lengths as writer, director or actor to introduce them. Moreover Seagal appears to have come to the screen already fully formed, no working his way up for him but immediately launched in a vehicle for his talents - Nico -Above the Law - that's suggests that someone, somewhere, must have felt the man had something to say worth hearing. Subsequent success suggests that in the late 80s and early 90s, people wanted to hear it.

We are used to the idea of the action heroes as ubermenschen - arrogant, opinionated, always in, and politically on, the right. Seagal, Vern shows, is that rare thing - a left-wing action star. Repeated themes he finds in the films are the corruption and incompetence of intelligence agencies, the dangers of turning a blind eye to the environment, violence as a tool that when utilized should be deployed quickly, efficiently and without undue flash or adulation and never as a solution in and of itself, and a quiet asceticism that makes his hero something of a Renaissance man. This latter is a particularly strange thought, but Vern shows us the evidence, presents his own conclusions and also allows that we have the intelligence to draw our own. Seagal deliberately set out to impart his philosophies to his audiences - and that is what auteurs do, surely ?

This is no dry, academic tome however. It is also very funny, warm, enlightening and entertaining. It's a book to carry onto the plane - for who knows what the in-flight movie may be ? - or to read in the bath or you'll annoy close friends and relatives by reading the best bits aloud. It is that good.

So come to mock by all means - but stay to learn and enjoy. And since that's the essence of Steven Seagal's own philosophy of cinema, from what I gather here, this is a book that does the man proud.

Damn, damn, damn - Vern wrote my book!! I am your basic NPR junkie, with a video collection heavy on German, French and Japanese classics, and never miss Masterpiece Theatre. Guests are always amazed when they come across my complete set of Seagal films - but I adore these films! They are entertaining, often very funny, and have a unique point of view. I had long planned that my retirement project would be to write THIS BOOK!! Fortunately, it is very well written, and gives great insight without ignoring the smirk factor. Well done, but I still am resentful!

The key to any succesful project is that the creator must have a passion for the project itself. Well, Vern cretainly is passionate about the ouevre of Steven Seagal, but he is also passionate about being the funniest, most observant, and for my money most insightful movie critic out there.
A disclaimer - I've been reading Vern on the web for about four years now, and his self-published volume of "greatest hits" reviews occupies a special place on my bookshelf. Everyone I've sent a link to becomes a Vern follower as well. That said, my experience with Seagal films is limited to when I was 13 and my dad took me to see "Hard to Kill". So I was a bit hesitant about this long rumored "Seagalogy" book.
I needn't have worried. The laugh-out-loud-per-page count on "Seagalogy" is a good 2.5, maybe 2.6 with the footnotes. And I'll be honest, I do have a certain respect for Seagal that I didn't have when I began the book.
I can't stress enough how much I think people will love this book if they give it a chance.

Most books like this one are slim one-joke affairs that primarily are made up of plot synopisis culled from press releases or IMDB. Vern has put all of those to shame with his SEAGALOGY. He doesn't skimp on content or fills pages with worthless filler. It is also hilariously funny without being obvious. He has a respect for Seagal and it shows through. If I could get my department chair to approve a course looking at the cinematic ouvre of Steven Seagal, SEAGALOGY would be my textbook.

This book is laugh out loud funny. I was unable to put it down once I picked it up. There is a wealth of information here but its never hard work to digest as Vern doesn't take it too seriously. Best 10 dollars I have spent in a long time. Hopefully Seagal continues making many more movies so Vern can do a part 2 of Seagalogy.

This book is so funny and amazing. I leave it out for my friends to see on my coffee table so that they will know that my true inner self is cool and awesome. I highly recommend this book.

It's everything. Very informative, very thoughtful, very intelligent, very astute opinions and observations, very essential reading for action cinema criticism. Oh and also very very very funny.

Imagine if Pauline Kael had conceived with a nerd. Their son would be Vern.

I highly recommend Seagalogy for all movie buffs and anybody looking for a good laugh.
Fans of Steven Seagal will love Seagalogy because of the depth of information about his movies, commercials, music and products.
Even those of us who don't like Steven Seagal will still enjoy reading Seagalogy, because Vern mockingly and sincerely writes reviews about every movie Steven Seagal has made, comments on the absurdity of his movies and unusual characteristics.

I was hoping for the Seagal equivalent of the hillarious Wrestlecrap books. Those books show their love for the material but also aren't afraid to rip it apart for laughs. This book seems more like a 400 page high school thesis paper about reoccuring themes that appear in Steven Seagal movies. Interesting stuff like his mob claims and lawsuits, as well as his problems with production on movies like Mercenary for Justice are hardly even touched on.

Instead of describing the hillarious flubs in his DTV movies, the reader is treated to an overly long sypnosis of the film, and then a rundown of the themes which connect them to other Seagal films.

As a fellow Seagal fan I can appreciate Vern's love of the material, but overall it came off as way to dry for such a ridiculous concept for a book.